To think men shouldn’t come to a breastfeeding support group?

[Sexnotgender]

It’s a group SOLELY for breastfeeding support.

I know I’m probably being a grump but a man there totally changes the dynamic.

Baby was 5 months old so not a newborn with an overwhelmed mum which I would kind of understand.

Dons tin hat...

Why can partners not attend hypnobirthing?

They are supposed to - you always teach in pairs (can be anyone).

S1naid

Well, I previously wrote 'There are no men in my pregnancy yoga class either... And the vast majority of women there are pregnant.'

As far as I know it's about pregnancy (and being human. Not for pregnant dogs. Or horses. Even though, I have been to horse yoga classes. Which was actually really great!). That's why it's called Pregnancy yoga (well, not in English).

All of the people there are indeed women. But I wouldn't care about someone being intersex (for example). As long as that person had to deal with pregnancy themselves.
And no, not second hand, through being supportive partners etc. But with an actual bun in the oven.

Did you ask if they could accommodate you

Of course I did. They told me what I said back in the thread somewhere. That we were "all grownups" and they didn't offer separate consultations or areas. That isn't my fault.

I've never said my baby's needs trumped anything. I said it wasn't Top Trumps.

I run a breastfeeding group. It is also a social support group. We are a single sex space. A male partner can drop off but then has to leave. It's totally not appropriate. The women I support have often been through trauma and are vulnerable. Most sessions include women opening up about very personal birth experiences, PND etc. When focussed on nursing issues women are physically exposed and can feel even more vulnerable. No way should a man be involved in that.

We offer home visits if that's needed. Men can obviously be there for that. Not in the group. Same sex partner - no problem. Same with other female support.

It has to be a safe space.

I think I am a terrible partner because I would tell my dh to feck right off if he had ever tried to give me any help/advice/ support with breast feeding.

I used to be a leader for La Leche League and if a man turned up with his wife/partner, we'd take then aside and ask that he return to collect her or ask questions at the end of the meeting, explaining that we had a lot of new Mums trying to get to grips with breastfeeding and were self concious of feeding and explaining their problems in front of a man. I never met a couple who disaggreed with this, most were happy to come back if they had questions, sadi they'd meet outside after.
It's not about excluding the father, it's about helping the mother get confidant and able to feed her baby as long as she wants in a safe space where she can feel free to feed and talk.

Why can partners not attend hypnobirthing? I believe it is to do with the capacity of the room in this instance but I could easily have misunderstood.

Sunshineandeggshells do you ever find that women open up about abusive relationships? I’m just wondering as it’s so nice being in a female environment and they may feel safer asking for help.

I still don't think people get that breastfeeding at a support group isn't necessarily the same as just breastfeeding 'normally'. Getting assistance with latch, etc. is not the same as feeding your baby in a cafe.

Nicci Okay if the room only takes a small number of people and more women want to attend than there is space, I can understand why they say no partners. It is not about excluding men, just trying to give the service to as many women as possible.

Haven't read the full thread but maybe this person is a transgender woman who appears man-like? I mean, stranger things have happened.

I still don't think people get that breastfeeding at a support group isn't necessarily the same as just breastfeeding 'normally'. Getting assistance with latch, etc. is not the same as feeding your baby in a cafe.

@Celebelly I think that many of us do get this but would be equally embarrassed by getting this help in front of a group of women as we would be in front of a mixed group of men and women. Others wouldnt be concerned about it either way. We are all different.

Why on earth would a man and his partner turn up for something like this. Surely they would have checked to see whether it was Ok or maybe they automatically assumed their needs were much more important than everyone elses.

Reminds me of the time I went to get a mammogram in one of those mobile units. There was a man with his wife trying to get in because she didn't speak English. He was trying to literally get up the steps and into the unit. The very firm nurse just took him by the arm and escorted him away. I don't know what she said to him but I suspect she threatened him with the police.

Some people are SO thick skinned and really DONT see anything other than there own wants and needs.

I was referring to posts about people being fine with men in other places and being happy to breastfeed in public, which are missing the point.

And given no one answered my previous question to say they would be happy with my DP sitting opposite them while they had both breasts out and a lactation consultant squeezing milk from their nipples, I'm assuming a lot of this is grandstanding and not actually what people would do in real life.

It is not about excluding men, just trying to give the service to as many women as possible.
@jennymanaraIt but the impact is that people are excluded when they shouldnt be. Services should be properly funded and organised so that everyone can be included.

I think the only sensible conclusion would be that there needs to be 2 groups one mixed sex and one women only to cater to all womens needs without excluding anyone. For that to happen though the NHS needs more funding in the breastfeeding/postnatal department.

It depends a bit on where it's held, the one near me is in a coffee shop so anyone can actually come in (my kids are adults so I came across it by chance) but if in a private location then men being excluded is a reasonable assumption

It seriously wouldn't bother me at all and if I needed that support I'd like my partner to come with me to make me feel supported and then if I forget what I've learnt etc I have him there to help me, but mainly just to be there and support me but I'd ask first if men were able to come I wouldn't just rock up and also men on postnatal wards do not bother me, men in general don't bother me it's only on mumsnet men are made out to be some dirty weirdos

@Celebelly I dont know many people who would be that happy about sitting with both breasts out and a lactation consultant squeezing milk from their nipples in front of anybody, whatever the gender of the audience. I cant think of many other medical support arrangements that would come close to this level of exposure in front of other people.

Nicci Yes you are talking about the ideal, but money dictates what is realistic. So they have had to make a compromise. My DP used to work in the NHS and they had to use free rooms. So often the choice is less than ideal group or no group at all.

I've never said my baby's needs trumped anything. I said it wasn't Top Trumps.

In the situation you describe, yes it is. Two sets of rights/needs/wants are in direct conflict and someone has to 'win.' I'm disabled and a woman and I agree with pretty much everyone else that in a situation like this, the need for a single-sex space should 'win.'

I cant think of many other medical support arrangements that would come close to this level of exposure in front of other people

Exactly.

Firstly TheDeflector I think you're amazing for breastfeeding in your circumstances. I have severe dyspraxia and I found it really difficult to get it right. I struggled with all but one of my children, 2 of them for several months. It must have been so much harder for you.

On the subject of men at breastfeeding groups I don't know what the solution is. I went to breastfeeding groups with all of my dc, different groups each time. Some allowed men, some didn't. I was thrown out of a few because my baby was too old. I don't think there is a breastfeeding group in my area anymore which is a shame because I found them very helpful. The one I went to with Dc3 was run by a lady who did individual support too which was good. That group was the best one I think, until the peer supporters were asked to leave because they had older babies.

stucknoe If it is in a coffee shop, that just sounds like a chat social group. So not much different from any baby and parent group. That is different from the kind of group being talked about on here.