AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

BTW mine is 8 including this one....

I haven't read all 25 pages on here, just the first 2, so forgive me if I am repeating....

Why would you report someone that you do not know based on a conversation that you were not part of? I genuinely don't understand.

At most, you should go up to the lady concerned and have a quiet word about the risks. Let her know that she could be reported if this were to happen again.

To report a family opens up a can of worms. Why would you do that to someone because they left their baby for 10 mins? There is concern, and there is just plain judgement.

You didn't even hear the full conversation. This may have been the first and last time she had done this and then you go and put her family through the trauma of an investigation and months of stress.

Wow.

This is fucking priceless. 😂

I am being lectured about parenting by people who freely admit leaving their babies in the house and going out.

Dear god.

@herculepoirot2 don't make up lies, where have I said I left my child, go on show me!

It could take a while because I never ducking said it.

My objection is that people are taking one potentially isolated incident and blowing it up.

You are not a better parent than me...

Fucking not ducking!

Oh right, I see. You wouldn’t do that. Loving the outrage at the suggestion, though. Good look, that is.

I have done something like this - and I am an awesome mum with an awesome kid.

mandes1

Please do go and read the pages. I have ( exhaustively - clearly!) explained why I think what I think.

@herculepoirot2 I'm pointing out the inaccuracies in your statements, you don't seem to recognise your own failings. You say I'm equally over invested wrong and proven, you say I'd said I'd happily leave my child home alone - wrong and proven.

Given the amount of time you've been on this thread you'd think you'd have it right.

I'm off now for a while, I'm sure you can find something else to do.

greenrockstar

Sure thing, green.

Hercule. How many times are you going to state you’re leaving this thread in a huff...only to come hurrying straight back?

I’ve counted three times so far....🙄

You keep saying you’ve explained yourself but you really haven’t. Why is it ok to leave a baby alone for 5-10 minutes when you’re in the shower or hanging out the washing but not if it’s because you’re out the front of your house? It doesn’t matter what the reason is, the outcome is the same - the baby is alone for that period of time. The risk is the same.

Not everyone has monitors. We didn’t because we live in an old house with very thick walls and they just didn’t work. Am I supposed to sit watching my baby whilst they sleep? Likewise, those same thick walls would prevent me hearing my baby if I was in the shower etc so do I just never have a shower until they’re 12?

It just doesn’t make sense. Which is what fiddlesticks was referring to earlier, your view is yours but it’s not actually based on fact. Doesn’t make it wrong but it also doesn’t mean the mum in this situation needs immediately reporting to SS.

And, on that, I also call BS. No way are you actually reporting these things to SS because judging by your comments you’d be on the phone to them all day.

Wouldn’t it be better to be a supportive fellow parent and if something minor like this cropped up, speak to the person involved and establish the actual facts first.

@mandes1. You did the right thing not bothering to RTFT because your post entirely summed up what we’ve been saying for the last god knows how many pages. 😂🤦‍♀️

@dorset “leaving four months old baby in the house while you are outside the front of your house” to quote you isn’t QUITE the same thing as leaving your house and taking a ten minute walk while said baby is in the otherwise empty house is it?

Would you have an issue with that? Or is that no big deal either?

Erm...no...not ok. Anything can happen in a minute, nevermind 10!

Don't call the school though, that's a job for social services.

And, on that, I also call BS. No way are you actually reporting these things to SS because judging by your comments you’d be on the phone to them all day.

These things? What things? I have never met anybody - as I have said - who has told me they have left their 4 month old baby alone and gone out.

With regards to the rest of your post, I am beginning to think some people cannot read. I say “X isn’t okay” and I get back “But WHY is Y okay?” It’s demented. X and Y aren’t the fucking same. That’s why.

If I am in the shower I am 10 seconds’ distance from my child in the event of an emergency. If I am on the school run I am up to however many minutes away.

Seconds.

Minutes.

The difference between a live child and dead one.

That’s why.

I think in itself, leaving a baby alone at home while you do the school run, and being gone no more than 10 minutes, isn't worthy of reporting somebody. It's reckless and stupid and I'd never do it but it's just poor judgement that would hopefully not result in a baby coming to any harm.

However, a parent making a judgement like this could possibly be struggling, depressed, incredibly sleep deprived and not thinking straight, and if they were reported it might be the nudge they need to get some help or be automatically given support.

I think in itself, leaving a baby alone at home while you do the school run, and being gone no more than 10 minutes, isn't worthy of reporting somebody. It's reckless and stupid and I'd never do it but it's just poor judgement that would hopefully not result in a baby coming to any harm.

Reckless and stupid behaviour with a 4 month old child is neglect.

Hercule

It seems you are banging your head against a brick wall with these people.

It isn't the right thing to do to leave a child or baby home alone, there doesn't need to be specific reasons why, or in depth explanations as to why X is no different to Y. It just isn't the done thing to leave babies home alone. Totally alone with no adult responsible for them.

I suspect some people are on the wind up to keep coming back with the same crap.

Imagine if a childminder or a nanny fucked of to something and left a baby in the house alone? They would be lynched.

The mum in this situation wasn’t taking a 10 minute walk though. That’s kind of the point, she was 1-2 mins outside the house.

I understand that in total that means she was potentially away from her baby for up to 5-10 mins.

My question remains. How is that different to being away from your baby for 5-10 mins whilst you’re in the garden and can’t hear them, or in the shower for 5-10 mins and can’t hear them?

In all of those situations you can’t hear your baby for those few minutes and your baby is alone.

Same outcome, same risk. But one is deemed ok and the other isn’t. That’s why many people on here are saying that the response isn’t entirely rational.

Reckless and stupid behaviour with a 4 month old child is neglect.

I agree.

But it seems convenience and laziness trumps what is best for the baby

Dorsetdays

Being 1-2 minutes away from your baby in an emergency is bad enough, but actually, no, she was 10 minutes away because she HAD to complete the school pickup and she had no way to know if anything happened at home. The first she would have known of a house fire would have been getting home to find the house up in flames. The first she would have known of a burglary would have been the open door.

You are justifying the unjustifiable.

I suspect some people are on the wind up to keep coming back with the same crap.

I know. I must be great fun to wind up because nobody could be honestly this thick.

*Dorset
*
It seems it has been done to death.

One scenario means a parent is at home or just outside of the door/garden and therefore responsible for the child and able to get to them quickly if needed.

The other scenario, a parent is not at home and not close enough to tend to a baby if they need someone. They have completely left the address and left a baby alone.

It really doesn't matter about showers or going for a shit or hanging some washing out or emptying the bin. Nobody is suggesting that the baby should tag along for all of these things. But you are still pottering around while the baby is in the next room or just downstairs or on the other side of the door.

Sometimes a baby might cry for a minute or so, you might not immediately hear because of the hoover or being in the garden, if happens and it won't harm your baby to cry for a little bit, but you are still present at the same address and are damn sight more likely to realise you are needed sooner than if you have fucked off to school.

But it seems convenience and laziness trumps what is best for the baby

I think the leave-the-baby-at-home case is partly that it's better for the baby to be left asleep at home, rather than woken up and taken on the school run. It may be at greater risk of death and destruction taken across busy roads, and near badly-driving parents who can't reverse their cars than it would be dreaming sweetly in its cot.

I know. I must be great fun to wind up because nobody could be honestly this thick.

You'd hope not!