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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

999 replies

NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 12:55

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 18:11

vdbfamily

Thanks.

JacquesHammer · 08/06/2019 18:13

is the exact quote from the OP

Along with discussing on at least two occasions that the school run would be 10 minutes in total. You know. As I said.

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 18:16

Along with discussing on at least two occasions that the school run would be 10 minutes in total. You know. As I said

why someone would (I quote) probably take 10 minutes to walk 2 minutes is anyone guess though...

The point being that leaving the child when you are across the road or 10 minutes walks is VERY relevant.

JacquesHammer · 08/06/2019 18:19

why someone would (I quote) probably take 10 minutes to walk 2 minutes is anyone guess though

I don’t think they would Confused I imagine the 10 minute total encompasses all the usual school run messing about like waiting for door to open, kids to come out etc together with the couple of minute each way walk.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 08/06/2019 18:31

Hi Cherryontop,

You can't seriously suggest that it's safer to leave the kids at home alone because it's statistically safer than crossing the road with them all!

Jesus Christ the world has gone mad.

Am I misunderstanding your post? Stripping it down to its bones you are saying "You can't say it's safer to leave kids at home when your only evidence is that it's safer"!

Well, yes, because it's safer!

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 18:41

*Stripping it down to its bones you are saying "You can't say it's safer to leave kids at home when your only evidence is that it's safer"!

Well, yes, because it's safer!*

Let’s say it is theoretically safer to leave your child in the house. Let’s concede that. Does it logically follow that the children whose parents actually leave them in the house are safer, and therefore that concerned persons who don’t know the family should refrain from acting?

No. It doesn’t. Why?

Because the parents who actually do this are far more likely to be doing it because it is easier, or because they are lazier, or because they really want another bottle of vodka and the child hasn’t just gone down to sleep. That isn’t safer. Those children are at risk.

If we don’t know the situation, that isn’t an excuse for not acting. In doubt, the responsible thing to do is to report a concern.

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 18:52

Because the parents who actually do this are far more likely to be doing it because it is easier, or because they are lazier, or because they really want another bottle of vodka and the child hasn’t just gone down to sleep. That isn’t safer. Those children are at risk.

we are still on the thread about the mum who pops out for a few minutes to pick up her 5 year old from school, are we? Confused

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 18:54

MorondelaFrontera

Again, Morondela, that is exactly what she is going to say. That it is the first time. That it’s only ever 5 minutes. It is indicative of a negligent attitude to do it at all, and it should give any reasonable person concern that she is a) doing it more than she says she is and b) that she is likely to do it again.

Greggers2017 · 08/06/2019 19:03

It's not illegal or even seen as neglect.

I made a MASH referral for one of my substances misuse clients, who has 4 children under 4. She disclosed to me that she leaves the 3 younger ones at home when she takes the oldest to nursery.
It got thrown out as it didn't meet the threshold 😳😳😳

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 19:04

I genuinely do not understand why you would even think that someone rushing for pick-up would automatically leave their baby to run much longer errands and be negligent? Why doing something for perfectly valid reason cannot be just that, but has to be a symptom or the beginning of worst?

Do you honestly assume the absolute worst about everybody like that?

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 19:04

Greggers2017

That’s staggering and sad.

But the issue isn’t what SS might do or not do about it. That’s their malpractice. The issue is what one should do when a concern exists. The answer is simple: report it.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 19:05

MorondelaFrontera

I do not think they would. I have no reason to think they wouldn’t, because they have already crossed the line of leaving the child alone.

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 19:07

would you genuinely report me if you seen me spending 20 minutes at the bottom of the garden (even if it does take me a lot less than 10 minutes to reach it...) when my baby is asleep on the other side of the house? Or longer if I am sitting there and having a drink with a friend?

What's your line not to cross?

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 19:09

MorondelaFrontera

My line is the NSPCC line that a child should never be left alone. Personally I think 20 minutes at the bottom of the garden when you have a 4 month old is a bit much, but it does not ring alarm bells. It rings alarm bells that a person would get up and go out of the house to do an errand, leaving the child unattended.

Greggers2017 · 08/06/2019 19:14

@herculepoirot2 horrible isn't it. I'm calling the manager on Monday and asking her to look into it again as Mum is also a heavy drinker.
At least then I know I've done all I can do.

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 19:15

for the thousands time, in both cases the child is unattended...

You could even argue that if I faint whilst hanging my laundry, it may be hours before anyone notices. If I pass out in the street collecting my child from school, it will be seconds with all the other parents doing the pick up at the same time.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 19:16

MorondelaFrontera

You are simply repeating yourself and ignoring the reason I have given you. Goodnight again.

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 19:18

herculepoirot2
you haven't given any! Your breaking point seems to be: leave the house by the front door. I don't understand at all, and you refuse to explain why you have judged that one thing is safer than another, why one thing must be the symptom of horrible neglect whilst the other isn't.
No logic, no sense.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 19:19

MorondelaFrontera

I have explained it to the fullest and this is getting tiring. Goodnight.

MrMakersFartyParty · 08/06/2019 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 19:39

well studies have shown that babies who had their own bedroom by the age of 4 months sleep an average of 40 minutes longer than others up to 2 and 1/2.
Studies publish for example in Paediatrics, from Penn State College of Medicine if you want one source.

Celebelly · 08/06/2019 19:43

I find it funny that people get so hung up on the 'six months in same room due to SIDS' guidelines, but I'm guessing wouldn't dream of having a go at people who formula feed, even though breastfeeding reduces the risk of SIDS too. Or co-sleeping, which is a favourite on MN.

Typing this while my four-month-old DD is fast asleep upstairs and I'm downstairs having dinner and watching a film Grin

greenrockstar · 08/06/2019 19:44

Babies under 6 months old should be in the same room as their parents at all times, because of SIDS. I wonder how convenient it would be finding your baby dead. Not even a baby monitor with her. Oh well at least she got a nap.

What a fucking evil post, hope you're proud of that!

cherrryontop · 08/06/2019 19:50

People who are arguing the toss over leaving a baby sleeping while you hang washing in the garden being the same risk as going on the school run -

Do you think it is acceptable to leave a baby at home unattended while you are physically out of the grounds of the house and elsewhere down the road?

It's just wrong!

While yes the result is technically the same, the baby is asleep without a parent in the room, it's just not the same situation.

You can do chores around the house and in the garden, but have a baby monitor if needed and be a few steps away from the baby to check on them.

You cannot do that if you have fucked off down the road to pick the kids up because 'it's easier' or 'more convenient'.

It's lazy, and it would very traumatic if something bad happened and you weren't even at home.

greenrockstar · 08/06/2019 19:51

@MrMakersFartyParty so you take your child into the room when you shower? Children under six months go to say care, that's not with their parents. I'd be amazed that a six month old has never been in a different room to its parent.

And again your post is vile, saying it would be convenient to find a baby dead, shame on you.