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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Words fail me... [warning: contains link to distressing story]

257 replies

Beebeezed · 07/06/2019 22:33

metro.co.uk/2019/06/07/baby-died-mum-took-nightclub-drunkenly-fell-asleep-9871288/

OP posts:
WePutTheSpringinSpringfield · 09/06/2019 18:38

Why sugary water?!

Butchyrestingface · 09/06/2019 18:43

Why sugary water?!

Sugary boiling water. It sticks.

SummerHouse · 09/06/2019 18:43

Sticks to skin intensifies the burn. Known as a napalm attack.

Dexterslockedintheshedagain · 09/06/2019 18:45

It's quite a common 'punishment' in prisons, unfortunately.

millythepink · 09/06/2019 18:48

This vile human being will probably have to be segregated in prison, for her own safety. But, inmates can be very resourceful and where's there's a will, there's a way. I hope she lives in terror every day.

WePutTheSpringinSpringfield · 09/06/2019 18:53

Oh. Oh I see.

DarkAtEndOfTunnel · 09/06/2019 19:23

I'm not attempting to excuse the woman's neglect. That's what it was though, not premeditated abuse. Taking delight in forecasting abuse for her seems a bit of an overreaction.

Shipwrecked2019 · 09/06/2019 19:28

Can I ask a maybe sensitive question...

When a baby dies of SIDS but mum has rolled on them, or blanket over the face, cot bumper etc. Why is it SID and not suffocation? The S in SIDS would make me think of a baby dying for no reason?

Hope I've worded it correctly. I've got a 4mo so this is just my worse nightmare. Poor baby boy

Mississippilessly · 09/06/2019 19:34

I think the issue is they cant prove her rolling over him killed him.

It clearly did but there is no evidence. And therefore it's down as SIDS.

Dexterslockedintheshedagain · 09/06/2019 19:38

Where have I expressed 'delight'? Hmm

Babyduck2 · 09/06/2019 19:40

Jesus Christ that is terrible.
Don't understand how people are saying not to judge, how can you not? I'm judging the lot of them, the sister and two men should all be in jail imo, and that baby was failed by every single person who saw him that night, why didn't anyone step in or call the authorities

AlecTrevelyan006 · 09/06/2019 19:46

while not condoning her actions in any way, the Wales online story probably presents a more accurate description of events

www.walesonline.co.uk/news/drunk-mum-seen-throwing-baby-16396089

and it would seem the 'nightclub' was merely the clubhouse at the caravan park - and these are regularly full of families and young kids, often until closing time

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 09/06/2019 20:01

That sentence is pathetic. 2 years and 4 months. Seriously?

Tillymintsmama · 09/06/2019 20:01

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Laiste · 09/06/2019 20:41

How have we got to this point where a woman can kill her child and people will desperately scrabble for reasons to absolve her of guilt

I believe a lot of people find the bare horror of what some other people are capable of too much. Their way to cope with it is to look for some angle, ANY angle, which detracts from that and is easier to process.
The woman has killed her child.
brain says

AbsentmindedWoman · 09/06/2019 21:01

I believe a lot of people find the bare horror of what some other people are capable of too much. Their way to cope with it is to look for some angle, ANY angle, which detracts from that and is easier to process.

Quite the opposite imo.

Looking for reasons why somebody ends up at the point where the kill their 4 week old is not finding excuses or justifying it. But it points to something being really, really wrong in that woman's life that things reached that point. And on a wider level it points to something really wrong in our society that resources weren't adequate to catch this child and get him to safe foster parents - because I bet it was pretty obvious through her pregnancy and during that poor child's pathetically short 1 month life that she was not able to properly care for him.

The reasons why do not detract from the utter fucking tragedy that a tiny baby died because of a shit mother. I'd rather try to search for the reasons and open discussions about what is going wrong and what structures and safety nets could be put in place so vulnerable children have a better chance at a safe childhood.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/06/2019 21:04

No, some people take some combination of comfort and pleasure from baying for violent retribution. This woman's behaviour was appallingly stupid and had dreadful consequences - but there is no suggestion that she intended any harm to come to the baby. The description of her 'throwing and catching' the baby again sounds like stupidity, not malice (many, many people will bounce a small child in their arms and throw the child up and catch him/her in a spirit of playful exuberance. You can do that with a toddler fairly safely. She appears to have been too ignorant to understand that her baby was far too young for this, rather than hurling him about in a rage or out of sheer cruelty.)

But I very much expect this nasty but unusual case to be used to demonize: single mothers, young mothers, women who enjoy going out at night and, of course, working-class women. Just like other exceptional cases have been.

EmeraldRubyShark · 09/06/2019 21:29

But I very much expect this nasty but unusual case to be used to demonize: single mothers, young mothers, women who enjoy going out at night and, of course, working-class women. Just like other exceptional cases have been.

I’ve seen precisely nobody use this awful case to try and draw conclusions about single mothers, young mums, working class mums or women who like a night out. If you’d read the thread you’d see at least one PP say she’s the first to encourage a new mum to have a night out on her own. The only one taking this horrific murder and considering how you can apply it to the other groups mentioned it you, and I’m not sure what that says about your view of women who meet those criteria, however much you try to portray concern.

Just don’t take your newborn out, throw him around in a completely age inappropriate way, and get so pissed you roll onto him in your stupor, kill him, and can’t even wake up until he’s been taken to hospital. It’s a bloody low bar unless you have some disturbing views about women who are young singer parents.

m4rdybum · 09/06/2019 21:32

But I very much expect this nasty but unusual case to be used to demonize: single mothers, young mothers, women who enjoy going out at night and, of course, working-class women. Just like other exceptional cases have been.

Oh, do piss off.

Nothing wrong with parents having a night out. But funnily enough we dont all take our newborn out with us then get so blind drunk we cant even wake up when we've killed them.

This woman is disgusting because she clearly had no regards for her child's safety and comfort. Not because she fancied a night out.

Iseverynametaken · 10/06/2019 07:09

'Unless she is a sociopath' ahhh can't really think of any other type of personality that would find it appropriate to be blind drunk in a night club with their 4 week old infant. Then to add the 'throwing the baby with her sister' and 'going back to a caravan with two men' into the mix. So fed up with people saying 'but they will have to live with it for the rest of their lives' or 'mental health played a part' . This woman doesn't deserve another day of joy in her life in my opinion. If you dont want a child there are many ways to ensure that childs safety. A tiny completely innocent and defenseless life was taken so rapidly due to her actions. No amount of a 'bleeding heart' story could ever make me feel sympathetic to this woman. No second chances.

Beebeezed · 10/06/2019 08:27

@ReanimatedSGB

Where does it state she was a single mother or working class for that matter? I feel this is your preconception based on what you’ve read rather than facts. Dad isn’t mentioned but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t around.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 10/06/2019 10:02

It wouldn’t matter whether she was married to an aristocratic, her actions were despicable.

ReanimatedSGB · 10/06/2019 12:07

In terms of stupidity-rather-than-malice, here is another upsetting story about a similar set of catastropically stupid choices.
These people didn't want their child to come to any harm, but harm came to the child because of their determination to have their own idiotic way rather than following proper advice.

SouthWestmom · 10/06/2019 12:58

Not really comparable?

Treat earache with homeopathy leading to death

Take baby in car seat to pub, Chuck it around, go to a disco with strange men, take baby to their caravan, get blind drunk, sleep on baby, fail to be woken while baby is taken to hospital.

Dieu · 10/06/2019 15:46

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