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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

999 replies

NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 12:55

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 06/06/2019 21:07

Dorsetdays

The OP has no other concerns. That doesn’t mean there are no other concerns.

Dorsetdays · 06/06/2019 21:10

Hercule. You seem oddly obsessed with reporting to SS with little solid evidence...the OP themself clarified they have no real concerns and is, in their own words, an anxious parent which may have impacted on how they reacted.

Is there something else at play here that makes you this interested in other people’s lives? 🤔

herculepoirot2 · 06/06/2019 21:12

Dorsetdays

Like what?

Dorsetdays · 06/06/2019 21:13

No idea but there must be some reason why you’re so desperate for the OP to report this to SS.

herculepoirot2 · 06/06/2019 21:15

Dorsetdays

What, other than being worried that a 4 month old baby might be at risk?

Dorsetdays · 06/06/2019 21:22

Yes because the OP has clarified that they don’t have any overriding concerns, the DC are well cared for and loved and it was clearly a first which was perhaps borne out of need (the Mum was clearly justifying her decision which demonstrates it wasn’t something she did regularly etc) yet you’re insistent that SS must be involved.

I expect they have much greater issues to try and deal with.

mybigsis · 06/06/2019 21:23

*My second concern is that she might get too confident, and it might escalate to leaving the baby for longer, increasing the chances of something happening.

FFS, listen to yourself! Patronising*

^ this!!

Ffs listen to yourself, you're not really believing this you're just trying to tell us what a better mother you are.

herculepoirot2 · 06/06/2019 21:24

Dorsetdays

I don’t think she has “clarified” those things. She barely knows her. My concern about the baby being left alone would not be alleviated by the fact that the mother (or father) feeds, washes, loves the others. I don’t think it’s acceptable and it gives me concern.

Dorsetdays · 06/06/2019 21:26

Report away then...I don’t think you’ll get very far apart from wasting time and resources that could well be spent on something that actually is of concern 🙄

herculepoirot2 · 06/06/2019 21:28

Dorsetdays

I am not trying to “get” anywhere. If a child is at risk, reporting might help. If not, the report wouldn’t lead to any action.

MorondelaFrontera · 06/06/2019 21:34

Jesus Christ, Imagine having herculepoirot2 as a neighbour!

I think you are taking your username a bit too seriously, and mistakenly believe you can make judgement about people based on next to nothing.

Manumanadoodoodadoo · 06/06/2019 21:34

What is the matter with some people? Earlier there was a thread where someone was asking if ok to leave 2 very young dcs alone in a hotel riom whilst she popped down for a meal but using a monitor now this! Ffs if you don't want to be a parent then don't have dcs. It's either laziness or selfishness. They're not little for long as it is. I'd probably report to Social Services. Better safe than sorry. She doesn't have to know it's you. Not the school that might come back to bite you and they won't do anything anyway. They are only concerned with their own pupils.

MorondelaFrontera · 06/06/2019 21:36

Ffs if you don't want to be a parent then don't have dcs. It's either laziness or selfishness.

Seriously? Confused

some posters are bonkers.

Dorsetdays · 06/06/2019 21:39

I think out of you and the OP, I would trust their knowledge of the situation slightly more than yours....a total stranger on an online forum.

The OP has clarified they have no overriding concerns. They have clarified they are/were an anxious parent which may affect how they perceive something. They chose not to report or follow up.

But still you’re insistent that SS should be involved and that you have ‘concerns’.

Ok.

Drogosnextwife · 06/06/2019 23:20

I find it hilarious when so many people come in to a thread and say, it's fine, the baby was fine, what could possibly happen? It's a parenting choice 😂 cracks me up.

as I know at least one Paediatrician and one police officer who do very similar, I am pretty sure your opinion is not as unanimous as you think it is.

Lies

42isthemeaning · 06/06/2019 23:26

The school would tell you to report this directly to social services as it's hearsay.

Duckyneedsaclean · 06/06/2019 23:32

A 1 minute walk? There's really no problem is there. Take you longer to have a poo.

People are so irrational. What about going in your garden for 10 mins without a monitor during naptime? Just as bad, surely? Report half the bloody country to ss!

MorondelaFrontera · 06/06/2019 23:37

Drogosnextwife

meanwhile, in the real world, normal people can picture a mother living around the school (not a 15mn drive from it obviously) that she can see from her windows, stepping out of her house whilst her baby is asleep inside to collect her kid and walk back home. Others might thing they wouldn't do it, most wouldn't even think twice.

Only on MN do people need to make a huge drama out of it. I suppose that's the point of the forum, but still.

herculepoirot2 · 07/06/2019 06:59

I think you are taking your username a bit too seriously, and mistakenly believe you can make judgement about people based on next to nothing.

The only judgement I have made is that I think it is a concern. That’s it.

herculepoirot2 · 07/06/2019 07:06

A 1 minute walk? There's really no problem is there. Take you longer to have a poo.

It’s a 1-2 minute walk, and when she gets there she has to collect a child who may or may not be ready. There will be a wait of at least a couple of minutes. Plus dawdling. Plus anything unexpected like the child needing to go back in for something he forgot or the teacher wanting a chat etc. The OP guessed it would take ten minutes, not one.

Bluerussian · 07/06/2019 07:10

Don't eavesdrop on other people's conversations, apart from it being rude you overhear all sorts of snippets.

ninja · 07/06/2019 07:18

I have to say I'm bemused by the mum could get run over/be in an accident comments - surely in that case the baby would be better not being in the accident!

herculepoirot2 · 07/06/2019 07:23

ninja

The point isn’t whether the baby would be safer or not if present. It’s what would happen if the mother was run over without the baby. Nobody would know there was a four month old child alone in a house until they contacted the father and he went to the hospital and didn’t see the baby with police or relatives. That could be hours.

Yes, if the mum had the baby with her there is also a chance the baby could be run over, but that risk is lessened by the fact of being a caring mother pushing her baby in a buggy. You tend to look both ways.

Dorsetdays · 07/06/2019 07:36

Don’t know about you but I tend to look both ways when I cross the road whether I’m pushing a pram or not. Being a grown up and all that...

herculepoirot2 · 07/06/2019 07:39

Dorsetdays

You’re missing the point again. Who is more likely to be run over: the rushed person who left their 4 month old child at home, or someone who doesn’t need to rush because they have their baby with them?

I agree being run over is unlikely either way, but a person who lacks caution and takes these sort of risks is more likely to be run over than I am.