AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

“The only judgement I have made is that I think it is a concern. That’s it”

Really? Wasn’t it you said something about the sort of person who would leave a baby for 10 minutes was probably not properly bonded and was likely to leave it alone to go to the pub?

Besides, being run over is a red herring. You are far more likely to forget your keys, be taken ill, be accosted by the teacher because your child got in a fight, have to take your child to urgent care because he tripped and smacked himself etc. Fires and car accidents are just the way people make a negative outcome sound really unlikely: “Oh it’s fine - how likely is a fire FGS?” Very unlikely. The other things happen every day.

hercule ha ha- really? Not only are you a better mother now, you are also better at crossing roads? Get real!

Fresta

I am a better mother than someone who leaves her baby in the house to do the school run. It’s a low bar so I am not boasting. And I am a careful person whereas she obviously isn’t, so I suppose yes, I probably am better at crossing roads.

You're so funny!

It is not great, it takes one minute to put them in the pram.
Is it a one off?
My neighbour leaves hers in the garden, front door shut in a pram screaming for hours at a time, she done it with all of her 5 of hers, she is neglectful though, as soon as they walk their out to street roam.

Fresta

Glad I am livening up your Friday.

herculepoirot I would absolutely report too, you are not alone and its not place to stand in judgement, but if something doesn't sit right I escalate it further for follow up. It ss think it doesn't warrant further attention, they will simply close the file but they are the professionals.

BertrandRussell

Not likely, no. I said that would be part of my concern. I don’t know that this is the first time she has done it. I don’t know that she is otherwise an excellent mum. All I know is that she thinks this is fine, and it isn’t, so yes, if I took this call at SS I would want to make sure there was no reason for concern. I don’t see the problem with that. That’s their job.

Personally I never could have but I am a huge worrier. But rationally, how likely is it that the baby would come to significant harm? You could leave your baby in a pram in the garden, pop inside to put a load of laundry on, and someone pop over the fence, break into the back garden, or a fox enter. Or a cat climb into the pram. I think that it was a bit dodgy, but not necessarily neglectful. I don't think that it warrants intervention.

Who’s more likely to be rushing? Maybe the parent who’s late for school pick up because they've been trying to deal with a 4 month old baby 🤔.

Dorsetdays

Or you could leave on time. It’s not that hard.

The hysteria on here is ridiculous, do you stay awake all night in case your baby needs you in the night and doesn’t wake you up .
I would leave my DS sleeping in the house while I was in the garden (never used a monitor) and I did pop to a neighbour or to the post box.

And good luck trying to ‘report’ someone for this, I had a serious safe guarding concern regarding a young girl allegedly living with an alcoholic male (a very distant relative of the girl) and trying to report it to SS was a nightmare, no one was interested.

But rationally, how likely is it that the baby would come to significant harm?

Unlikely in any single instance. But if we all did this every day, somewhere or other, a baby would come to harm. It’s the lowest expectation of parenting that you don’t leave your baby alone in the house and go out. This thread is insane.

Hercule. No ones saying it’s ok to do this everyday though. You’re exaggerating.

And sometimes it actually IS that hard to leave on time when you have a four month old who perhaps isn’t sleeping etc. How patronising can you be?

Dorsetdays

If someone thinks this is acceptable once they will think it is acceptable twice. It’s a line you cross or don’t. I wouldn’t. It isn’t that hard to get a 4 month old out of the house. It can be hard - I am not saying otherwise. But it’s not so hard that the better option is to neglect them. If you find yourself struggling with parenting to the extent that you feel you have to leave your child alone, you need SS involved.

Hercule. You come across as one of those curtain twitching, local newspaper letter writing busybodies with not much else to do but poke their nose in other people’s business and judge them.

But keep telling yourself you’re a better parent than everyone else 🙄

And when a child who actually is desperately in need gets overlooked because SS are overrun following up silly reports of one off situations like this (where you don’t even have all the facts) keep telling yourself you were doing your civic duty.

Dorsetdays

Generally - and really - I am not. I am a live and let live kind of person. I think it is a duty to report a concern of this nature to SS, because I don’t want to be the person who said “None of my business” and let a child come to harm. If that annoys you, that’s your business.

where you don’t even have all the facts

We rarely have all the facts. This is probably what people said about Baby P, Victoria Climbie, Shannon Matthews etc. People will have seen something that ought^ to have raised alarm bells, but ignored it because they didn’t have all the facts. It is very unlikely that this baby is being seriously neglected, but leaving it alone like this is a clear red flag and definitely should be reported so the situation can be checked out.

Has this thread seriously got to a point where someone is claiming that being hit by a car is probably a sign of being a bad and disorganised mother?!

NewAccount270219

No, because that is not what I said.

But the OP has clarified they don’t have any particular concerns. That the DC are well cared for, loved etc.

The mum in this situation was clearly not blasé about her decision and must take the baby with her normally because it was noticed on this one occasion when she didn’t.

Do you genuinely not see how that is different to a real concern of neglect or abuse. If not, that’s quite worrying.

In reality her baby is quite safe, no more at risk than it would be leaving the house with mum, and only a minuscule more at risk than if mum was still at home with her, so I can't see how it could ever be classed as neglectful, it's just not how most people parent.

However, the thought of leaving my baby home alone for 10 minutes would have filled me with horror, and I think this is a fairly 'normal' response, so my concern would be for the mum and how she was coping with change to having 2 kids, and if she had any pnd which was effecting her bounding with her child and if she needed more support.

*But the OP has clarified they don’t have any particular concerns. That the DC are well cared for, loved etc.

The mum in this situation was clearly not blasé about her decision and must take the baby with her normally because it was noticed on this one occasion when she didn’t.*

As far as she knows. But she barely knows her. And obviously if challenged, the person who knows they really shouldn’t have left their child alone is going to act like this is the first time they have done it. It might be the first time time. Or it might be the second and the other mother just didn’t say anything last time. Or it might be the first time she has left her to do the school run, but the third time she has left her overall. We have no idea. But it alarms me that anyone would do this and I would want to make sure the child was being cared for appropriately. I think any responsible person would agree. It worries me that you don’t.

Cyw. Exactly, and the OP cane to that conclusion too and thought they could offer to do the school run occasionally as they pass the house.

You wouldn’t rush off and report it to SS for neglect though.