To think men shouldn’t come to a breastfeeding support group?

[Sexnotgender]

It’s a group SOLELY for breastfeeding support.

I know I’m probably being a grump but a man there totally changes the dynamic.

Baby was 5 months old so not a newborn with an overwhelmed mum which I would kind of understand.

Dons tin hat...

Pathetic

I totally agree that he shouldn't be there.
And what man in his right mind would even want to be?!

The breastfeeding group where I go in the library doesn’t tend to get very busy at all, generally one in one out. My partner came with me one time, but when the lady that was still getting help started to feed he took off like a shot to go look at some books .
He had the common sense that it may make her feel uncomfortable with him in there

BigChoc - when I asked if we would need a separate space due to my DH needing to be with me, I was told by the HCPs that we were all grown ups, and that separate spaces weren't possible.

Yeh that’s a selfish choice. Making it uncomfortable for all the woman around his partner that need support and would rather not have a man there.

DH came to classes and lactation consultant support. But not a group setting I would feel selfish to ask him to attend

Dungeon - there aren't any where I live.

If there were would he go in them? In my local swimming pool plenty of women are naked in the communal changing area (there are only a couple of cubicles). Surely you see that it would be inappropriate for him to go in there?

I think it would be very strange to see a man at a bf support group. For those that need support that is what the group is for. It is in the name.

My only thought would be that this man couldn’t let his wife out of his sight.

If there were would he go in them

What's the point in asking that? There aren't any. We don't need to think about it.

Most men would surely realise that his presence is likely to make women feel uncomfortable. Yep. And most men I know would themselves feel uncomfortable. So the type of man that feels entitled to sit in on a bf support group is exactly the type of man I don't want at mine. And frankly I am shocked at the self absorbed posts by some of the women here about wanting hubby's support so that makes it ok.
There's a thing people used to believe in called the common good. And also manners and consideration for others, not just yourself.

The majority of women on here agree with the op, but the minority are saying they should put up and shut up because they don't agree. And deflector if women leave these groups en masse because of a male presence, thats potentially lots of babies that won't get fed. And eventually these groups will cease to exist due to lack of numbers, thus excluding all women from this vital support.

Deflector, why did your partner need to be at a breastfeeding group with you?

Why are people interrogating TheDeflector about her DHs support?

Unpleasant and baffling behaviour.

What's the point in asking that? There aren't any. We don't need to think about it.

I'm asking because you seem to think that your DH should be allowed to go everywhere with you regardless of whether other women are naked or half naked! In the swimming changing rooms where I live there is no way he would be allowed. They would have to provide separate facilities for you and it is the same with the breastfeeding group as presumably some women will not have tops on.

Blue

She has explained multiple times! Try reading.

Thankfully, no one left our breastfeeding group due to the presence of a male carer needing to physically hold his newborn baby to the great of his disabled wife because they were all kind, decent and supportive adults.

What would you all do if the midwife was male? The gynaecologist? The breastfeeding support worker? The Health Visitor? How are they different to a male carer?

I do feel as though breastfeeding will only be valued enough to improve rates when men are forced to understand the work (and yes it is work) involved

this statement makes me really angry. So men should only be expected to support something if they can witness with their own eyes how difficult something is?

How about men bring up their sons not to be utter pricks?

Honestly, this thread (Deflector's situation aside for the mo) makes me wish that we could go back (or forward, in an ideal world) to some place where pregnancy, childbirth etc were women's concerns, and the men and their opinions could get to fuck.

Breast, not great. But they are great so 🤷🏼‍♂️

Can people not disagree with each other without being cruel and unkind?
This ^^. FFS calling someone 'Diddums'!!
Basically there needs to be more provision available so that there can be women-only groups AND mixed sex groups, all clearly signposted as such, and all available at reasonable times and locations. So instead of being downright bitchy to other posters who happen to have an equally valid but different point of view why not try petitioning the relevant powers that be? Better still, why doesn't Mumsnet arrange a petition or something with MNers support? Actually achieve something positive instead of backbiting and putting others down?

Thankfully, no one left our breastfeeding group due to the presence of a male carer needing to physically hold his newborn baby to the great of his disabled wife because they were all kind, decent and supportive adults.

How do you know? Where I live loads of women wouldn't go and it would seem very unfair on their babies. Everyone needs to be accommodated.

What would you all do if the midwife was male? The gynaecologist? The breastfeeding support worker? The Health Visitor? How are they different to a male carer?

Women have the right to ask for same sex health providers, so that’s straight forward.

I've read back a bit Deflector and get that you need a carer with you.
I do, however, wonder what breastfeeding groups are about, what they actually achieve.

"I was told by the HCPs that we were all grown ups, and that separate spaces weren't possible."

Disgraceful of the HCP to be so dismissive
She just couldn't be arsed

Complain and escalate, so this doesn't continue

We shouldn't have to fight about who must suffer - a disabled person, or those women who won't stay with a man present

I go to mixed sex naturist spas, (Germany & Scandinavia) where men and women in one part of the facilities are naked together in saunas and showers

I would never say that other women should just put up with it and do away with the single sex areas if the spa can't run both types.

Imagine how some of these men feel who attend

Nope. Breastfeeding is about women.

Thankfully, no one left our breastfeeding group due to the presence of a male carer needing to physically hold his newborn baby to the great of his disabled wife because they were all kind, decent and supportive adults.

So if anybody had chosen to leave that would mean they weren't kind and decent? I would have left. You have no idea about other people's needs, issues, difficulties, MH etc that might make being exposed around strange men impossible for them.

I do feel as though breastfeeding will only be valued enough to improve rates when men are forced to understand the work (and yes it is work) involved

If you’re in relationship with a man who doesn’t believe you, when you tell him how difficult it is or what is involved, without having strangers show him proof, then you’ve bigger problems than breastfeeding.