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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

999 replies

NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 12:55

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

OP posts:
greenrockstar · 09/06/2019 21:05

*Jesus Christ I give up

Absolutely bizarre way of thinking*

Yep no rationale argument other than it's just different! Ta ra!

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 09/06/2019 21:32

The problem here, it seems to me, is that one side of this heated debate is driven by emotion the other by reason. Nothing wrong with either. But the emotive side is trying to pretend it has reasons! Better to be upfront that some aspects of parenthood are irrational. (But then don't lay into those driven by reason, rational parenting is not bad parenting!)

vdbfamily · 09/06/2019 22:28

Very well put fiddlesticks.

Alyosha · 10/06/2019 08:13

I dont have a monitor, does that mean according to Hercule et al, I can never hang out washing? It is not a legal requirement to own a baby monitor! I have left my son (at the time 7 weeks old) for 90 seconds (I timed it) to collect a package from next door. He was fine, I was worried the whole time. I wouldn't do it for longer but wouldn't report someone for doing it. Having said that I think SS would take a dim view of it...although it must be extremely common.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 08:34

Alyosha

There is a lot of selective hearing going on on this thread, isn’t there? If you have a baby monitor, or you are less than ten seconds from your own front door (as you would be collecting a parcel) you haven’t left the baby alone. You remain in charge of your home. I don’t care where you have actually gone, by the way, when I say that being two minutes away from a 4 month old baby is too far. Once you have crossed that line and left the house and gone any significant distance (not the garage - you are likely to be 20 seconds away from your child) a baby monitor is only going to allow you to watch someone take your child, not prevent it.

Someone will inevitably come on now and say their back garden is 10 acres so what’s the difference blah blah blah. But there’s already a lot of defensive and disingenuous rubbish here so it won’t surprise me.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 08:38

If you have a baby monitor, or you are less than ten seconds from your own front door (as you would be collecting a parcel) you haven’t left the baby alone.

Should be an and not an or.

MorondelaFrontera · 10/06/2019 09:06

some people clearly leave in studio flats, and are genuinely no more than 2 seconds away from their baby. They can't comprehend that others have slightly bigger properties and cannot hear a thing from one side of the house to the other, or from the garden.

Some posters picture the school run as a 10 minute drive, which is not the case we are talking about.

Some posters can be so anxious that they look at their baby non stop for 6 months that must be practical to run a house but sleep soundly forgetting that when in a deep sleep, they won't hear if anything happens. At least they sleep, so that's not a bad thing, but they are completely irrational.

I would argue that it's much more dangerous and unhealthy to be with your baby when you poo, cook, garden, drink hot drinks!

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:10

I would argue that it's much more dangerous and unhealthy to be with your baby when you poo, cook, garden, drink hot drinks!

I (or my husband) was never more than a few seconds away from my child, whatever I was doing, when she was 4 months old. It’s called parenting.

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 09:13

I (or my husband) was never more than a few seconds away from my child, whatever I was doing, when she was 4 months old. It’s called parenting.

No it's called helicopter parenting! It's different.

MorondelaFrontera · 10/06/2019 09:16

No it's called helicopter parenting! It's different.

that's a nice way to put it, I would query your mental state and the effect on your children if you are that anxious.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:22

😂🤣

I just can’t anymore. Am I being wound up? “Helicopter parenting”??

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:23

I don’t mean I never spent more than a few seconds away. For clarity, I was never physically further away than a few seconds.

BertrandRussell · 10/06/2019 09:25

To be fair, taking a 4 month old baby to the loo with you (which you would have to do if you were never more than a few seconds apart) is a bit helicoptery......

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:27

BertrandRussell

You’re not reading my posts, Bertrand.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:28

What I mean is that if anyone had had to get to my baby in a hurry, it would never have taken more than a few seconds. So, if I was on the toilet doing a poo and a fire broke out, I would get my poobum off the toilet and deal with it. I wouldn’t have to do a trek first.

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 09:28

I don’t mean I never spent more than a few seconds away. For clarity, I was never physically further away than a few seconds.

Did you shower whilst alive with the baby? You know in cot and you in the shower, would maybe not hear the baby if the shower was running and you were washing your hair?

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:29

When I showered I took a few minutes, but I would still have known if the house was on fire. I took sensible precautions when she was very small, like showering when she slept and leaving the door open. Normal stuff.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:30

And to be fair I usually had a bath rather than a shower, so I could hear her fine.

greenrockstar · 10/06/2019 09:35

And to be fair I usually had a bath rather than a shower, so I could hear her fine.

So OTT!!

MorondelaFrontera · 10/06/2019 09:36

It's helpless, someone has decided that they are right and will not listen to a word anyone says.

The difference is that none of tells you that you SHOULD leave your baby home for a couple of minutes, fair enough you are not comfortable with it, but I strongly reject the idea that I should be reported to social services because I didn't take my 6 month old with me in the loo or left them napping whilst I was hanging the laundry.

That is utter nonsense.

I mean, if you really want to be safe, you should sleep on a shift with your husband to ensure you wouldn't both be sleeping at the same time and killed by smoke if your fridge suddenly malfunctioned and start a fire. Even with smoke alarms in the house - very sadly, that has happened in real life.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:37

greenrockstar

WTF? I like baths.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:37

I strongly reject the idea that I should be reported to social services because I didn't take my 6 month old with me in the loo or left them napping whilst I was hanging the laundry.

And since I said neither of those things, you wouldn’t have to worry about that.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:40

I mean, if you really want to be safe, you should sleep on a shift with your husband to ensure you wouldn't both be sleeping at the same time and killed by smoke if your fridge suddenly malfunctioned and start a fire. Even with smoke alarms in the house - very sadly, that has happened in real life.

It really is quite pathetic that, knowing you are wrong about the core argument - whether or not you should leave your baby at home alone when you don’t have to at all - you are skirting round the extremities and suggesting that people who behave normally (taking their kids with them when they go out) also have to take the most ridiculous precautions you can think of. They don’t. They just shouldn’t be leaving their small babies at home alone. Get a grip.

MorondelaFrontera · 10/06/2019 09:41

herculepoirot2
I am not worried, but you have for the all of this thread, told us that you have "concerns" about a baby left alone and you would report to school, social services and the police.

When you are talking about minutes like we are, I am telling you again and again that's it is utterly ridiculous. It is NOT neglect.

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 09:43

MorondelaFrontera

If you left your house and were several minutes away from your baby and - for whatever reason - I knew about it, it would concern me and I would report it. I don’t give a shit how strongly you reject it. If you did it, I would have no regard for your ability to parent a child.

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