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Original poster

Was I rude...talking during movie

152 replies

Lotuslots · 09/06/2019 08:33

This is so absolutely stupid. We are both in our fifties....new friends through work and both a bit lonely I would say and both looking for new friends. And it is seems to be so hard to make new friends in this age group. I don't know why it should be so hard.....but I don't want this opportunity to pass me by.
We went and say rocketman today. She is a big Elton john fan...me not so much but looking forward to the movie though. Our first move together.
To no drip feed... I am someone who thinks that when you are out in public your ultimate goal is not to have everyone have to think about you. I.e. your presence is mostly unnoticed.
In the movie from the moment it started she began commenting. I ignored and didn't respond. She just kept talking. All through the movie....comments about her favourite songs...she knew this was a difficult part of his life.... wasn't the acting so good. It did not stop. I ignored all of it. And she did not stop. I never turned my head....just ignored it all.
But after the movie finished.....still in the cinema..... she said well goodbye I am going now. And walked off. Obviously not happy with me.
Im lost. I want a new friend. But do I want a new friend who talks all through a movie. I am just like what the hell. Is it me.I really don't know.

OP posts:
EdWinchester · 09/06/2019 10:54

She is totally mannerless and ignorant. If I’d been in that cinema, I’d have told her to be quiet.

TigerLilyMasie · 09/06/2019 10:56

Maybe she was over excited and nervous to be out with a potential long-term friend. People can talk to impress and through nerves. If you think there is a chance and you got on well before this incident I would give it another go. Just be honest with her and see how she reacts.

A while ago I met with a girl I had been at primary school with. It was lovely to meet someone who knew me as a small child as I no longer have such people in my life. I was very excited. But it soon became apparent that apart from our school and our age we had nothing else in common. I gradually let it fade but I am glad I tried.

MitziK · 09/06/2019 10:58

You weren't rude.

What kind of monster yaks all the way through a movie as if they're at home going 'oooohhhhhh, she won't like that, will she?' at some shit soap opera?

You can be friends without ever going to the cinema with her again.

bananasonfire · 09/06/2019 10:59

People who think that it's okay to talk during films at the cinema - have you never noticed the advert directly before the film begins?
It directs you to turn off your phone to avoid distracting other people and always specifies no talking.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/06/2019 11:00

I'd have whispered, 'Can we talk about it later?' but if she's like that then she'd probably have taken offence/sulked and walked off afterwards anyway.
People who talk in cinemas/theatres are a PITA.

HollowTalk · 09/06/2019 11:01

I wish all cinema seats came with a "Shut the fuck up" button that you could press if someone was talking.

EL8888 · 09/06/2019 11:02

I have never understood why people talk in the cinema, it’s so rude and selfish. Unless it’s something like “lm ill and going home now”. I can see why you ignored her, why encourage her? It’s good she wasn’t sat near me as l would have told her to be quiet and if she would have continued then l would have involved cinema staff -l have done this in the past

EL8888 · 09/06/2019 11:02

@HollowTalk yes!!

popsuey · 09/06/2019 11:02

Even on this thread you can see the folk who think it's ok to jabber on throughout a film. It isn't. You're being annoying.

I don't think you were rude OP. I think that any polite sounds or nods you made would just have encouraged her to talk more. My mum's closest friend is a lovely person and brilliant friend, but my mum says you can never go to the cinema or to see a show of any sort with her as she is incapable of stopping talking. You can actually see her sometimes trying to reign it in a little, but it's as if she physically can't stop talking. It would do my nut in.

woodcutbirds · 09/06/2019 11:16

OP, just because you are lonely doesn't mean you have to put up with any old shit from any old person. You and she don't sound compatible at all. She's not sympathetic to other people's needs (talking through a film will have pissed off so many people around her.) If you continued the friendship, I bet you'd find there were other instances too.

You need a real friend or two - people who are truly compatible with you. As others have said, there's Meet Up, there's the Red Hat Society for women over 50, (I saw them once out and about and I was so jealous - they looked like they were having a brilliant time but I was too young to join at the time!) There's the WI which in our village is full of women in their fifties and sixties who've come out of child rearing or taken retirement and want to build up their social lives again. There's the Woman & Home supper clubs which could be good as you meet strangers for dinner which gets you talking.

Make a list of a few things you might enjoy doing and just try and do some. Then when you do them, get chatting and be bold. If there's a film coming up, mention you want to see it and ask if anyone fancies coming along. Eventually you'll find someone.

If she is funny at work, just be honest and say - I just can't talk during films. I miss too much and feel conscious that I'll be winding up other people in the audience. Don't apologise - you did nothing wrong.

Pinkyyy · 09/06/2019 11:34

You were extremely rude, why would you just ignore her instead of politely telling her you'd talk after? I hate all this nonsense about you having to be absolutely silent during a film. Of course she shouldn't have been talking constantly all the way through, but whispering the odd comment to whoever you are with is absolutely fine to me. It's no wonder she walked off from you, you treated her like an idiot.

rainbowsallaround · 09/06/2019 11:49

Agree with @Pinkyyy

rainbowsallaround · 09/06/2019 11:50

Also starting to see why neither of you have any friends!

Boysey45 · 09/06/2019 11:54

@rainbowsallaround-Thats a very unkind thing to say.

Moneybegreen · 09/06/2019 11:57

If I had been in the same screen as her I would have shhhhd her.

And if she didn't STFU I would have gone and fetched an usher to tell her to.

Absolutely hate people talking in the cinema. So rude.

Sarahandco · 09/06/2019 11:59

That is odd behaviour, surely it would have been more enjoyble for you both to watch the film (in silence) and then go for a coffee or something after to discuss the movie.

I probably would have nodded silently to her - as used to do with my children if they spoke during a film.

honeylulu · 09/06/2019 12:06

She was rude and annoying. Not just to you but others around you.

But I would say I think going to the cinema has always seemed to me like an odd thing to do socially because to enjoy the film properly you have to ignore your companions.

Since having children I've never been to the cinema with my husband. It seemed bizarre to pay a babysitter so we could go on a "date " where we say next to each other but didn't speak!

I am a bit weird though.

ilovepixie · 09/06/2019 12:08

My OH talks through films and tv shows. Drives me mad!

maimainomai · 09/06/2019 12:16

Just ignoring her was really rude as well imo.

Saying something like: 'I'd love to talk about this after the movie. We could go have a coffee (tea, glass of wine, whatever) later...? ' would have been much nicer.

I sometimes have word vomit issues and I'd appreciate that approach much more.

however I udually wouldn't just keep talking without getting any kind of answer / acknowledgement either....

It seems like she was at least trying...

Sounds like she may not have someone to talk to in quite some time. 🤷🏻‍♀️ One of my grandmothers is a bit like that. (well, both are. But the other one has dementia so the situation is really not comparable...)

maimainomai · 09/06/2019 12:19

*usually.

Not udually.

Anniegetyourgun · 09/06/2019 12:22

OP clearly didn't intend to be rude, she was paralysed by doubt and indecision (and irritation!). I think I'd probably have found the same difficulty telling someone I didn't know all that well to be quiet please - although at my current time of life (even older than OP and friend) I am just about bloody-minded enough to do it. I can see why she didn't feel able to.

As for myself, I'm a terrible talker, including commenting on movies, but even I am capable of shutting up during a public showing, the occasional whole-audience gasp/laugh/cheer moments excepted (I love those). DS and I save the commentary for the journey home, although if, say, we have a meal after the performance we try not to talk spoilers in case anyone overhears. Do unto others 'n' all that.

sonjadog · 09/06/2019 12:27

The other woman probably didn’t intend to be rude either...

maimainomai · 09/06/2019 12:31

OP clearly didn't intend to be rude, she was paralysed by doubt and indecision (and irritation!).

And the other woman most likely didn't intend to be rude either....

maimainomai · 09/06/2019 12:32

@sonja

Sorry, I should have refreshed the page.

sonjadog · 09/06/2019 12:34

Great minds, etc...