To think we should consider a 2 bedroom rather than 3 bedroom?

[username718736]

So briefly-
DP has 2 children from previous marriage. I have 1. I'm due with our first in a few months.
I'd love a 3 bed which would be ideal but our finances are always tight, we'll have a newborn to consider financially as well and ideally want to save for a mortgage.
I feel like we need to open options to a 2 bed as I feel like the only one who requires a bedroom is my 1DC as they live there permanently. His stay 1 night a week, come for tea another night and the newborn won't need its own.
I completely understand it's ideal to have a 3 bed and understand emotionally why it'd be easier for his DC to have a room but if it makes things easier in the long run? AIBU?

If going for a 3-bed would significantly delay or even prevent you ever buying a home in the near future I would absolutely go for a 2-bed. YANBU at all. You can find a way to make it work.

I think if you can stretch the money right now for a 3 bed, you should. Financially this is going to be the toughest period of all and I think you need to prioritise the kids rather than savings right now.

Get contraception sorted so you don't have another 'happy accident' because please don't tell me you PLANNED to have another baby before sorting out where everyone was going to sleep!

If your child and his children are of compatible ages and genders to do so, and the second bedroom is of a size large enough to house a permanent bed and storage space for each of the three children who will be sharing it, then I think a 2 bed could be acceptable until the child you are expecting needs its own space outside of your room.

What you must be very careful not to do, though is think of the 2nd bedroom as "your child's room" which the stepchildren can stay in. It must be equally be all of their room with them all feeling comfortable and at home in there.

The other option with a 2 bed might be you and DH downstairs on a sofabed. DS and baby share one room, and the other room for the stepchildren?

What - only your child requires a bedroom YABU OP.

Why do people do this? Get with someone when they both already have responsibility to existing children and then procreate again when their finances are already stretched? How selfish. You need a 3-bed. Making things miserable for the 2 children he already brought into the world because he fancies sprogging again is irresponsible.

Unless you are extremely minimalist, any two bed would have massive rooms including a separate dining area you can convert to a bedroom I would say this is a totally ridiculous idea. You will only accumulate more stuff once the baby is here.

I don’t think your step children need their own rooms but it’s unfair in the extreme to not have any room for them.

I think you need a 3 bed at the very least. Your baby will need a room in 6 months or so and even if it shares with your own dc, where will your dhs children sleep? I think its a shame you didnt think about this soober if money is that right. Your dh has a responsibility to all his kids, not just yours or the one he has with you.

Depends how long you are staying there - if it’s renting you might only be there 12 months, in which case it’s fine as long as all kids have a bed (agree triple sleeper bunk would work in a push, with a cot in your room).

If you are likely to stay much longer than a year, you need a three bed.

Sorry but I don't think 6 people in a two bedroomed property is do-able. Besides the bedroom issue it will probably only have one bathroom/toilet, and I think with 6 of you more than one loo will be necessary.

You would struggle in a 2 bed with 4 children. I lived in a 2 bed with 2 children and there wasn't enough space. Remember with a 2 bed everything is smaller - living space, kitchen, dining area, bathrooms. There just won't be room for a family of 6.

I think space is not just practical but also emotional. You are sending a clear signal to his kids.

Imagine you and your partner split up. I can't imagine you would be particularly thrilled if your child was sent to sleep on blow-up mattresses in the living room of DP's house while DP's new partner's kids had a room.

While I enjoy some fun formatting, I have to say that your use of italics around our child really threw up my hackles (and I don't have any step kids).

How long term is this going to be? And how much longer will it make it if you get a three bed? If it's for just a year and you'll be able to save enough for a mortgage, that will allow them a room, fair enough. As long as you make sure it's working for everyone reguarly and address it with them every now and then. If it's going to be five years, then no it's really not fair.

YABVU.

I have had to stop overnight visits to exH because he still lives in a cramped two bedroom house with his GF and her two DC. When our three DC visited there was five children in a tiny bedroom, my DD’s had to sleep on a mattress on the floor and DS had to top and tail with her DS in a single bed (my DS is 9 and very tall and hers is almost 11). ExH now only sees the DC for around 6 hours a week as a result, completely fucked his relationship with them because they won’t or apparently can’t move house.

You can’t only consider your own children, you have step children too. You will need a third bedroom for your baby eventually anyway...

For pay for stamp duty, solicitor fees etc when you're gonna need to move again

Even a 3 bed with all those kids is small!

You partners kids need a room qt their dads house

Oh dear. What horrible responses to the OP.
OP maybe you could buy somewhere and use some of the space creatively. Also you could buy somewhere with the potential to extend it?

How old are the other three children? Are you at risk of being overcrowded by law in a 2-bed? I'd have thought a number of landlords would be concerned about the wear and tear of that number in a small property.

My kids don’t stay at their dads as he lives in a 1 bed (one room).

I think if you can afford it then you need to try and get a 3 bed, even with your dc and a baby a 2 bed will be cramped, you need space for your dp’s children to stay, you also need to consider what would happen if they had to come and live with you (if something happened to their mother)? If you can’t afford it then don’t you think this should have been considered before getting pregnant with another child?

If it's just a temporary measure then fine but why do you need 4 kids if money is so tight. A bit late now to say that I realise but even so. You need 3 bedrooms, you canno/t/ e/x//p/ect your DC's room to be taken over by two other children /all the time.
I remember the resentment I felt as a child when i had to sleep in a corridor because there weren't enough bedrooms for us all. It felt like permanent camping and I never had any private space for myself.

How old are the kids and how long do you plan to stay at the hypothetical house? Are all of the kids the same sex?

I think it depends on the house really. Our two bed is a new build and oddly it's bigger in sq ft than some of the three bed houses on here - our second bedroom could be split in half to create two rooms. Yet we paid less because it's a two bed.

However, if it's a small two bed then I don't see how it could work. Whilst children don't need their own rooms, I would imagine your DP's children would feel pushed out if they don't even have a room to share?

I think long term 2 bedroom would be too small, ok for holidays or temp accommodation but not as a permanent home.
Ive got 3 dc and our 3 bed is starting to feel small as they all get bigger

You really think it’s acceptable to not provide adequate beds for your partners children??!!!

Go give your head a wobble.

No his DC DO NOT NEED A ROOM. His DC need a strong stable home in which to see their dad and to develop a bond with step/half siblings . Stable includes financially stable ! Nothing rips apart a relationship faster than money worries.

My DH has 4 , I have 3. We did a decade in a 3 bed house 2 doubles and a box room. What mattered was the fact that they are loved and welcome , not how much sq footage each occupies.

Now we can afford it there is a bedroom for all those who need one. Couldn't of been too bad or 2 SDC would not have decided to come and live with us at 12 & 14. (We then converted a dining room for them )

Don't listen to politically correct bollox. No one will need therapy because they didn't get their own room in a house they visit once a week.

You will regret the decision if in a few years time you are all feeling on top of each other and cannot get a mortgage for a bigger house.
2 beds is not enough. You really need 3 or your life will be hell at least one night every week!