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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

999 replies

NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 12:55

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 20:53

greenrockstar

You literally just made that up, didn’t you?

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 20:54

vdbfamily

Maybe you would find a judge who agrees with you, maybe not. Personally, in the judge’s seat, I would find your arrogance disturbing.

BattenburgIsland · 10/06/2019 20:58

I've had to do that. When I weighed it up it was less risky to leave her asleep in her cot for ten mins than it was to take her out because it was midwinter and I was alone. We live halfway up a hill and not on an actual street so to get to the street (which the school is on and you can see the entrance from the top floor window of my house) you have to go up or down 120 stone steps which were built in the 1800s. Which were at the time covered in ice. I usually carry her in the baby carrier and hold my sons hand when we go up the steps to school... but it was so icey I thought shes in more danger being taken up these steps than she is asleep in her cot. Because if I slipped she wouldve been seriously injured.

I'm sure there are circumstances for parents who live literally opposite schools where it is actually safer to leave their baby in its cot on the school run. Rather than struggle across a road with two or three children.

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 21:01

@herculepoirot2 made what up? The anxious adults that exist, people who don't want to answer the door, the phone ... seen them all here on MN.

Parents that don't take their children out, but watch over them ever second, don't let them climb, don't let them explore. Because nothing's safe and I can't let them be more than a few seconds away from me. The ones that teach them fear and not confidence.

MH issues due to that type of parenting is a far greater risk than a baby being left in a cot for 10 minutes.

Were the McCanns prosecuted, what did the judge decide?

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 21:01

It is not okay to leave helpless babies at home alone, where you have no control over what happens to them.

Stop deluding yourself.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 21:01

greenrockstar

The odds.

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 21:03

@herculepoirot2 atop deluding yourself that you're a better parent, someone that on average from 9am to 11an poster every bloody 5 minutes on this forum alone, let alone what other forums you're on.

You to me are bloody shocking and yes I can only see a small window of your life but it's not good.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 21:05

You know nothing about me, green. You are lashing out because you are in the wrong. It’s like when you catch a child out and they get angry.

BattenburgIsland · 10/06/2019 21:08

The thing is that this is not specifically illegal because the law understands that there ARE circumstances in which a child may need to be left alone in a house at any age for a few mins. It's taken on a case by case basis and there needs to be evidence of neglect, or that the child was in danger etc... obviously this is not something to rely on. If someone is continually leaving a child alone in the house rather than arranging childcare that is clearly neglect.... but there are sometimes situations as a one off where children genuinely ARE safer being left in the house for a few mins... that's why the law doesnt specify an exact age ot say 'it is ILLEGAL to leave a child alone in a house' because there is understanding that there may be situations in which parents have to or judge it to be less of a risk than bringing them out. And those parents shouldnt be criminalised because it's a pointless waste of time.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 21:10

BattenburgIsland

The law doesn’t specify because yes, of course there are circumstances when you might have to do it. Like seeking medical assistance, or helping someone in an emergency. This isn’t one of those circumstances.

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 21:10

@herculepoirot2 you know nothing about me, but you've accused me trying n sick puppeting, thick, leaving my child blah blah.

But hey that's ok....

You e constantly alluded to you being A better mother you're not necessarily...

Anyway I'm off again now for a while, carry on banging on and arguing with other posters for the next hour.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 21:12

greenrockstar

Okay.

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 21:12

Oh and @herculepoirot2 what did the judge say to the McCanns you're so sure a judge would be involved but not answered that.

I'm sure I won't be answered again!

MrMakersFartyParty · 10/06/2019 21:13

Greenrockstar just ignoring that we are asking where you got your 10000 to 1 odds from. And where is your evidence that helicopter parenting causes mental health issues? You got an RCT to back that up?

BattenburgIsland · 10/06/2019 21:15

But there isnt enough detail in the OP to tell whether it was circumstance in which the child was safer being at home?
As I previously said, I have had to do this and I genuinely feel I made the right decision as my daughter was safer at home.
All the OP has heard is a snippet of a conversation.
And it's a grey area. Theres no clear right or wrong... rather it's about weighing up risks. Which you do all the time as a parent and which the law backs up because each case would be looked at individually.
I seriously doubt that social services would be remotely interested in thus by itself unless there were other things going on or it was a regular occurrence.

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 21:16

@MrMakersFartyParty are you and @herculepoirot2 the sane poster?

Don't know what RCT is, enlighten me but I may not be back until morning as I have stuff to do.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 21:17

@MrMakersFartyParty are you and @herculepoirot2 the sane poster?

😂😂😂

vdbfamily · 10/06/2019 21:19

Mr Maker, if you take the time to Google Helicopter parenting you will find many studies linked to increased anxiety etc

MrMakersFartyParty · 10/06/2019 21:20

Hahaha yes don't worry we are the sane ones!

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 21:20

@BattenburgIsland exactly it's circumstances and decisions at that time, it's not a blanket decision that's right for every situation!

The POs alluding to you'd be prosecuted the juste would decide, you're bad, you're dreadful parents are being high drama.

The McCanns took the decision to enable them to socialise, they weren't prosecuted. I doubt a parent making a one off decision to collect a sibling would be prosecuted in the unlikely event something went wrong.

Dorsetdays · 10/06/2019 21:22

Green. Crikey I hope not. Bearing in mind that hercule has been actively posting on nearly 90 threads in the last week or so alone not sure where they’d find the time 😂

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 21:23

BattenburgIsland

It really isn’t a grey area. The baby is 4 months old. Police would go to your house and break the door down if they were told during the time in which the child was actually alone.

As I said, deluded.

Dorsetdays · 10/06/2019 21:25

Bearing in mind the baby was only left for a total of 5-10 mins max the police where you live certainly respond faster than they do round here if they could get there before the mum was home.