To think men shouldn’t come to a breastfeeding support group?

[Sexnotgender]

It’s a group SOLELY for breastfeeding support.

I know I’m probably being a grump but a man there totally changes the dynamic.

Baby was 5 months old so not a newborn with an overwhelmed mum which I would kind of understand.

Dons tin hat...

There are no men in my pregnancy yoga class either... And the vast majority of women there are pregnant.

How exclusionary of you

The needs and wishes of different groups of mothers sometimes clash.

Not sure why religion and race came into it but this is all very exciting.

Apparently I'm some sort of dog-owning troll, according to some I don't even have a dog. Mumsnet is really weird sometimes.

Posted too soon. There may be women who have disabilities AND don’t want men their, that’s more likely that a woman needing a male carer there. Considering the huge amount of women who have sexually, physically, or mentally abused by men or have religious/cultural needs for privacy, I think the likely hood of them being a minority, very unlikely.

Who said you have a dog?

What? No. I'm not trying to exclude anyone.

It's a pregnancy yoga class. For pregnant people. Not for people who have partners that are pregnant....

(they also have a parent and child yoga class, which fathers apparently do indeed go to. But unless the fathers are pregnant? Why would they need to go to a pregnancy yoga class?)

I’ve been thinking of inviting my husband to other ladies smear tests. The smear test take up is low and I think it would be helpful if men understood...

What? No. I'm not trying to exclude anyone

I was teasing, sorry if it came out wrong.

TheDeflector what kind of dog? Was it a Lacto Apso?

Sorry.

There is absolutely no way I would ever convince my husband to be in that room! He would find it far too awkward!

monkeytrap great idea, why should anyone object?

I was wondering whether you were being sarcastic or teasing...

I seems to be the only one with this opinion but isn't a support group also for those supporting, therefore the man is supporting his partner who is breastfeeding.

You don't know the dynamics of their situation. She could be really struggling and he's come along to support her.

I personally see this as a non-issue and feel bad for the guy being made to justify why he's at the group.

If he was there staring at people breast feeding then totally different but if he was there trying to support his partner then I think hates off to him.

He probably felt far more uncomfortable than the mothers in the room.

My own personal view is that I don't give a fig whether men are in a breastfeeding support group or not (and I attended one weekly for many months). I happily managed to breastfeed in public without exposing myself and without risking smothering my kid under a muslin cloth or cover. I'm a sexual abuse victim too, and I do feel very threatened by the prospect of be-penised people infiltrating women's changing space or toileting facilities.

A group situation where you're at all times in full view of that group, and it's highly unlikely you can be accosted alone, is to me a much less intimidating scenario. HOWEVER - and it's a big however - this isn't just about me. Some women are not comfortable with it, or can't be in this situation around men for cultural or religious reasons. And, yet again, it's the rights of the female being pushed onto the back-burner for the benefit of men. I always find it amazing that any woman could possibly see fit to pursue such an agenda. And for those who are disabled, there is nothing wrong whatsoever with obtaining alternative support for the very short amount of time - an hour a week? - when you are in the group.

Please - stop your territory pissing over other women's spaces and rights. To cite a similar example, I'd have loved to have DH on the maternity ward when I was catheterized, immobile and drugged up to the eyeballs after a CS when DC was born. It would have helped no end, both with rest and to get the BF relationship established. We couldn't - because the rights of the other women who had just given birth and who needed that ward space, their privacy and their dignity, took precedence, as they very rightly should.

Increasingly, there is such a common rhetoric that women should put up, shut up and shift aside when men see fit to infiltrate their private spaces, that more women such as yours truly who previously wouldn't have turned a hair are becoming stridently and vocally resistant to that.

And look at the news on any week you care to see fit. It's not really very surprising, is it?

It's a pregnancy yoga class. For pregnant people. Not for people who have partners that are pregnant

Pregnant WOMEN. I’m aware we are people, but the word women seems to be disappearing from groups for women.

A woman does not have to have a reason to not want to have men present in a breastfeeding support environment. No thank you to that idea is sufficient.

The problem always raised in any discussion around single sex spaces is that pro mixed sex want justification from pro single sex, presumably so as to argue us around it and tell us how unreasonable and unkind single sex space is.

We don't have to justify it. We can explain why we would prefer privacy but we actually don't need to justify it at all, it is our right.

Who are these pregnant people?

A Breastlington Terrier.

I'm sorry I'm terrible at puns.

IME of these groups the volunteers are amazing and would help a disabled woman lift her baby to her breast without hesitation. We have a few women with twins attend and they always get help carrying their babies to/from the car. Positioning their babies so they can tandem feed. The whole environment is wonderful and supportive and free of men.

You might not want someone else’s help, but frankly I don’t want your husband in my only safe, social place.

I used BFing groups to feed in front of strangers for the first time with my new born and also we speak about other women’s delivers, it was more holistic and such a lifeline in those early days. Sometimes I went to one in my village and one in the neighbouring village so I could go more than once a week.

I went to one and it seemed like the mums were trying to out do each other in horrible birth stories. If I’d heard this before I got pregnant I never would have.

I’m horrible so if there was a man there I would have asked him how his birthing went?

He probably felt far more uncomfortable than the mothers in the room.

I very much doubt that he will have felt far more uncomfortable than the mothers in the room. many of whom will have religious, cultural or personal reasons for not wanting to be partly undressed in front of men! Good grief! I can’t believe you’ve just tried to say men in a state of full dress would be more uncomfortable than half naked women.

A Breastlington Terrier.

Very good.

The "accommodating options" were not available to me in my local area.

Did you ask if they could accommodate you? If not stop repeating that there weren't any other options.The fact is that you don't know because you think your baby trumps everyone elses.

I actually think it would be pretty good if partners were encouraged to get involved in things right from the get go - for instance partners are encouraged to attend my ante natal class but they are only entitled to 2 days off work when there are 6 classes plus at least 2 scans. I heard recently that the hypnobirthing class (which is also recommended but not compulsory) is oversubscribed and partners cant attend - so they're going to be a great support during labour...
Last week I tried to remember the routine from my antenatal pilates and could only remember about 4 or 5 exercises - less than 50%. If my partner had been there then maybe between us we could have remembered a lot more. I know it wouldnt suit everyone but thats my ideal.

I’m horrible so if there was a man there I would have asked him how his birthing went?

I’d ask him how he was coping with his piles, but if he’s anything like a Male friend of mine, he’d probably go into great detail.