To ask why you didn't/don't want children?

[alfie22]

I'm in no way judging anybody who have decided not to have DCs.

But I am genuinely intrigued for the reasons why after reading a thread about somebody's DD not wanting children.

What are your reasons for not having children? Would there any be "what ifs" further down the line?

feminism is not a womens issue

Huh?

🙄

Christ, I can imagine the outrage if people talked about childfree women with the contempt shown here by some towards mothers.

I am not trying to convince any of you to have kids (the world is overpopulated enough) but there are many benefits to having children. My little boy tells me every day that I'm beautiful and that he wants to marry me. My daughter snuggles up to me on the couch and says you're so nice mummy. I'm so happy I had my kids, they're worth 5x the sacrifice their dad and I have made for them. If you parent well you achieve a very deep abiding love from your kids that you cannot get from any other interaction (like with a pet or a husband or a friend).

And love is what it's all about, after all. There is no other purpose to life.

Well that’s nice Kiwi but I’d rather go abroad numerous times a year.
And before the environmentalists start on me, I don’t have kids so a few flights won’t hurt.

I love my husband, my friends, my pets but in your mind because I haven’t procreated there’s no point to my life? Tell that to women who are desperate to have children and can’t.

Thanks kiwiinkits. Thanks for telling me I have no purpose to my life. Really appreciate that. Lovely start to my week.

Sorry, I didn't think (no facepalm emoji). Didn't really mean it that way. Just wanted to point out the benefits of being a mum that no-one talks about because it's not fashionable.

There’s plenty of purpose ‘to your life Gulyian rather than procreation.The “mummy I love you” drivel from Kiwi did not move me one iota tbh.

Kiwi there’s plenty of threads where it’s fashionable to be a mum, go and bore off there.

No one talk about? Are you friggin kidding me? It's all most parents talk about. In most people's mind my single, childless life is purposeless and worthless.

I just never wanted them. A friend once described me as having the maternal instinct of Myra Hindley.

The thought of a baby growing inside me makes me feel - well uhg.

I would also be a crap parent.

There are too many people on the planet and my brother and his wife have produced three.

I didn't want children in my twenties, I found them quite tedious to spend time with and I liked my career and freedom. One day I realised that it all seemed a bit empty and pointless though, like there was no direction to life. I suppose I had them out of boredom because I wanted a change.

They are the light of my life but my health and career are not what they were and I won't have an empty nest til my late fifties.

I am not trying to convince any of you to have kids (the world is overpopulated enough) but there are many benefits to having children. My little boy tells me every day that I'm beautiful and that he wants to marry me. My daughter snuggles up to me on the couch and says you're so nice mummy. I'm so happy I had my kids, they're worth 5x the sacrifice their dad and I have made for them. If you parent well you achieve a very deep abiding love from your kids that you cannot get from any other interaction (like with a pet or a husband or a friend).

This is the sort of thing I meant when I said that the benefits of being a parent that people mention don't appeal to me in the slightest.

Having kids out of boredom Costa? Well , that’s just living the dream isn’t it? 😂😂

I wanted a mini-me.

I got one, too.

Shit.

Did not think that one through.

Christ, I can imagine the outrage if people talked about childfree women with the contempt shown here by some towards mothers.

I disagree. I actually think it's great that some people realise they wouldn't enjoy parenting and making the active choice not to, rather than walking blindly into pregnancy and motherhood just because it's what everyone else does. Kudos to you for having that level of self-knowledge. The are enough unhappy families out there with parents who resent their children.

I wasn't interested in having children until a couple of years ago when l met my current partner. 12 cycles of trying later then we have got nowhere and we have a diagnosis of unexplained infertility. I am not into adoption and he's not into the idea of IVF so that's that basically. I like my life as it is, financially having kids is a drain and so far my figure has held up. At work l have been a bit bored but there are some promotions coming up that lm going to go for. I'm just trying to find some positives, having children would force less travel and more drudgery into my life

I am confused why people have to justify why they don't want them but not why they want them. They are expensive and take over your life

I'm bemused by the perspectives: "having children makes your life worthwhile", "children make you less selfish" and "you haven't experienced love until you have had children" etc. Personally I'm just try to deal with the hand that life has dealt me. I don't need other people's smugness and misguided self-validation rubbed in my face thanks. Yeah l will just get on with my selfish, pointless and empty life!! Starting now, as lm up early to go on holiday 😂

I never once thought about having children, it was something that never crossed my mind. If someone had asked me it would have been a very certain no.

But then my druggie idiot of a sister decided to start popping them out. So now I have a four year old. As expected he has completely ruined my sleep, social life, bank balance and sex life.

The poor sod is stuck with me now.

If anyone asked me about becoming a parent I would definitely say don’t do it. Of course that’s an opinion I wouldn’t voice to my son.

@MLMhun it never was a dream for me, that's the whole point!

The so called positives of parenthood don't outweight the negatives for me.

Childcare is still seen to be the women's problem and it does affect careers so there is no way I would even consider it and fortunately my DH has the same lack of desire for children.

In the early days I just never had any desire and saw people around me having babies quite young and even they didn't seem happy being a mum.

Fortunately I am now at an age that I no longer get asked if I am going to have any.

@WhoAteMyNuts you are totally right about childcare being the woman's problem too. I've spent hours trying to coordinate nursery applications with finding breakfast club and after school club for my eldest who will start a month after I go back to work after mat leave. Looks like I may have to change my work days to have any chance of getting full nursery days which match the days I can get before and after school care. My partner has literally no clue about what this entails. And we do the same job so it's not like he can pull out the stressful job card.

I am just not maternal, but I’m certainly not a child hater,(maybe intolerant at times). My DH has two, now adults and we have two DGC, who we see very occasionally, because our lives are so full with what we want to do. That maybe perceived as selfish, so be it. We work hard for what we have and do.
I will say though, that on numerous occasions I have been told by parents that they regret their decision to have children or were obligated to by a partner. I am in my late forties now with no regrets (so far) and loving my child free life!

Because I enjoy travel, a carefree life, because I never met a man who was remotely interested in kids.
I was adamant that I didn't want children.
Having said that I had a big change of heart in my lated 30s, started a new relationship with a man that was keen to be a father and we went on to have two chilidren together.

@costacoffeecup why do you let your partner leave it all to you?