To think we should consider a 2 bedroom rather than 3 bedroom?

[username718736]

So briefly-
DP has 2 children from previous marriage. I have 1. I'm due with our first in a few months.
I'd love a 3 bed which would be ideal but our finances are always tight, we'll have a newborn to consider financially as well and ideally want to save for a mortgage.
I feel like we need to open options to a 2 bed as I feel like the only one who requires a bedroom is my 1DC as they live there permanently. His stay 1 night a week, come for tea another night and the newborn won't need its own.
I completely understand it's ideal to have a 3 bed and understand emotionally why it'd be easier for his DC to have a room but if it makes things easier in the long run? AIBU?

Why are you two having more children when you can’t really afford to house the current ones?

And even small children can understand that you are saving money for a bigger house in the future if you explain it in simple terms.

How realistic is buying a house though? I suppose if it doesn't work out you just rent a bigger house.

Also sharing a bedroom with your full siblings you knew since birth is very different to a step sibling or a half you only see once or twice a week.

This. It’s completely different having to share a bedroom with your own brother/sister to being stuck in a cramped room with step siblings. I do think all of the children’s ages and sexes matter too. If his children are over the age of 8 and different sexes to your DC, they definitely shouldn’t have to share.

Much better to buy a 2 bed, make do/share rooms and save to then buy a bigger house in a couple of years than waste money renting if you can

Having thought about it more, 2 bed is fine if parents sleep in the living room, or the second bedroom and accommodate 3 beds and the children are the right sex/age combination. So 3 kids who are under 6 can share a bedroom (assuming that 3 beds if some sort can fit) but combinations like 3 teens or 2 teens and a much younger child wouldn't work well.

In all of the houses that I've lived in, the final bedroom is a box room and it's obviously possible to have 2 equally sized bedrooms or for the kids to get the master bedroom so al 3 can fit. I guess it depends on the price difference between 2 double bedroom and a 3 bedroom (plus the ages of the kids)

I agree with those who say parents move to the living room with the baby, two children in one bedroom, two in the other. All fine at least for a few years. Whilst everyone would love to have a room per child I also think it is very important not to mess up your finances which leads to greater family instability.

It is only one night a week - you'll all cope.

When I was born and up until I was 1, my parents had a 2 bed flat for themselves and 7 kids. 4 boys in the big room, 2 girls in the small room and my parents and me in my pram and then cot in the living room.

I agree with PP that it's being loved and welcomed that is the key while they are still young (are they?). There is no reason that the new baby couldn't stay in their bedroom for a couple of years. DH and I had a 4 bed for us and 2 DC and our babies still stayed in our room until a year old.

Vague op. Not enough information to make a reasoned judgement. Only post under this username. One post and dash.....

Yabu you need more rooms.

This is awful and makes no sense.

Ur baby won’t stay a baby forever.

You’ll have 4 kids at certain times in one bedroom.

You’re having financial problems yet you’ve gotten knocked up and now can’t properly house the children you’ve already had.

This has to be a wind up because I don’t think anyone is this silly

You are crazy.

You need at least a 3 bed

HTH

Dh and I got together 10 years ago, financially we weren't in a great place and my two dc were young. Guess what we did? Worked to be in a better place financially and ploughed all our love and resources into the two dc I already had.
We would have loved a child of our own but it would have affected my dc as we couldn't afford a bigger house when they were younger, so they came first.
I fucking love my dh for how he put my dc before his own needs. Your dhs existing children should be considered and in my opinion be put first!!

wow some replies are harsh

op is renting, not buying so its not forever

if having a 2bed saves 300 a month then over the 2yrs 3600 a year over £7k in 2yrs

to go towards a mortgage

You’ll have 4 kids at certain times in one bedroom

That won't kill them. Plenty of kids share a room 🙄

Sounds like you need a 4 bed to me!

I think it depends on the ages of the kids involved and how well they all get on.

If they’re a similar age and all under say 10 and they get on well, then you could make a two bed work for a year or two, so long as they’re big bedrooms. Bunk bed with a double on the bottom would be fine if there will only be three of them in a room once a week.

It won’t work if they’re teenagers, or they don’t like each other. Then it’ll be a nightmare.

People on here seem to be obsessed with children having their own room in their non resident parents house. Real life I know lots of people who have to squash up to make room on the weekends that they’re there. The kids don’t feel unloved or scarred in anyway, so long as they’re treated equally and shown lots of love and attention, then it matters very little whether they have a designated bedroom or whether they have to share, especially when they’re young.

That won't kill them. Plenty of kids share a room there's a difference between sharing and squeezing two lots of bunk beds plus wardrobes etc into a room that isn't big enough and ends up inadequately ventilated. Most of the damp issues I saw in social housing were because rooms were overfilled with furniture and people. The step kids could easily ramp up Dad sleepovers to several times a week

You do know that you are not obliged to have a child with every man that you hook up with?? Maybe plan ahead a bit more.

YABVU & I agree with every one else who said why on earth bring another child into the mix . Yes of course there are some children that might have thrived with sharing a room with siblings, half siblings and step siblings but there will be plenty more unhappy children who have been unwelcome in their parent’s ‘new home’ and just given a temporary sleeping arrangement. And what about space for homework, hobbies, friends to invite round etc etc they are not just ‘guests who come for tea’ once a week.
I despair of some people’s parenting choices.

Quickly clarifying a few things:

• I'm talking about renting (I thought that was clear when I said we were aiming to get a mortgage but I should've clarified), we'd be aiming to get a mortgage on a 4 bed
• The pregnancy wasn't planned but I was on contraception (not sure why that's relevant though and wasn't inviting people to question our 'bad decisions')
• DC1 was in my room even though he had his own room until he was 18 months and it was never a problem
• Would be hoping to get a mortgage after 18 months maximum otherwise would rent a 3 bed
• All 3 kids are same gender and under 7

itsgoodtobehome OP has two children within presumably two long standing relationships. This is hardly kid no 7 or 5-7 dad's cos the paternity in the middle ones is a bit unclear.

Op what are you in atm or do you not live together?

@itsgoodtobehome do you say that to everyone with children to different fathers? Very pathetic comment!

Just to clarify as well, we aren't poor and struggling to get by, we could afford to rent a 3 bedroom and still - you know - CARE for our children, but that would most likely mean we wouldn't have any room for savings to be able to get a 4 bedroom before the DC are teenagers which is the ideal! It's weighing up what's best in the short run and what's best in the long run, not saying I can't afford children and neglect them!!!

Of course YANBU.

I can't believe people here are saying they should be "housed" as though it was their permanent residence.It's once a week. FFS.

2 bedroom is fine in the short term. Ignore those who think children from the first family are so much more important than children from the second. They aren't, especially when they don't live there. Just plain idiocy from some posters.

I think you really need a 3 bed. 2 adults and 4 children in a 2 bed (and I assume 1 bathroom) is a squeeze and In terms of DP's children sends a message that they aren't a factor in his home.

The idea that they need their own rooms (which will be empty all the time) or you need a 4 bed is ridiculous, but there's a big difference between an office/playroom/guestroom which doubles as a room for DP's children, decorated in their style and sending the message that your child is the only one who needs a meaningful space and everyone else can does down.

Much as people are wrong to criticise your choice to have another child, they're not wrong to point out that actions have consequences and if you're choosing to have another child that means you might have to save for longer on a deposit because the existing children need reasonable accommodation. His kids shouldn't take the hit because you want to buy a house.

It’s only on Mumsnet that there seems to be so many contraceptive failures .