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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

999 replies

NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 12:55

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 13:47

cherrryontop

You’re wasting your time with these people. They know it isn’t okay. They do.

cherrryontop · 08/06/2019 13:47

You can't argue with stupid can you!!

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 13:53

cherrryontop

Oh they’re not stupid. They’re defensive and arrogant, thinking people should “mind their own business” because it’s them. That’s all.

Dorsetdays · 08/06/2019 13:53

Cherry. I think there’s a difference between leaving mobile children alone in an unlocked apartment for over an hour and leaving a 4 month old baby sleeping in their cot for 5-10 minutes.

We’re not talking about your situation and how far away the school run is for you. This thread is about how far the school run is for the mum in question which as the OP confirmed was 1-2 minutes away and meant leaving the baby for 5-10 mins max.

Again, I’m not suggesting that’s ok on a regular basis. But as a potentially one-off situation is it reportable to SS immediately, without even checking the facts?

Or, as a sensible adult, would you perhaps first make a point of checking on the next school run?

cherrryontop · 08/06/2019 13:56

I don't care how far it is for me or for anybody else.

1-2 minutes walk is still too far because that's 3-4 minutes total walking there and back plus if the kids are delayed coming out or something has happened the teacher needs to talk about.

What do you say?
Sorry can't talk I've left the baby at home Hmm

It's just stupidity at it's finest.

Just put the baby in the pram and take them.

Dorsetdays · 08/06/2019 13:58

Cherry. Still not the point...would you immediately report it to SS or establish the facts first on the next school run?

cherrryontop · 08/06/2019 14:03

I'm not actually the person that brought up social services or said I would report them.

Though I do think that social services would be interested if there was a report, because someone would obviously need teaching about risks and what is and isn't ok.

I would report someone if I thought they were repeatedly putting their baby at risk for no good reason.

Dorsetdays · 08/06/2019 14:06

Cherry. Exactly, which is what the OP was actually asking.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 14:11

Dorset

At the point of overhearing that conversation, a child was alone at home. A small baby. I would have no hesitation in informing SS and also police, because I have no idea when overhearing it a) how many times it has happened before b) how long the baby will actually be alone c) what else is going on that might be of concern. None. All I know is that there is a child at risk. Of course the responsible thing to do is to report it.

cherrryontop · 08/06/2019 14:23

Dorset

Yep

She was also asking whether people would be shocked and how other people would feel about the situation.

Dorsetdays · 08/06/2019 14:24

The OP thinks the baby was home alone. They said themselves that they could have missed part of the conversation so if the mum said someone else was at home they wouldn’t know (although the OP didn’t think that was the case but that’s not exactly 100%)

Hence my view that the facts should be checked first which is quite easy to do.

The OP also confirmed they have no overriding concerns about their welfare aside from this one incident so clearly waiting a day to check facts would not be putting them at risk.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 14:26

Dorsetdays

It’s enough to think it. If the thought is wrong, no harm done. If it’s right, the child is at risk.

Dorsetdays · 08/06/2019 14:28

But why on earth would you not check the facts first if waiting one day puts nobody at increased risk?

At the very least doing so might mean your concerns are allayed and you don’t waste valuable SS time and resources. Surely that’s a good thing?

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 14:33

Dorsetdays

It’s like talking a brick wall. My concern is that a child has been left alone at home. From what was said, that much is clear. No more “facts” to check.

cherrryontop · 08/06/2019 15:10

Mumsnet at it's best.

It's a parenting site.

People are justifying and coming up with reasons why it's ok for parents to leave babies at home.

They are also suggesting hanging on before reporting things Incase of wasting social services resources.

Fucking crazy.

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 16:31

The "carrying the key at face heigh" is a new MN classic, I am seeing it on other threads now Grin Grin Grin

I love the fact that some posters have super power and can hear everything from their shower, the end of their garden or their garage. I don't know, maybe you live in a studio flat. Not everybody does. It does make life easier with a big family if you can't hear someone sneeze from one side to the other.

People are justifying and coming up with reasons why it's ok for parents to leave babies at home
well, yes, they have an opinion and they can back it up. People like you haven't. We are talking about a minute walk to pick up a child, not going on a spa day for the entire day.

cherrryontop · 08/06/2019 16:45

People like you Grin
Like what? Who prefer not to take risks with their children.

JacquesHammer · 08/06/2019 16:50

I love the fact that some posters have super power and can hear everything from their shower, the end of their garden or their garage

I’m just not sure why I’d be at the end of my garden or in my garage. It certainly wasn’t part of my daily parenting routine so never particularly a thing to consider.

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 16:52

I’m just not sure why I’d be at the end of my garden or in my garage. It certainly wasn’t part of my daily parenting routine so never particularly a thing to consider.

so we are all different, so what? Some of us did a bit of gardening, put the laundry on the line, tidied the garage whilst baby was asleep. So apparently we have to be reported to SS for that?

JacquesHammer · 08/06/2019 16:54

so we are all different, so what? Some of us did a bit of gardening, put the laundry on the line, tidied the garage whilst baby was asleep

I’m just checking you do actually appreciate we’re all different.

So apparently we have to be reported to SS for that?

Yes absolutely. That’s just what’s been said Grin

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 16:54
Hmm
Vulpine · 08/06/2019 16:58

Can one do something out of a 'daily parenting routine' which might take them to the end of the garden or the garage such as gardening and diy jobs? Both of which I did and took me out of earshot of my baby. All my kids survived my terrible parenting.

bingowingsandthings · 08/06/2019 16:59

Meanwhile back in the real world...the less hysterical amongst us would simply make a point of seeing if the mum had her baby with her on the next school run and, if not, strike up a conversation with her.

You can leave a baby once but twice is wrong?!

JacquesHammer · 08/06/2019 16:59

Can one do something out of a 'daily parenting routine' which might take them to the end of the garden or the garage such as gardening and diy jobs?

I’m quite sure you can. Hence why I said it wasn’t part of mine.

If I’d gone to the end of the garden, I would have been away from the baby for a lot longer than 10 mins! Grin

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 17:00

JacquesHammer
YOU maybe didn't, but others posters are insistent that any child left at home for a couple of minutes has unsuitable parents who need to be reported.

I hope they didn't have children who had to put with anyone so overly anxious (and didn't even escape the loo when their mum needed a poo because they had to keep them with them AT ALL TIME)

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