AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

Also, whether “helicopter parenting” causes anxiety or not couldn’t be less relevant, because refraining from leaving your baby at home while you go out isn’t helicopter parenting.

Well... it absolutely IS a grey area. Which is why it's not illegal. Because it's about assessment of risk. The risks are different in every single case.
And if someone had time to notice, ring the police, and have the police get there to break down the door. That may be in fact merited...
But that's highly unlikely if the school was across the road and the mum was only gone for ten mins isnt it?

@greenrockstar

I have three very young children
I let them play freely, there is plenty of rough and tumble, scraped knees, fresh air and opportunities to develop their independence appropriately. I have left them with other competent adults, have trusted nurseries and now the eldest is at school. I’ve left them overnight all of them when young babies.
They are really happy, carefree and spirited Little characters.

But I never have and never will leave any of them totally alone in the house and go off somewhere else.

I don’t fit your paradigm.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/561752/

@herculepoirot2 it's worth you reading this article and taking it on board.

BattenburgIsland

It isn’t grey. Leaving a baby alone places them at risk. Placing them at risk (avoidably) of something happening to them because you were not there is illegal. Not grey.

greenrockstar

I love how you think I’m going to take parenting advice from you. I’d rather ask my dog.

I even mentioned that I'd had to leave my daughter while I took my son to school once, to my health visitor and she agreed I'd made the right call!
It's about assessment of the risks. If you genuinely feel your child would be at more risk coming with you then why take them?
I can see why a parent might not want to take thier baby needlessly across a busy road when it could be safe in its cot. When they are only going to be gone a matter of minutes.

Dorsetdays

But the police would respond. Their resourcing and time of response isn’t justifying your neglectful behaviour.

If you genuinely feel your child would be at more risk coming with you then why take them?

Because you are there to parent them. If something happens, you did your best to protect them. If something happens to them when they are alone, it happens because you neglected them.

@Ginlinessisnexttogodliness I get that, fair enough, I've never left mine other than to be out of earshot in the garden and checking every 15 mins.

BUT

I realise that by doing that I've put my children in as much or if not more danger than the mum that went 10 mins away, she trumped me by five mins.

That's what I'm objecting to, over zealous helicopter parents thinking they're better, being on social media far too many hours of the day when they could be interacting and socialising and they're not.

Lots of poor parenting and leaving your child for 10 mins because you've risk assessed is probably not the worst of the worst.

@herculepoirot2 you have a dog as well, did you walk him in between your 100 MN posts today?

That's what I'm objecting to, over zealous helicopter parents thinking they're better, being on social media far too many hours of the day when they could be interacting and socialising and they're not.

😂😂😂

Beggars belief.

Its definitely a grey area as I keep saying otherwise it would be illegal. It would be categorically illegal. But it's not.
You just have to use your common sense and be able to back up the reasoning for it.

greenrockstar

No, I let him go out on his own. He’s fine, though. It was a judgment call.

BattenburgIsland

Nope. You have to show that you did not put your child at risk because you neglected them. The police and SS and a judge may or may not agree with your reasoning. It doesn’t matter that you agree with it. Obviously people who neglect their children very often think they are in the right.

Again @herculepoirot2 I'd rather an engaged parent that risk assess 10 minutes of the day, than one who spends hours inanely mums netting!

I think I may highlight this post to the DM saying one mum risk assess 10 minutes and then fully engages with the DC. The other spends 3hours of the child's waking day on social media.ffrom morning to night ... I reckon that should get a good discussion going.

Disclaimer don't read the DM

Well yes. They might not. But they also might. And I'm actually complete sure they would have agreed with mine. Obviously I am or I would not have done it.
We are all trying to do the best we can and I think theres a very big difference between neglect and someone who's just trying to make the safest decision for their child.
I felt I had to do that because my daughter wouldve been in danger coming with me. So I do have sympathy for people who asses the situation and think it would be safer to leave baby at home. There are circumstances in which that is actually true.

Anyhoo, once again the thread is going in circles. There is no resolution to the fact that some people think this is okay and some people are decent parents.

Hercule, I think most cases of actual neglect is by selfish parents who are literally putting no thought at all into the needs of their children. I would lay down my life for my 3 and I am not sure how or why you are unable to see that people might parent differently to you and still parent well.

greenrockstar

Oh please do! The DM will run a wonderful story about neglectful mothers leaving their babies in the house and going on the school run.

Does that mean you’re leaving the thread for the sixth, or is it seventh time then?

🙄

vdbfamily

I am sure you would. That’s nothing to do with this. This isn’t a “parenting style” thing. It is neglectful.

Anyhoo, once again the thread is going in circles. There is no resolution to the fact that some people think this is okay and some people are decent parents.

You do not fall into decent parent, my DCs were supervised enough to never waste so much of their day on social media. It's not good, it's hiding behind a screen, being a key board warrior and not meeting your child's needs.

But you convince yourself you're better over 10 mins of the day....

greenrockstar

I will. Thanks.

It's not ALWAYS okay... but sometimes it can genuinely be safer... can you really not see that?