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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I rude...talking during movie

152 replies

Lotuslots · 09/06/2019 08:33

This is so absolutely stupid. We are both in our fifties....new friends through work and both a bit lonely I would say and both looking for new friends. And it is seems to be so hard to make new friends in this age group. I don't know why it should be so hard.....but I don't want this opportunity to pass me by.
We went and say rocketman today. She is a big Elton john fan...me not so much but looking forward to the movie though. Our first move together.
To no drip feed... I am someone who thinks that when you are out in public your ultimate goal is not to have everyone have to think about you. I.e. your presence is mostly unnoticed.
In the movie from the moment it started she began commenting. I ignored and didn't respond. She just kept talking. All through the movie....comments about her favourite songs...she knew this was a difficult part of his life.... wasn't the acting so good. It did not stop. I ignored all of it. And she did not stop. I never turned my head....just ignored it all.
But after the movie finished.....still in the cinema..... she said well goodbye I am going now. And walked off. Obviously not happy with me.
Im lost. I want a new friend. But do I want a new friend who talks all through a movie. I am just like what the hell. Is it me.I really don't know.

OP posts:
fonxey · 09/06/2019 09:42

She was so rude! No loss there. One of my big rules about cinema going is to Shut the F* Up. That would have driven me mental. However maybe you could have said something... Like shut up! Maybe ignoring want the best method (obviously didn't get the message through to her even though it should have been obvious to anyone with a brain cell!)

I don't even like talking through watching films or dvds at home.

Unless you are under 10 (and then parents should be teaching children to be quiet) there is no excuse.

Sorry you had a bad stay with the new or maybe ex friend. She was rude she as far as i am concerned shows an absolute lack of concern for anyone else. Which doesn't bode well!

LenizarLyublyu · 09/06/2019 09:43

There's nothing wrong with acknowledging and giving her a nod or a smile or just mouthing/whispering "oh yeah me too".

Wouldn't that just encourage her to warble on more

saraclara · 09/06/2019 09:44

Both rude. You could have said "sorry...I can't hear very well. Let's talk about it later". Totally ignoring was rude.

(And I HATE talkers at the cinema/theatre)

bebeboeuf · 09/06/2019 09:45

She ruined the film for you and probably anyone else who could hear her too.

It sounds embarrassing for you and she sounds like she’s being melodramatic about just walking off at the end.
I would consider that rude of her too.

She’s probably sitting there thinking you were rude and you’re thinking she was.
Itl be a stalemate until one of you says something.

But in my experience you can’t reason with people who think that only they matter (as proven by talking through a film not caring about everyone else there)

If I wanted the friendship to continue I would maybe give her a call to say thanks for coming to cinema, shame we couldn’t catch up and discuss it after, as your preference is to not speak during a film

Guavaf1sh · 09/06/2019 09:45

I’m impressed you didn’t say or do anything much worse than simply ignoring her!

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 09/06/2019 09:49

It is annoying when people talk through a film but you completely ignored her! You could have made vague "mmm" noises or nodded and smiled at the odd comment (while thinking note to self: cinema trips might not be a good idea in the future). I mean you said yourself you weren't particularly pushed about seeing the film.

To sit staring ahead, refusing to acknowledge her in any way whatsoever was just odd and I wonder actually if your behaviour caused her feel a bit anxious and this made her keep trying to engage you. Sorry but I don't understand why you'd be so rigid when you say yourself you're looking for friends!

TheFaerieQueene · 09/06/2019 09:49

You were remarkably restrained.

I went to see Bill Bailey and the people behind me were talking during his set. I turned round and told them to shut up or leave. I didn’t care. It was rude of them and they weren’t going to ruin my or other people’s evening.

Reader, they shut up 😁

Buttons4me · 09/06/2019 09:50

She was rude not you. People go to the cinema to watch a film not talk. If you want to talk the cinema is not the place to go.

MrsEricBana · 09/06/2019 09:58

I'm sorry you are on the hunt for friends but don't bother with this one, she's not your cup of tea and wouldn't be mine either 💐

Zebedee88 · 09/06/2019 10:01

You were being rude too, by ignoring her. After she started talking, you should have said something.

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 09/06/2019 10:06

Jeez some of these responses! They were at a loud film not a comedy show or a play, you can get away with an occasional whispered comment. No wonder there are so many I Have No Friends threads on MN if people are so rigid about "the rules" of socialising and would encourage a poster who describes herself as lonely to ditch a new friend over this Hmm.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 09/06/2019 10:06

Talking during a movie is annoying, but she was probably hoping you'd engage, to share the experience in real time, to get to know each other etc. But...you just blanked her? How horrible.

If you didn't want to talk you should have told her you'll talk about it after. Ignoring someone is not how you make friends.

MrsMiggins37 · 09/06/2019 10:12

If you were rude you were politer than me I’d have told her to shut it. What a pain in the arse of a woman.

fonxey · 09/06/2019 10:15

You could have made vague "mmm" noises or nodded and smiled at the odd comment (while thinking note to self: cinema trips might not be a good idea in the future). I mean you said yourself you weren't particularly pushed about seeing the film.

Why would you do that? Don't encourage people to talk more just tell them to shush.

I don't think there was anything wrong with initially ignoring the woman, it's a polite hint that should have been picked up on. But after she ignored it something should have been said.

No one should feel they need to be polite all the time when someone else is being very obviously rude.

Thelittlemermaidphoto · 09/06/2019 10:17

This is more than her just being rude (or unaware of etiquette?) though. This is her thinking you were wrong and just walking off, it’s self entitlement. You don’t need someone like that in your life, it’s stressful.

JustanAunt · 09/06/2019 10:18

I went to the cinema recently with a work friend. I told him before hand that I don't do talking in the cinema, and he said he didn't either. What a liar! It wasn't constant luckily but it was definitely enough to irk me. I deal with talkers by ignoring comments but if they ask a question I will answer as briefly and quietly as possible. OP I don't think you did anything wrong but if you want to continue the friendship I would suggest just not doing that particular activity together

My mum is my favourite person to go to the cinema with, zero talking until afterwards where we fully dissect the film.

RosaWaiting · 09/06/2019 10:20

it's not you OP

I can feel your disappointment at thinking you've met a nice new friend and finding out they are the person who talks in a film!

Better luck next time. Flowers

Branleuse · 09/06/2019 10:27

She was super annoying to talk through a film, but you should have said "can we talk after, I cant do talking and watching". Completely blanking her probably made her feel really humiliated and you could have been gentler, so yes, im presuming youve lost a friend.

I remember going to the cinema with my mum and aunt and them whispering to each other through it. I dont want to go to the cinema with them again, but doesnt mean theyre bad people. When they tried to do it to me, I put my finger to my mouth and said shhh and they didnt do it again

bumblingbovine49 · 09/06/2019 10:32

I would definitely NOT have shushed her if I was trying to make a friend, though I might have if it was someone I knew well or family.

What i would have done is lean in and say that I have trouble concentrating on a film and listening to something else or that my hearing wasn't great etc so couldn't talk to her and listen to the film but would love to talk about it over coffee/a drink afterwards.

If she took offense at that, well maybe the friendship was not meant to be as everyone needs to set appropriate boundaries in a friendship but I think completely ignoring her is as rude as the talking

Obviously if you are trying to teach her a lesson that is fine but if you want to make a friend ignoring her for 2 hours is obviously going to alienate her .

As to those who proclaim that they wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who talks in the cinema,that is fine but then don't complain that you find friends hard to make if trivial things like being a bit too talkative in a film disqualifies someone from being bestowed with the wonder of your own obviously perfect personality and friendship Hmm

OP you say friends are hard to make and I am not saying in any way that this person would necessarily make a good friend for you but if you are looking for a friend you need to decide what you want

If talking through a film is dealbreaker for you in a friend then why feel bad? If not maybe reflect on the frankly awkward social skills that would allow you to completely ignore someone who is (probably also awkwardly and in this case I accept not in an appropriate place) trying to make a connection with you.

herethereandeverywhere · 09/06/2019 10:33

I'm baffled as to why you would think attending the cinema is a good way of making friends if you sit staring straight ahead and ignoring the person you have gone with for the entire film Confused

I agree that a running commentary is distracting for you and rude for other cinema go-ers but completing blanking her is not the way to make new friends - surely you knew that?!?!

AphidEater · 09/06/2019 10:38

I'm baffled as to why you would think attending the cinema is a good way of making friends if you sit staring straight ahead and ignoring the person you have gone with for the entire film

Have you ever been to a cinema before? Because doing literally anything other than what you have described is incredibly rude and inconsiderate.

I agree that a running commentary is distracting for you and rude for other cinema go-ers but completing blanking her is not the way to make new friends - surely you knew that?!?!

And surely the friend knew that you don’t fucking talk in a cinema when you’re sharing the space with a whole load of other people who have paid their money to be there and don’t want to have the experience spoiled by the one person who thinks whatever shite they have to say is more important than everyone else’s enjoyment?

If the friend is absolutely incapable of watching a film in silence she should have said ‘let’s get a coffee instead because I am, sadly, utterly unable to keep my mouth shut for 2 hours at a time and I would just ruin it for you and everyone else’ instead of inflicting her rudeness on the OP and the rest of the cinema

Jaxhog · 09/06/2019 10:40

I think you were rude to blatantly ignore her. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging and giving her a nod or a smile or just mouthing/whispering "oh yeah me too".
Seriously? Come on! The OP was indicating by saying nothing that she was listening to the film! Although I would have sushed her friend after the second comment.

MargaretHoulihan · 09/06/2019 10:46

Ignoring her wasn't rude.

The friend should have picked up on the signals that OP did not want to chat. The fact that she didn't probably means she is not your kind of person, OP.

TigerLilyMasie · 09/06/2019 10:47

OP could have said something as already suggested but I do wonder that someone could reach that age and not know that you don't witter on and on during a movie. I couldn't bear it.

BatShite · 09/06/2019 10:54

Ugh theres not many things I find more annoying than people who talk all through a film. If you want to do that, wait for it to come out on dvd or something and watch at home, why inconvenience everyone else as you want to yap?

I don't think I would have point blank ignored her though, but I would defintiely have said 'oh tell me after the film, I and others are trying to watch it!' or something, THEN ignored her or said again to shut up. Hell, if she kept yapping I might possibly have moved seats away from her so she couldnt talk anymore unless she wanted to talk to herself. I would be, along with annoyed, concerned that those around me (who even if they said nothing will have been pissed off) were thinking I was as much of a twat as she is.

I don't get it at all. I can understand it a bit more with young kids who might be there for the first time or whatever, but adults who do it are just arseholes. Theres no reason to do it, you must know you do it so basically, if you cannot stop yourself doing it, don't go to the fucking cinema at all. Self centred knobs.

Yes, it makes me rage a bit. I didn't see a AIBU as such in your OP, but even though you are wanting friends, I would avoid this woman like the plague. Shes clearly just self centred and..well annoying.