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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

999 replies

NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 12:55

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

OP posts:
poopypants · 09/06/2019 11:57

Just playing devils advocate here but will no doubt get flamed anyway but if baby was sleeping and mother was home, surely mother wouldn't actually check in every 5 mins. Baby would be left for 20-30 mins whilst mother got on with chores including chores outside. So if it was genuinely 10 mins and mother checked as soon as she got in, baby would essentially be more looked in on than usual.

cherrryontop · 09/06/2019 12:25

Am genuinely shocked at people who are in favour of leaving a baby at home alone.

People get absolutely flamed on here for leaving kids in the car at the patrol station or having a baby monitor on and going down to a hotel restaurant.

Can't understand the mentality of people who think it's ok to leave a baby at home alone because 'if they went in the garden for 10 minutes they would be out of earshot anyway so what difference does it make'.

It makes all the difference because the baby is left completely ALONE with no responsible adult.

Nobody should be expected to have a baby strapped to them permanently and take them to the toilet and so on. I certainly leave my baby to sleep while I get on with housework or go for a shower. But it's absolutely wrong to leave a baby in an empty house and go off on the school run.

It just is.

Dorsetdays · 09/06/2019 13:35

There’s no difference...your baby is left alone for 5-10 minutes. End of.

Doesn’t matter if the exit you took out of the house was via the back door into the garden to hang the washing out or via the front door to post a letter in the box on the corner.

It’s only our social norms that say one is wrong and one is OK.

Whether you would personally do either is entirely your choice but that doesn’t give you the right to report someone for their choices unless it is part of a wider concern and there are other flags.

In the OPs case there weren’t.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 09/06/2019 14:52

But it's absolutely wrong to leave a baby in an empty house and go off on the school run.

It just is.

Ahhhh, that explains it then!

cherrryontop · 09/06/2019 16:42

Fiddlesticks

Can you explain why it's ok to leave a baby at home, in an empty house, completely alone?

greenrockstar · 09/06/2019 18:15

@cherrryontop what is likely to happen?

Mamabear4180 · 09/06/2019 18:25

It's irresponsible. On the other hand OP putting your bins out while keeping the door on the latch and your keys in front of your face sounds paranoid in comparison.

Mamabear4180 · 09/06/2019 18:29

*Am genuinely shocked at people who are in favour of leaving a baby at home alone.

People get absolutely flamed on here for leaving kids in the car at the patrol station or having a baby monitor on and going down to a hotel restaurant.

Can't understand the mentality of people who think it's ok to leave a baby at home alone because 'if they went in the garden for 10 minutes they would be out of earshot anyway so what difference does it make'.

It makes all the difference because the baby is left completely ALONE with no responsible adult.

Nobody should be expected to have a baby strapped to them permanently and take them to the toilet and so on. I certainly leave my baby to sleep while I get on with housework or go for a shower. But it's absolutely wrong to leave a baby in an empty house and go off on the school run.

It just is.*

Of course it is! It's not even legal. If anyone was caught doing this social services would be involved. In terms of risk it's quite low risk with a sleeping baby presumably in a cot but that's not the point.

Vulpine · 09/06/2019 18:33

That's the very point that's been made several times actually

vdbfamily · 09/06/2019 18:36

Mama bear....it is not illegal. There are NSPCC guidelines but no law. You can be prosecuted if deemed to have exposed your kids to danger.
No-one has yet explained why gardening for 10 mins out of earshot is less risky that 10 mins elsewhere.
There are no brain cells engaged here. Can someone please explain WHAT is the difference?

greenrockstar · 09/06/2019 19:03

@Mamabear4180 it's not illegal at least talk the truth not utter fucking nonsense!

greenrockstar · 09/06/2019 19:05

There are no brain cells engaged here. Can someone please explain WHAT is the difference?

I doubt they can explain the difference, but let's wait and see....

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 19:11

after 560+ posts, we are still waiting to hear about that magical difference.

Mothers seem to be given some kind of magic power that protects a baby if they stay within the boundary of their property.

greenrockstar · 09/06/2019 19:28

Mothers seem to be given some kind of magic power that protects a baby if they stay within the boundary of their property.

But they don't .....

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 09/06/2019 19:38

Hi there Cherryontop!

But it's absolutely wrong to leave a baby in an empty house and go off on the school run.
It just is.

Ahhhh, that explains it then!

Fiddlesticks
Can you explain why it's ok to leave a baby at home, in an empty house, completely alone?

It just is!Grin

cherrryontop · 09/06/2019 20:01

All I can say to those who leave their baby alone at home is I hope that no harm ever comes to the baby at a time when their parent(s) have fucked off to do whatever they felt was easier without a baby in tow.

Imagine how traumatic it would be to come home to say finding your house had been burgled while your baby lay there alone. Anything could happen, and while the risk of something unpleasant happening isn't necessarily any different whether you are there or not, why would you not want to be close by for your baby Incase they need you?

Confused

I'm bored of this thread now. You can't argue with silly people. I know that no harm will ever come to my baby at a time when they are left completely alone at home. It's upto each parent how they choose to look after their kids, it's a shame some have very poor judgement.

It isn't the social norm to leave a baby at home to do the school run or whatever else. It's widely considered unacceptable and just because it's not illegal it doesn't mean it's ok and there doesn't need to be any specific reason why it's wrong. It's pretty simple, babies and young children need an adult around to ensure they are ok.

Dorsetdays · 09/06/2019 20:05

Cherry. Your post makes no sense, so not sure who’s being silly?

I'm bored of this thread now. You can't argue with silly people. I know that no harm will ever come to my baby at a time when they are left completely alone at home.

So no harm will come to your baby when you leave them alone at home? 🤔

greenrockstar · 09/06/2019 20:41

Anything could happen, and while the risk of something unpleasant happening isn't necessarily any different whether you are there or not, why would you not want to be close by for your baby Incase they need you?

Could you define anything? Or how being at the bottom of the garden for 10 mins would make situation different?

cherrryontop · 09/06/2019 20:46

Dorset

No harm will come to my baby at a time they are left completely alone
Because they will never be left completely alone

If any harm every comes to my baby or they become unwell or upset I will always be a matter of seconds away to see to them

Not up the road somewhere

When my baby is at home I will always be in the house or at the very least on the grounds of the house
The garden is just a matter of steps away no more than maybe 5 seconds away

Very different to buggering off on the school run for at the very least 10 minutes

cherrryontop · 09/06/2019 20:48

Could you define anything? Or how being at the bottom of the garden for 10 mins would make situation different?

Because you are still at home, and if out of ear shot you can use a monitor if you will be a while doing something or just sitting outside. The baby can be left to sleep not far from the door.

greenrockstar · 09/06/2019 20:54

Could you define anything? Or how being at the bottom of the garden for 10 mins would make situation different?

Because you are still at home, and if out of ear shot you can use a monitor if you will be a while doing something or just sitting outside. The baby can be left to sleep not far from the door.

Can you define anything? @cherrryontop, because that doesn't define it at all!

cherrryontop · 09/06/2019 20:55

I literally just explained why it's different what are you not getting?

greenrockstar · 09/06/2019 21:01

I'm not getting how being at the end of the garden out or earshot is worse than being down the road.

I've got two boys ;
(now adults) that are 18 months apart, we got a new garden fence, very long garden and it took me 30 mins to creosote a panel. They generally slept for 40 mins in the morning and I'd use my time to paint a panel, before monitors that ranges that long, before video monitors ...... guess what they're alive and well and having children of their own!

So I could've been 20 mins away and come back and they'd have no idea it was different to my being at the end of the garden.

cherrryontop · 09/06/2019 21:02

Jesus Christ I give up

Absolutely bizarre way of thinking

greenrockstar · 09/06/2019 21:04

I literally just explained why it's different what are you not getting?

You explained fuck all, you said

Because you are still at home, and if out of ear shot you can use a monitor if you will be a while doing something or just sitting outside. The baby can be left to sleep not far from the door.

Unless you've a long garden, a basement, a car outside which you're vacuuming and can't hear the baby, you're mowing the lawn and can't hear baby, you're showering and washing your hair.

You've not answered what could go wrong? Do tell!*
*

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