To be annoyed at family members printing my pics?

[DemelzaPoldark]

This has been annoying me for a while. Am I right to be annoyed?

My DM is over invested in, almost obsessed with my two DC. This is irritating as she frequently oversteps boundaries but DM and DC have good relationship.

Last year family holiday (me, DH and DC) I took lots of pics which I shared on social media to a limited audience of close family. I did this so that DM didn't have to worry or constantly phone to check up, could see kids were happy etc.

On return from holiday DM asked for printed copies of the photos. I said I might get round to it at some point. She kept asking and I kept putting her off. I felt she was being intrusive- my kids, my holiday, my photos. I didn't actually say no, but it was clear she wasn't getting the photos.
Fast forward to Christmas, Dsis presents DM with an album of my holiday, and other, photos which she had lifted from FB. She also presented me with one of my photos, blown up to 8x10 size in a frame (not a photo I really like). She hadn't asked permission. Obviously DM had been complaining that I wasn't providing what she wanted so Dsis decided to remedy the situation.

I do realise that by posting photos on social media you are leaving yourself open to this, but I had been careful to only share with trusted family members. Kids are teens who are firmly against their images being generally shared.

I have now made all my photos private to only me and have blocked DM and Dsis from FB. AIBI?

I felt she was being intrusive- my kids, my holiday, my photos

A Grandparent wanting some nice photos of their own Grandchildren is not intrusive, it's completely normal. If it was your next door neighbour asking for copies of your holiday photos then yeah, that would be weird and intrusive and your reaction would be understandable.

You are clearly very angry with your DM and I'm sure that anger stems from a great deal more than some holiday photos. But blocking your Dsis for printing out photos that you chose to share with her is completely OTT as is being furious with your DM for wanting some nice pictures of her Grandchildren.

This is one of the saddest threads I've read on here an interested grandparent wanting photos of their grandchildren to put up in their home tou sound bizarre and hard work if these teens didn't want their pictures shared you wouldn't have put them on fb this sounds like a control thing from you I feel sorry for you're mum.

No sorry YABU and i would be disappointed to be your mother, they are HER grandkids and she loves them, if your okay putting the pictures onto Social media then you should be okay with her having an album, i have all my photos on facebook but i also have many photo albums which my mum is welcome to if she wants any of the pics.

you sound abit wierd to be honest as it really is a complete normal thing for a grandparent to have photos of her family :S

Erm..... this is weird

I'm baffled by some of the comments on this thread regarding the so-called "weirdness" and "creepy" nature of a grandparent wanting a photo of a grandchild. I couldn't stand my mother, there was never any love between us at all* but I have always happily printed out pictures of my daughter for her. Even when she was in a nursing home with dementia she had photos of my daughter in her room.

*She died at the end of March this year btw and to my amazement my nails - which were always badly bitten although I never realised when I was actually biting them - are now lovely and long! A very surprising side-effect of her death.

I think if you don't want her to have the photos you need to actually tell her that and not keep fobbing her off.

It does seem odd behaviour from you not to want to share holiday pics so I assume there is a big back story.

YABU. You gave her access to digital photos. That's the same as giving her the photos these days.
We have a family WhatsApp group on which my parents, an aunt, my siblings and I exchange news and post photos of each of us on holiday, painting the house, first tooth lost, first/last day of school - all that sort of thing.
Last Christmas my mum gave me a photo book of the holiday of a lifetime I had had with DH and DC - all lifted from the WhatsApp group. It was my favourite present and I love looking through it.
My brother gave us each a framed selfie of my parents and us siblings at family meet up - it was a smashing photo and I love it (I have the digital copy somewhere too, but he printed and framed it).
I know that my mum and the rest of the family save some of the photos to their own photos and use them show their friends and other family members what we are each up to and what the kids look like now. I love our shared family photo album. No different to the printed school photo I send every year, in my opinion.

once on social media i would have zero problem with a family member printing photos.

I think your attitude towards your mom in not wanting her to have printed versions (but digital is fine) is strange. And your "maybe" then not having any intention of is just rude.

However its not your sisters place to give them as gifts are that would annoy me. My sister once gave my mom a "worlds best grandma" mug. she had no children at the time but i did. very odd.

I think you're being a bit precious. My fb profile is "friends only" but even so, I only put something on there that I am happy to be seen. I therefore wouldn't have an issue at all with those photos being printed. I would also appreciate he effort that dsis went to to do it. Furthermore, I would have got photos printed when my mother had asked. Their house is full of photos of grandkids. Seems very normal to me.

Also, I have had friends take photos from my fb before, print it, frame it and give it to me as a gift. And I have done this a few times as well. Don't see a problem at all.

@Preggosaurus9 what we're on the photos that would make it creepy to have hardcopy on display, or that other people would see them?

Her wanting hard copies of a couple of pics of the grandchildren - normal

You not wanting her to have them - pretty odd

DSis printing them off anyway, making her an album and giving it to her for Christmas in front of you - beyond not ok

I honestly think you're overreacting. If she can have the digital version what's wrong with her printing them? They're her grandchildren so if she wants photos for her personal album then that's fine.

I'm sorry to say but you're being OTT. Your kids might not like their image widely shared but this is a grandma who wants pics of her grandchildren.

Christ. I have a 'family photo wall' in my kitchen. All pics of family from parents down to great nieces (and including the girlfriends of my nephews). About 90% of the photos I printed from FB so I could ensure I didn't miss anyone out.

I had the whole family round here last summer (all 27 of them). Now I'm worried that they think I'm 'creepy' not really, my house my rules and if it's on FB it's fair game

I would NEVER in a million years deny my mum printed copies of my ds.

I send her any photos I make public and any that are particularly good so she can keep on iPad or display.

I never get why someone doesn't want a photo on a mantle piece. You do get when you are in their house they can see you anyway

I think I sort of understand you, OP.
Your mum has a history of violating boundaries.
You post pictures on your Facebook page where you can decide at any time to remove them or to no longer let them be visible to certain people.
Once people save them from your page (which happens probably more then we think but is in fact a bit rude because you didnt give permission to save your pictures and probably be used elsewhere, but we don’t live in a perfect world) you no longer have control over who can see them or how they are used. Is that what is bothering you? I can kind of understand what you mean, almost like visitors taking pictures of hard copy photos in your home to have a copy of that picture for themselves.

I do think it’s strange your dsis made an album of photos of your children, photos that she didnt take herself, as a gift for your mum without asking you first.

Removing her from FB wasnt the best step IMO.
If I were you and it had bothered me, I would have excluded my dsis from the people who can see certain photos you post in the future (FB offers that option) but keep her as a FB connection. I am NC with my parents and will use that option if I want to prevent that some people they know might save photos of my DS and send it to my narc parents.

I can't work out what negative consequences the OP fears now that her mother has 'hard copy' photos of her children. What harm is it actually doing, given that it was fine for the photos to be on FB?

I think YANBU. It is slightly creepy. OP make an effort to give your mum more photos of the kids though.

I think it has pissed OP off because there are bigger issues here.

It is slightly creepy
Can anyone who has said its creepy please explain why.

Oh wow
Just wow - poor mum wanting pics of her grand children
And now blocked
Sorry you had a terrible childhood and feel like this

Can anyone who has said its creepy please explain why

Because maybe OP doesn’t want those particular photos of her on holiday with her kids on her mums mantle piece?

I’d be creeped out if anyone I knew was printing off my Facebook photos. The mum should have just asked her for photos.

Also we don’t know what their relationship was like growing up etc.

You've blocked your mum and sister over this

I genuinely wouldn't think twice about my mum printing off photos I've shared with her of the children. Be lucky you have a mum who loves your kids. Some people don't have that privilege.

The mum should have just asked her for photos she did, op gave her the impression she hadn't got time, not that she was crepes out by the ideal of her mother having them.

What can you do with printed photos that you can't do with digital ones??

Unless there's a massive drip feed about there being a paedophile who visits or lives with her DM then rude, cheeky etc I get but creepy? To want what I assume is not an indecent shot of your own blood relatives??

They not photos of the kids sleeping taken from covert cameras!

When your mother and sister ask why they've been deleted, are you actually going to say it's because of wanting pictures and printing them off?😂😂😂

Ignore the mean comments, people take things too far sometimes and forget it's just a bunch of strangers on the internet it's not a serious personal situation for them to get so bothered over.