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Original poster

Was I rude...talking during movie

152 replies

Lotuslots · 09/06/2019 08:33

This is so absolutely stupid. We are both in our fifties....new friends through work and both a bit lonely I would say and both looking for new friends. And it is seems to be so hard to make new friends in this age group. I don't know why it should be so hard.....but I don't want this opportunity to pass me by.
We went and say rocketman today. She is a big Elton john fan...me not so much but looking forward to the movie though. Our first move together.
To no drip feed... I am someone who thinks that when you are out in public your ultimate goal is not to have everyone have to think about you. I.e. your presence is mostly unnoticed.
In the movie from the moment it started she began commenting. I ignored and didn't respond. She just kept talking. All through the movie....comments about her favourite songs...she knew this was a difficult part of his life.... wasn't the acting so good. It did not stop. I ignored all of it. And she did not stop. I never turned my head....just ignored it all.
But after the movie finished.....still in the cinema..... she said well goodbye I am going now. And walked off. Obviously not happy with me.
Im lost. I want a new friend. But do I want a new friend who talks all through a movie. I am just like what the hell. Is it me.I really don't know.

OP posts:
Sockworkshop · 09/06/2019 08:56

How was the OP rude ?Confused
I would have told her to stop talking !
Bloody hell so annoying to yap all the way through a film.

AphidEater · 09/06/2019 08:56

She was rude and annoying! I would probably have done the same as you tbh - I certainly wouldn’t have talked back, if that’s what she wanted.

She might not be the best friend anyway if she’s so utterly oblivious and self-centred, so maybe this is a good thing to know now?

pictish · 09/06/2019 08:57

Bit rude of you to completely ignore her. When it was clear that she was going to persist, I would have made a comment to the effect of talking about it later.
It was probably quite disconcerting for her.

JacquesHammer · 09/06/2019 08:57

She was rude to talk through the movie but you were also rude to ignore her.

I’d have said “sorry I can’t concentrate on you , but would love to hear your thoughts after”

queenMab99 · 09/06/2019 08:58

I used to hate the cinema, people chatting, rustling sweet papers ect. but now, I need hearing aids, and can adjust them to the hearing link setting in the cinema, it is wonderful! I can hear everything I am supposed to hear, but it filters out all the annoying noises. It is very immersive, and reminds me of when I first used stereo headphones to listen to music, that lovely sensation of being surrounded by sound Grin it is one of the benefits of getting old and decrepit!

sonjadog · 09/06/2019 08:58

She shouldn't have talked through the film but why on earth did you just ignore her and not say anything?? You could have just said that you'd like to concentrate on the film and that you could discuss it afterwards. She must have thought you were really rude and weird ignoring her.

Sicario · 09/06/2019 08:59

I have a batshit friend who I adore. She always gives a running commentary through movies. Drives me up the wall and I don't understand how she is still alive.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/06/2019 08:59

We went to see Hamilton (amazing!!) in London. A woman two rows behind us spent the whole thing loudly explaining to her daughter - who looked about 8/9 - what was happening. Completely ruined it for me. I struggle to focus on the performance when people around me are talking. I’m the person who turns around and tells them to shush.

DH and I watched Derren Brown a few years ago. At the interval, a man and his adult daughter were removed for talking.

OP, if you want to be friends with her, go somewhere where talking is allowed.

AphidEater · 09/06/2019 08:59

everyone has pet peeves, she just doesn't know that one of yours is you don't like commentary during the cinema but if she does and you want to be mates you have to compromise or be tactful?

Hmm

The issue isn’t that OP has a ‘pet peeve’, it’s that the friend has decided she’s the most important person in the cinema and that her right to keep up an inane commentary throughout is more important than everyone else there’s right to enjoy the film. There’s not really any controversy over the fact that people who talk in the cinema are dickheads.

PettyContractor · 09/06/2019 09:00

I think you were rude to blatantly ignore her. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging and giving her a nod or a smile or just mouthing/whispering "oh yeah me too".

That's ridiculous, that would be encouraging her to carry on. The message the OP wanted to convey was "Shut the fuck up, you are spoiling the whole movie for me and the ten other people who can hear you."

Original poster
Lotuslots · 09/06/2019 09:01

I never shushed her. Strangely I thought that would absolutely be the rudest thing I could do and so I would never ever do that. But she obviously was upset but my doing nothing....which was me ignoring her.
I have screwed this up and all I wanted was a new friend. But I seriously actually don't want a friend who talks all through a movie at the theatre. Surely in your fifties you should make friends with people who know this sort of stuff.

OP posts:
ainsisoisje · 09/06/2019 09:02

If she’s a huge fan did she not get a bit overexcited, was she trying to impress you perhaps and took your silence as a green light to keep going? I used to talk in films, but was raised in an eccentric family where doing a running commentary was part of our fun so she might have just misjudged it or thought she was being informative??!

Boysey45 · 09/06/2019 09:03

I'm surprised she didn't get kicked out. Its very hard to ask a new friend to be quiet really, so I can see why OP ignored her.
I wouldn't go to the cinema with her again no way. OP look at different things to join in order to make some new friends and acquaintances.

JacquesHammer · 09/06/2019 09:04

But I seriously actually don't want a friend who talks all through a movie at the theatre

So choose other activities?

Surely in your fifties you should make friends with people who know this sort of stuff

People should. But some don’t. I know a lovely woman who has no awareness until it’s pointed out to her. She wouldn’t even realise she was chatting until you said “can we do this after”. Then she’d be mortified and apologise and we’d be fine.

IndistinctRadioChatter · 09/06/2019 09:04

People who talk during movies at the cinema drive me absolutely BONKERS. It’s the main reason I let my Cineworld Unlimited card lapse as there were so many plebs who treated the auditorium like it was their front room.

Plebs??? Were you expecting Cineworld to be filled with nobility, Lady @Piglet89 ?

lottiegarbanzo · 09/06/2019 09:05

Why didn't you just say 'Shall we discuss it afterwards? Maybe get a drink?'

There is a lot of ground in between 'ignore' and 'shush'.

You're probably right that someone who does this will turn out to be annoying in other ways though and just not a good friendship match for you.

pictish · 09/06/2019 09:06

I’d have said “sorry I can’t concentrate on you , but would love to hear your thoughts after”

That would have done.

SingingLily · 09/06/2019 09:06

She was not being reasonable but what I keep coming back to is that she is lonely. Lots of perfectly valid reasons why that might be but is it possible that she is a bit socially awkward? Perhaps she was nervous and trying too hard?

I think EleanorOalike's advice is good. I would say give her the benefit of the doubt. See if you can meet for a coffee, have a chance to talk about what happened, and perhaps try again to establish whether this might be a friendship in the making. If it is, you might both be able to laugh about this one day. If it isn't, well you tried and there's no shame in that. Good luck.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 09/06/2019 09:07

DH and I watched Derren Brown a few years ago. At the interval, a man and his adult daughter were removed for talking

I had a problem with talkers when I went to see Derren Brown! We were all standing trying to concentrate to be hyponitised; these people chose not to (fine) but sat down and chatted loudly instead so no one else could concentrate. I was murderous!

OP, your friend was annoying and completely inconsiderate of your and others’ enjoyment of the film. However I’d have at least nodded with a little smile or something when she spoke, as ignoring her wasn’t the friendliest thing to do!

pictish · 09/06/2019 09:07

There is a lot of ground in between 'ignore' and 'shush'.

Agree! It’s not like you have to pick one or the other.

Celebelly · 09/06/2019 09:08

God, this would drive me bonkers.

namechangedforthis1980 · 09/06/2019 09:08

I saw a live concert at the cinema last night and the two women next to me chatted the whole way through! One of them had obviously been to see the actual show recently so was pre empting everything.

" ooh I like the next bit, it's the bit when...." etc

Shut the fuck up!!!

ilovesooty · 09/06/2019 09:08

The OP was not rude.

If you struggle to make friends it must have been disconcerting to you for this to happen and it leaves you at a bit of a loss as to how to respond. It's easy for others to say what they would have done.

Your companion was rude. If you want to pursue the friendship you could approach her to discuss it but that's your choice.

LakieLady · 09/06/2019 09:09

People talking in cinemas is the reason I rarely go to the cinema.

It's really bad manners on her part.

TheRealShatParp · 09/06/2019 09:11

Your friend was annoying and rude.
I wouldn’t have ignored her completely though, I’d have asked her if we could talk about it afterwards.