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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I rude...talking during movie

152 replies

Lotuslots · 09/06/2019 08:33

This is so absolutely stupid. We are both in our fifties....new friends through work and both a bit lonely I would say and both looking for new friends. And it is seems to be so hard to make new friends in this age group. I don't know why it should be so hard.....but I don't want this opportunity to pass me by.
We went and say rocketman today. She is a big Elton john fan...me not so much but looking forward to the movie though. Our first move together.
To no drip feed... I am someone who thinks that when you are out in public your ultimate goal is not to have everyone have to think about you. I.e. your presence is mostly unnoticed.
In the movie from the moment it started she began commenting. I ignored and didn't respond. She just kept talking. All through the movie....comments about her favourite songs...she knew this was a difficult part of his life.... wasn't the acting so good. It did not stop. I ignored all of it. And she did not stop. I never turned my head....just ignored it all.
But after the movie finished.....still in the cinema..... she said well goodbye I am going now. And walked off. Obviously not happy with me.
Im lost. I want a new friend. But do I want a new friend who talks all through a movie. I am just like what the hell. Is it me.I really don't know.

OP posts:

Piglet89 · 09/06/2019 09:11

@IndistinctRadioChatter PMSL fair point!

LillithsFamiliar · 09/06/2019 09:12

Was the cinema busy? I've been to the cinema lately and we've been the only other people there so I was ok with DH talking occasionally. There was no-one to disturb.
You were rude to ignore her and contributed to her continuing to talk. If you'd been clear that you had heard her but weren't going to chat during the movie, she probably would have stopped commenting to you.
You seem rather rigid and anxious. If you don't want to go to the cinema with her, just call her and say you need to concentrate when at the movies and didn't meant to seem rude but would love to have a chat about the movie now/go for a coffee/ have lunch.
I wouldn't drop a possible friend because they chatted during a movie.

lottiegarbanzo · 09/06/2019 09:13

But yes, loneliness can make people very talkative. She was trying to engage with you and you shunned her - which after a while must have felt quite humiliating for her.

It was quite odd of you to ignore someone talking to you for such a long time. By letting her go on, without intervention, you eventually (when the penny dropped) communicated that you hated what she was doing - after allowing her to do it for ages. That wasn't tactful or kind.

Piglet89 · 09/06/2019 09:13

I go to the Curzon now, with my friends Lady Bumbingly-Furlong and the Countess of Plumpington.

Strugglingtodomybest · 09/06/2019 09:14

It's not you OP. I'd say that she's rude not just for talking throughout the movie, but also for walking off at the end. Or maybe she's just a bit emotionally immature? If she was annoyed with you then she could have told you.

my2bundles · 09/06/2019 09:17

She was rude. My kids understand you don't talk at tne cinema. OP wasn't being rude.

BentBaastard · 09/06/2019 09:17

She was in the wrong completely.

My 17 year old son checks everyone knows the rules before going into the cinema.

No talking
No phones
No noisy snacks 🤣🤣

🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Next time, do that.

Or pretend you are deaf in the ear she was next to and deny hearing her talk. Feign ignorance and rebook to do something else together but give her the rules in advance.

LizzieSiddal · 09/06/2019 09:18

Ye she was rude to talk (unless you were the only people in the cinema), however you were very rude to have ignored her! You should have just said something to her.

Strugglingtodomybest · 09/06/2019 09:18

But yes, loneliness can make people very talkative. She was trying to engage with you and you shunned her - which after a while must have felt quite humiliating for her.

I would agree with this if they weren't in the cinema, but everyone knows (don't they?) that you shouldn't talk in the cinema so surely she couldn't have been expecting him to talk back?

Saucery · 09/06/2019 09:19

If you are interested in taking the friendship further then I would contact her and explain why you ignored her. It’s perfectly possible to have a friend who doesn’t share every single value you do and I know people who I openly say “Well, I’m not going to the cinema with you, asking ‘Who is he, then? Why has she just shot that guy?”. We laugh about it, move on, do other stuff we enjoy together.
Even if it’s a real sticking point for you and you don’t want to meet up again I would still contact her and explain that it’s one of your bugbears and ignoring the talking, not her, was your aim. Otherwise you could be compounding a lonely person’s feelings of isolation and unhappiness.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/06/2019 09:20

I had a problem with talkers when I went to see Derren Brown! We were all standing trying to concentrate to be hyponitised; these people chose not to (fine) but sat down and chatted loudly instead so no one else could concentrate. I was murderous!

I went to see that show. I didn’t stand up because I was pregnant and sat on the ceiling so falling was a real possibility.

sonjadog · 09/06/2019 09:21

I agree it is annoying when people talk in the cinema, but I think the OP was really rude for ignoring her. There is a whole world of actions between ignoring someone and telling them to shut up. You could have said you'd like to talk about the film afterwards over a drink, said you wanted to concentrate, any amount of things. I doubt she'll want to meet up again, so I don't think you need to worry about this one any more.

MaidenMotherCrone · 09/06/2019 09:22

You should've sealed her lips with your forefinger and thumb, gestured towards the screen with your free hand and then placed a finger on your own lips to indicate silence.

Works just fine for me 😉

motherheroic · 09/06/2019 09:23

Some people just get excited. I would have said 'Let's talk after the film'. I think the more you ignored her the harder she tried.

janetforpresident · 09/06/2019 09:23

I feel sorry for her. She was rude to talk during the movie but ignoring her was also rude. As others have suggested something along the lines of "sorry I am struggling to concentrate shall we talk afterwards?" Is more polite and more likely to get her to stop talking.

It would be a pity to lose a friendship over this. You have established she's not the person to go and see a film with but you obviously liked her before this so do other things together!

Orangeballon · 09/06/2019 09:23

She was very rude, I find this behaviour very annoying.

feelingsinister · 09/06/2019 09:27

Talkers are very annoying but I think you could have handled it better and not ignored her for the whole film. She's either very thick skinned and it took her ages to notice or she was making a point by carrying on talking.

Why don't you text or call her and explain that you're sorry if she thought you were being rude but that it isn't ok to talk all the way through a film and you weren't sure how to handle it. Then say that you enjoy her friendship and don't want to lose it.

You have nothing to lose and surely it's better to have a friendship where you can be open with each other?

TanMateix · 09/06/2019 09:28

Frankly, it is not on to talk in cinemas and incredibly annoying but it would have cost you nothing to say “hey, let’s talk about it over a coffee when it finishes!”

I would have been mortified about so much talking but wouldn’t have ignored her completely. That was just plain rude (and a bit weird, as annoying as her behaviour was)

gingerpaleandproud · 09/06/2019 09:31

I have a lovely friend who has a habit of talking in the cinema, at music gigs, comedy gigs etc. It's infuriating but I just tell her to be quiet, nicely! She's not a bad person, she's just very verY talkative.
As people have said, ignoring her was rude, as was her talking throughout. She's pissed off about you not acknowledging her at all. Saying "sorry you're distracting me, can we chat after?" would have been the right thing to do.

Oblomov19 · 09/06/2019 09:34

You're not supposed to talk in the cinema! Good God, stupid woman. One comment is ok. But you are supposed to be quiet.
Dump her!

youarenotkiddingme · 09/06/2019 09:34

Lotus if you want a friend and she's become a good friend then find another activity. It's ridiculous to let this incident end what could be a good friendship.

My best friend and I have very opposing views and attitudes in some things. We just don't engage in these things together.

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 09:35

If she is always so rude and inconsiderate, you haven't lost a friend, you have avoided a pain in the back side!

BarbaraofSevillle · 09/06/2019 09:37

Umm, if you want to chat, don't go to the cinema surely?

It's not like there aren't any bars, cafes, restaurants, or all manner of other places more suitable for meeting up and talking is there?

AJPTaylor · 09/06/2019 09:38

It doesn't mean you can't be friends! Call her, invite her out for a lunch or evening meal. Just tell her that you only enjoy films in silence so maybe the pictures isn't a suitable thing. Do something else! I am early 50s and relocated a couple of years ago. It's not easy making friends but you have to persist.

grumiosmum · 09/06/2019 09:39

You were both rude.

She should not have been talking throughout the film (the very occasional whispered comment is OK I think) and you definitely should not have completely ignored her.

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