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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say that I can’t do this right now...

137 replies

Molly564 · 08/06/2019 16:19

I know I probably am to some extent!

My best friend has been through a tough time of late and is getting married early next year.

I am one of 3 bridesmaids and will have a 17 month old at the time of the wedding.

I have just found out that we being asked to do bridesmaid things the day before the wedding and then have a meal and drinks in the evening and stay over (night before wedding)

All sounds great however this means leaving my LO for over 24 hours and overnight. Currently she’s never been left overnight or even looked after in an evening by anyone but my DH.

I know we do need to get the point where she can be left but I just don’t know what to say as I feel uncomfortable not being with her for that length of time and also I don’t know how she will settle without me.

AIBU to say I can’t stay over and just arrive Early on the morning of the wedding?

I know a lot of people who would probably love to stay away for the night.

One of the other bridesmaid’s has already left her DS who is 7 months for 2 nights to go on a hen do!

What do i say? DH isn’t very keen on the idea!

Do I just say I can be see how it goes?

OP posts:
Pa1oma · 08/06/2019 16:27

Can DH not be with her the night before and then you meet him later the following day at the wedding?

MyNewBearTotoro · 08/06/2019 16:27

Would you be leaving her with DH? I think if you’re anxious about leaving your DD with her own father for 24 hours then that is probably something you need to work on. He should be able to cope for 24 hours with his own daughter as you never know what might happen - in an emergency if you were hospitalised for example he’d need to step up.

I think you should be working towards feeling confident to leave DD with her Dad for more than a few hours now that she’s out of the baby stage.

Mrsjayy · 08/06/2019 16:27

Is the baby going to the wedding ? Could you book into the hotel with your husband he can stay with the her and you can go to the meal . The wedding is next year she will be a toddler by then I don't think a night away will harm anybody but you need to tell your friend what you want to do

Applejack5 · 08/06/2019 16:34

I'm sure you'll feel fine to leave her overnight with DH by the time she's 17 months, early next year. If you don't then that is a bit odd IMO... I left my baby with DH for a work trip then two hen dos when he was 11 months and 12 months old. No problems. Why wouldn't she be ok with her dad?

Original poster
Molly564 · 08/06/2019 16:34

No it’s not anxious at her being left with DH it’s me not being with her! Or at least around. She’s also still breastfed

OP posts:
PositiveVibez · 08/06/2019 16:36

One of the other bridesmaid’s has already left her DS who is 7 months for 2 nights to go on a hen do!

Erm and you think this is bad why?

Mrsjayy · 08/06/2019 16:37

What would you prefer to do ?

Qcumber · 08/06/2019 16:38

Shes going to grow up a lot between now and next year. And if she's still breastfeeding at that age you will be fine to leave her overnight, your supply will be fine for one night (although you may need to pump for your own comfort).
I think you should do some trial evenings with her dad settling her and try to let go a little.

Shequakes · 08/06/2019 16:38

I find it a bit concerning, meant in a kind way that you wont even contemplate having a night away from the baby. In 6-9 months time.

Mrsjayy · 08/06/2019 16:41

I also find it slightly odd you don't want to be away overnight there is nothing wrong with her staying with her dad she will cope without you.

starzig · 08/06/2019 16:42

Book it and see how you feel nearer the time, you can't see leaving her now but may feel completely fine when she is over a year old.

blushmelikeyou · 08/06/2019 16:43

It's only one night and you might not even be still breastfeeding then, I would go and have a good time.

DizzyPigeon · 08/06/2019 16:44

She'll be 17 months. She'll be fine without the boob for a day, assuming that she'll be well on to solids by then.

53rdWay · 08/06/2019 16:48

This is early next year, so in 6+ months? You might well feel fine about it by then and your baby will have changed massively in that space of time.

OneKeyAtATime · 08/06/2019 16:48

If you don't feel comfortable leaving her, don't.

plunkplunkfizz · 08/06/2019 16:51

Up to you what you feel like doing but I’d drop the judgy tone about the other bridesmaid.

TwelveThirtyTwo · 08/06/2019 16:51

Why isn’t your dh keen either?
He’s the child’s parent aswell. Don’t you ever leave your dc with the father?

Ginger1982 · 08/06/2019 16:52

By the time the wedding comes around you'll probably be desperate for a night away! Plus you don't know that you'll still be breastfeeding by then. You need to step back a little. It's only going to be one night.

IHateUncleJamie · 08/06/2019 16:54

I think (hope) you’ll feel differently by “early next year”. It’ll probably be a good thing for your dd to get used to your DH looking after her overnight so that if you ever have to go away with work or (fingers crossed this doesn’t happen) into hospital for a night, it won’t be a huge deal.

When do you have to commit to the overnight stay and will it involve putting a deposit down now? If you don’t have to commit/pay yet I would see how you feel nearer the time.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 08/06/2019 16:54

At 17 months I’m sure she’ll be fine without you for a night. You sound a bit judgemental towards the other bridesmaid who has already left her baby, why do you think that’s wrong? Sounds a bit PFB to me, unless there’s more to the story her father should be more than capable of looking after her for 24 hours.

WorraLiberty · 08/06/2019 16:54

Do whatever you want to do in the situation.

I can't see why the bride would have a problem with you turning up in the early morning.

HollowTalk · 08/06/2019 16:54

How far is it from your home? Can you do the daytime things, go home to put your baby to bed, then go out for the evening and then come home to sleep?

Purpleartichoke · 08/06/2019 16:56

No one should be pressuring you to separate from your child before you are both ready.

Merryoldgoat · 08/06/2019 16:57

At 17m I don’t quite understand why you can’t leave him with your DH.

They can meet you there the next day surely?

saraclara · 08/06/2019 16:58

Early next year is a long way away! Your DC will seem like a very different person by then, and you probably won't feel so twitchy. And to be honest, if you DC can't look after a 17 month old overnight by then, you have a problem.
So remind him that things will look very different by then, and he and your llittle one will be much more able to cope with your absence.