AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

You could even argue that if I faint whilst hanging my laundry, it may be hours before anyone notices. If I pass out in the street collecting my child from school, it will be seconds with all the other parents doing the pick up at the same time.

I imagine most people probably wouldn't even think that someone would be dumb enough to leave a baby unattended at home. You could be passed out bundled into an ambulance and nobody any the wiser you actually left a baby at home alone.

I should add that I do share a room with my daughter when I go to bed at night and probably will till six months, but I've made the choice that I don't want to go to bed at 7pm and want to have a few hours to myself in the evenings instead of sitting in a darkened room trying not to make too much noise. Likewise, I like to get stuff done during her naps. I don't actually know of anyone who sits with their baby for all naps and goes to bed at 7 with them every night, taking them into the shower with them and into the toilet while they have a crap, but they obviously exist as evidenced by these threads.

I actually have not only a video monitor but the Owlet smart sock which lets me see in real time her heart rate and oxygen levels (114bpm and 100% right now ). So if anything goes wrong, I'd probably be alerted sooner than someone in the same room as her, especially if that person was asleep.

that's the beauty of living in a friendly area with good schools that are not too big, cherrryontop, people do know each other and pay attention. We all have different lives and standards haven't we.

@greenrockstar I actually did not say it would be convenient to find a baby dead, I was obviously being sarcastic. It's a totally unnecessary risk and I don't really know how someone could live with themselves taking such a risk. Instead of trying to shame me, how about shame the person who actually put their baby in this situation in the first place.
I actually reported my own post and asked for it to be removed, which it has been, I have personal experience with SIDS and I think if you had, you would have an emotive response to it too and find such carelessness and laziness offensive.

@MrMakersFartyParty you wondered how convenient it would be...... the mother may have made a wrong judgement but that's a vile statement and you should be fucking ashamed.

@MrMakersFartyParty you e had experience and still said that .... fucking hell!

'Babies under 6 months old should be breastfed, because of SIDS. I wonder how convenient it would be finding your baby dead.'

Would you say that to someone? Only some guidelines that are worth making comments like that about then?

Well no, I wouldn't say it, as I said I had it removed. I don't think you can call leaving a tiny baby in a house alone "a wrong judgement", it's more neglect. And I don't think it can be compared to not breastfeeding either. I am talking about something happening to a baby while someone walks across the road and round a corner for 10 minutes.

For parents who are struggling with a non-stop screaming baby, really struggling, the advice is to put baby down safely in his cot, close the door, and go and get some fresh air. Take a moment and breathe. And obviously ask for help

So can we stop with the patronising, arrogant and superior tone about not leaving a baby unattended, ever, which is neither realistic nor remotely helpful let alone true.

No one is a perfect parent, those who assume they are are the worst because they don't recognise their own mistakes.

There are guidelines (which change and advise the opposite every 2 years anyway), there's common sense, and parents doing their best and adapting to their own context.

The busybody who must have an opinion and take away resources from serious cases should be ashamed of themselves.

@MrMakersFartyParty I don't think that leaning a baby alone for 10 minutes is a huge risk, you can argue about proximity but like others have said the risk is the same as if you were in the next room. It doesn't increase the further away you are.

Wrong judgement call maybe, but not worthy of that comment at all!

Honestly the judgement people get on these boards over every aspect of parenting

Breastfeeding/not breastfeeding
When to wean
Sleeping arrangements
Leaving kids in the car at the petrol station
Whether a 12 year old is ok to be left for an hour after school

Yet here we are on a thread where people seem to be fine with and justifying leaving a baby, AN INFANT WHO IS NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO SLEEP IN A ROOM AT NIGHT ALONE, by them self in an empty house.

There are guidelines (which change and advise the opposite every 2 years anyway)

There has never been advice to go for a walk around the block. Get some fresh air - yes. Go in the garden - yes. Both are considered preferable to losing your rag with an baby. But not go out for ten minutes and leave the baby alone.

I can't believe people are more shocked by the words "dead baby" than the lazy crappy act of actually risking such a scenario. Get some perspective.

Hi Cherryontop!

Yet here we are on a thread where people seem to be fine with and justifying leaving a baby, AN INFANT WHO IS NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO SLEEP IN A ROOM AT NIGHT ALONE, by them self in an empty house.

To be fair I'm late to the party, but I'm really not convinced by the "but anything could happen argument". Yes, in the other contexts you list some people are judgmental, some aren't. Some are rational, others more emotive. It's the same here!

@MrMakersFartyParty I think it was more than dead baby it was your heinous infernal that it might be convenient! Truly sick.

*inferring

MrMakersFartyParty clearly meant it wouldn’t feel as convenient when the worst happened. In other words, not worth the risk. I don’t think she was saying the parent would find it convenient.

@herculepoirot2 bullocks she did say and mean. and that's why she had the post removed!

@herculepoirot2 you're totally right, I don't know what @greenrockstar is on about or how they could interpret my comment in such a way.

@MrMakersFartyParty yeah you convince yourself you didn't say you wondered how convenient yet it would be for the parents to find a dead baby! You said it and you know you did, why otherwise would you ask for the post to be removed?

The comment was very clear to me.

Who can possibly think sarcasm about a dead baby is appropriate on a parenting forum no less?

And these are the posters who think they know best and can judge a parent and call them neglectful. This is getting beyond nasty now.

@MrMakersFartyParty so you're never ever ever not in the same room as your under 6 month old? Shower? Toilet? Hanging washing out? Really?

@herculepoirot2 you're so over invested in this thread you're no longer being rational.