I've had the same experience as Earlywalker.
Which is weird because I broadly agree with Gender critical thinking and don't agree that trans women are women and that thinking that automatically makes you a hate filled bigot. I totally think that massive changes to the fabric of society and the minutae of law should be able to be debated freely. And I don't think that a law should be based on a fundamental untruth, however "kind" it maybe to participate in that lie.
But the Feminist boards I find unkind and not just that, I find them not very clever or constructive, because of the kind of thing that Earlywalker mentions. The tone can be toxic, the constant sarcastic and derogratory remarks about trans women, the personal insults (vile creature, bastard, thug, ridiculous ugly). It just builds an ugly atmosphere that doesn't help the argument. I'd prefer it to just be fact, for me the facts are enough, the facts paint the picture more than sufficiently. The personal insults just weaken the argument and make me recoil from the general movement.
I also think it makes contructive debate and resolution to this toxic issue less likely, an issue that is causing actual physical, mental and societal harm to many many people on a daily basis and desperately needs debate and compromise.
And that position is even before getting started on what trans allies would consider transphobic (i.e. misgendering, dead naming,). I don't personally think those things are transphobic, although I won't do them myself as I know they are considered transphobic and I don't want to weaken my argument.
But when I tried to make these points this week on this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3605069-Julie-Bindel-physically-attacked-after-meeting I was rounded upon.
Some of the accusations against me were of "tone policing" , which is understandable. It is annoying to be told watch your language when you are justifiably angry. (it's also an argument made by trans activists and allies)
But the rest I found surreal. Suddenly , just for asking for the personal insults to stop, I was not a feminist, maybe not even a woman, was centred men and their feelings over caring about violence against women, was a misogynist, was a troll trying to take the heat off Julie Blindell's attacker, that I knew them personally, that I was a liar. I was amazed that women who I broadly agreed with rounded on me so quickly just because I held a different view to them.
Like you Earlywalker I got personal messages from others saying that they agreed with me but are too scared to go on those boards. (a fact that was ridiculed on that thread).
That echos the way I feel in real life about speaking about about my gender critical views, only daring do it in private because of the very real fear that I will lose employment and friendships for my views.
This is a terrible state of affairs. a debate so toxic that opinions are kept secret rather than debated, because of a lack of compromise, kindness and constructiveness.
It's understandable I guess. This debate is so polarised that the folk at either end are so entrenched they don't actually know how toxic they are.The are just so incredibly angry that all they do is lash out any that suggests compromise. Anyone who suggests anything less than 100% adherence to their acceptable position.
For TRA's that anyone who doesn't believe that transwomen aren't women and that thinking otherwise is literal violence and is literally killing vulnerable people.
And for the Feminist boards here, giving an inch of ground through not resulting to personal insults is seen as capitulation and a betrayal of women.
It's incerdibly depressing.