AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

herculepoirot2
and reporting me because I am 1 or 2 minutes away across the road or at the bottom of my garden, or even in the shower... is ridiculous.
I won't be the only one telling you that you are a nutcase. I would also advise you to go to your GP and discuss this obsession to have your child in sight for every second of the day (but not the night interestingly enough), because it's not healthy.

As I bet you haven't reported half the mothers with young babies who are normal, and leave their baby sleep in peace whilst getting on with things, I am also calling massive bullshit and that you are acting very differently in real life. or you would be in trouble with social services, the school and the police for wasting their time, that is a thing too

Minutes

I just wanted to say that again. Not a few seconds at the bottom of the garden. Not a poo away. Not in the shower. Physically minutes from your helpless baby. It is a fucking disgrace that some of you have spent several days defending that.

I would also advise you to go to your GP and discuss this obsession to have your child in sight for every second of the day (but not the night interestingly enough), because it's not healthy.

Let’s see...

Hercule: Doctor, I am very worried about my mental state.

GP: Why is that?

Hercule: I just can’t bring myself to leave the baby at home alone and just go out. You know, to the shop or the school.

GP: Right. And what seems to be the problem?

See the usual garbage is being trotted out here. Being a responsible parent means you are hyper vigilant and riddled with anxiety does it? ODFOD

You can go about your day to day business as a parent but still be to hand immediately / almost immediately for your children. Just not down the road. You can hang washing out, go the loo, wash up, answer the door but be able to react and respond. You just aren’t a complete twat and actually walk off your land down the street/ drive the car and fucking leave them.

If this woman really has left the house, locked the door, gone out of earshot and very quickly sight of a four month old as she trots round to collect another child from school then she is playing with fire.

@morondela
@greenrockstar

Of course you still do stuff. The difference is that if I was hanging my washing out in my football field back garden or vacuuming with my super loud jet engine vacuum cleaner and my four month old got into distress and I didn’t get to her immediately - and let’s say if I’d fucked off to the coop having left her utterly alone with no adult even in the house to buy that critical loaf of bread that only takes a tick and is guaranteed nothing will happen during that time - is that the former wouldn’t get me into serious bother with children’s services.

Probably will never happen you say.
But it could
So you do what you have to do

You have to clean your home, go for a pee.

You certainly don’t have to leave a defenceless infant all alone in an empty locked house.

Is that ladybird enough?

You are never more than a few seconds away from this thread it seems also

Wait, let me finish how I think it would go...

Hercule: Well, one of the other mums at the school says I’m being ridiculous and anxious and she’s worried about me. She says she leaves hers for a few minutes at a time.

GP: [taking out notepad] And her name would be?

is that the former wouldn’t get me into serious bother with children’s services.

if that is the only reason why you would do or not do something, I would seriously consider your parenting.

Vulpine

Ah. The last refuge of people without an argument.

@morondela I think it’s as good a reason as any to be frank, but it certainly isn’t the only principle to inform my parenting

I suppose the line between common sense and stupid risk taking is more blurred or thinner for some than others.

Well, I guess we'll never know why there is such a magical difference between being at the end of the garden, or across the road out of your property, and why one is absolutely fine but the other is a social services concern.

I suppose it makes some posters safer and reassure them that they are doing the right thing but they can still judge others, and pretend that they would report in real life when clearly they don't. What fun would it be otherwise.

Let's just hope the nutcase stick to their keyboard and do not waste genuine police or social service time taking them away from the ones who genuinely need help.

Well, I guess we'll never know why there is such a magical difference between being at the end of the garden, or across the road out of your property, and why one is absolutely fine but the other is a social services concern.

No, we do know. It’s been very clearly explained that the issues are temporal. How long would it take you to get your baby, if the worst (like a fire) were to happen? A few seconds? Go for it. A few minutes? Not okay.

You are ignoring that, which is probably because it is fatal to the - ludicrous - argument you have been making.

You are never more than a few seconds away from this thread it seems also

Isn't that the truth and for days and days now....... poor baby must be totally ignored!

@mornodela I spent a deal of time yesterday arguing the point you have just made which is that I worry about society going down the route of report report report or refer refer refer in relation to children and parents. I described it an evaporation of kindness and common sense.
It concerns greatly as I often think there is a degree of misinformation, sometimes spiteful judgement and lack of insight. I also said I think an already stretched and on the brink of failing system needs to question the whole purpose of safeguarding in relation to its capacity to deal with what must sometimes be a baseless accusation in amongst the other real abuse and neglect. The language and culture of all it too engenders suspicion and fear and often causes irreparable trauma with innocent families trying their very best in challenging circumstances p, families often crying out for help.

But to me there is a very clear line between a parent who is trying their best and a parent that is neglectful in the case of leaving their house, locking the door and walking several minutes away to school leaving a tiny baby asleep and all alone. Ironically doing this so it is safer and easier to collect another child from school. It is indefensible, it is most certainly not a parent trying their best. Furthermore, if I were to directly witness this or the person in question told me quite casually that this was what they had done and I was sure of it, then yes I would feel compelled to act. I wouldn’t want to, it doesn’t sit comfortably with me, but I would have to.

I accept that my opinion is like an arsehole. But this is mine.
I don’t think it makes me a better person, but I do think a parent who would leave a baby in such a way is neglectful and stupid. I think they either need some support to make sure this doesn’t happen again or a wake up call. It’s just not worth it and so unnecessary. Running s home is necessary. I also happen to believe a lot of people who are also consider this burgeoning reporting culture would think this way too inmthis soecific situation.

We spend months carrying these babies, we go through all sorts to have them delivered safely into the world. We spend years nurturing them, caring, clothing, feeding, educating, supporting inspiring them loving them. But yet we would leave them alone and not able to be their protector when they need us the most? for what? An easier ten minute walk? It doesn’t reconcile itself to me and it never will.

Personal attacks, now, because you’re that sad.

And just to clarify I don’t have head protectors, corner guards and socket covers in my home. I do take the rubbish out and visit the bathroom.
My hoover is shit, and I don’t have a football field back garden.

But I don’t leave my little ones in the house alone, lock the door and saunter off down the street somewhere else without them.

I am able to write all this as they are all at Nursery and school today, just so you know @vulpine 😉

@herculepoirot2 I've said many times you're way over invested on this thread. Every second post seems to be yours, you must be constantly on MN refreshing this. A lot of your posts are extensive so take time to type.

I personally find this level of involvement OTT. Before you start with your I'm being personally attacked now, you also were inferring that because I held the same opinion as another poster that we were sock puppeting.

I suggest you parent your child how you seem fit and leave this thread as you've stated previously you will. You're not going to change mine or others opinion.

I'd like to think that if I overheard this conversation, I would speak to the other parent first and ask if perhaps I could help by dropping their older child home for them for the next few weeks. It sounds as though they live really close to the school and so it wouldn't be a big deal and might just be of some help to someone who was possibly struggling. Or, I might keep an eye out the next day and see if they were on their own again without their baby & if that kept happening, then I might think there was a reason to do something - but I hope the first thing I would do, would be to speak to the parent, not immediately assume the worst and report them for something I really didn't know much about - other than an overhead conversation.

What happened to neighbourliness and kindness?

greenrockstar

There’s the other one. “Over-invested.”

Which is ironic, because you yourself have been here for days, repeating yourself!

Which is ironic, because you yourself have been here for days, repeating yourself!

the poster is probably, naively I give you that, still hoping you will eventually reply to the points made to you, not conveniently ignore most of them and keep repeating the same thing.

@herculepoirot2 no where near as much as yourself and I do not have small children...... you indicate you do. You must be one of those mums that has baby in one arm no interaction with them or playing and messaging with the other hand.

That was not the type of parent I was, nor do I like it. Up until now I've kept my judgement to myself but you're happy to judge others so you can take it as well.

Yes, I am a dreadful parent. Helicoptering with one hand and ignoring/neglecting with the other, whilst simultaneously arguing against actual neglect. That’s me.

@herculepoirot2 22 posts since just before 9am this morning..... oh dear! But of course you're the perfect parent because you're not more than a few seconds away from your baby.