AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

Dorsetdays

Because it’s enough of a concern that if it keeps happening it should be reported? And yet you did it anyway?

Yes I did and it wouldn’t have bothered me if someone had reported it, which funnily enough no one did even though they knew, because it was a one off and both my DC were and still are very well looked after so I had nothing to worry about.

My issue is wasting SS time and resources which could have been better spent on safeguarding children genuinely in need.

If this was a one off situation and not repeated daily I don’t see the need to report it.

By actually checking the facts rather than rely on overhearing part of a conversation you might find that you misunderstood and the baby was actually left at home with someone else in the house. 🤔

As I say, back in the real world, most of us are slightly less hysterical and would make a few simple checks first before dashing off to SS.

If there were clear guidelines and a consensus, there would not be a 15 page debate.

Also, guidelines aren't law. It is okay to take issue with them, or to consider whether they apply to specific situations.

herculepoirot2
you haven't addressed any of the other possible concerns that we put to you. You are blindly following this situation but refusing to answer about other possible "concerns" people like you could have.

Are you fine with all our examples? Would you report them to the school, SS, the police too?

Why are you refusing to answer and clarify your position?

• children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
• children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone overnight
• babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.

I found the above info on gov.uk regarding the law on leaving children alone.

It is a grey area as leaving a baby sleeping in the cot while you nip out isn't likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health.

But what if the baby was sick and choked?
Suddenly started struggling to breathe for some reason?
Woke up and cried for someone and became very distressed that nobody was there. 10 minutes crying alone for a baby will feel like a lifetime.
Babies can get hungry very suddenly and want it now. Leaving them for 10 minutes and potentially getting in a state is a horrible thing to do.

What if the parent had an accident or suddenly became unwell/fainted?
The kid at school had been in trouble or did something that held you up longer?

It's all ifs and buts and maybes, but the bottom line is it's completely unnecessary, and unacceptable to leave a tiny baby alone in a house for any length of time longer than it takes to put the rubbish out or nip out to car for something.

It's a stupid senseless risk and I judge anybody who does it.

MorondelaFrontera

I believe I have been very clear. You are repeating yourself now. As I said I have no interest in replying to you further.

Fyette

I didn’t say consensus. Clearly there are some people here who prefer to ignore the guidelines. But they are there. Not hidden. Not complicated.

By actually checking the facts rather than rely on overhearing part of a conversation you might find that you misunderstood and the baby was actually left at home with someone else in the house. 🤔

The OP clearly believes otherwise. If I believed otherwise I would report. End of story. You think your kids are fine. I think your kids were lucky. We are entitled to different opinions.

herculepoirot2
well, you have never replied to any of the points raised, just keep repeating over and over that you want to report that mother and that the police, SS would get involved immediately.

If you can't even justify yourself, and answer question, your position is truly very weak so you must know you are being obtuse and completely wrong.

I asked if IABU as I'm pretty cautious (for instance, when I'm putting the bins out when DD is in bed and DH isn't home, it's literally three steps into my own front garden, and I still put the door on the latch and carry my keys at face height never taking my eyes off them, as I ditch the bin bag in the bin).

Cherry. That’s the point of this thread though, that the mum in this situation popped out 1-2 mins distance outside the door for 5-10 mins total.

How is that different to being in the shower for 10 minutes or hanging the washing out?

*Cherry. That’s the point of this thread though, that the mum in this situation popped out 1-2 mins distance outside the door for 5-10 mins total.

How is that different to being in the shower for 10 minutes or hanging the washing out?*

Because she isn't in or around the house able to hear or check on the baby.

But what if the baby was sick and choked?
Suddenly started struggling to breathe for some reason?
Woke up and cried for someone and became very distressed that nobody was there. 10 minutes crying alone for a baby will feel like a lifetime.
Babies can get hungry very suddenly and want it now. Leaving them for 10 minutes and potentially getting in a state is a horrible thing to do.

Any of these things might also happen while parent was taking a shower / hanging out laundry in the garden. Having to be woken and exposed to the bustle of the playground might be equally or more upsetting to an individual baby.

I really understand that some parents would always prefer to take their child. I just really don't understand why this needs to be an issue for social services.

I would not judge a parent either way.

I can't believe on a parenting forum of all places it's actually being justified that someone would leave their baby alone.

I really understand that some parents would always prefer to take their child. I just really don't understand why this needs to be an issue for social services.

Prefer to take their child?
They shouldn't prefer to, they just fucking should, it's called being a parent and taking proper care of a child.

It's neglectful leaving a baby or young child home alone. That's why it's a social services issue.

Cherry. But that still hasn’t answered my question of how this particular situation is any different to taking a shower or being in the garden....with the same end result of your baby being left alone for 5-10 minutes?

I did answer it.

You are still within the grounds of the house and in earshot of the baby.

And 1 minute or less to take rubbish out or whatever is a hell of a lot different to leaving the house and going somewhere else entirely.

Do you think it's acceptable to leave a baby or small child home alone?

Cherry. How are you in earshot in the shower? In my garden I wouldn’t have been able to hear my DC even with a monitor either.

I don’t think it’s right to leave a baby home alone clearly but I genuinely don’t see what the difference is if doing so means being within the same distance as if you’re in the garden or if the time frame is the same as taking a shower.

Perhaps this is difficult for some to understand as for most people the school isn’t literally right next to their house. In my case, it was, so school pick up was actually closer than the bottom of my garden.

I disagree, cherryontop. Remember, we are talking about only 10 minutes, with baby safe at home and in bed. I think it may be the right choice in some situations. I don't understand why you'd get so upset when what constitutes being a good parent is so culturally determined. No one has all the right answers. As I said before, it is pretty common here for parents to go about their business while baby naps - sometimes outside on the pavement while parent is having a coffee with a friend. Infant mortality is lower, children are happier and healthier. If this were really so terrible, wouldn't the statistics reflect that?

Again, I do not want to say one practice is better than the other. I just honestly do not understand the level of anger this is inspiring, when there is no rational reason for it.

How are you in earshot in the shower?

How loud is your shower?!

I never left my children alone, I have three. It simply is not safe, anything can happen. You read some horror stories on the news enough to know. This is obviously worrying you (and rightly so), what if she keeps doing this and something does happen? You would probably wish you had said something. You can either approach her directly and just say your concerns. She may think your being beaky etc but it may make her think a bit. Plus so what if she is a bit put out you have approached her. Or you speak in confidence to the school and let them raise this. I think she would benefit from 'Safeguarding' training.

Jacques. Rainfall power shower so pretty standard I’d imagine but not near my DC’s room.

but not near my DC’s room

Undoubtedly closer than “out of the house on the school run”.

Unless you’re about to tell me you live in Buckingham Palace

No sadly I don’t but actually there wouldn’t be much in it as the school is right next door and my bedroom and shower is on the other side of the house so....🤷🏼‍♀️

And the point is that in both situations I wouldn’t be within earshot of my baby and could well mean they’re on their own for 5-10 minutes.

At the end of the day leaving a baby home alone is wrong.

People need to take a shower or do household chores that might take them away from the baby but you are still in the same house, in the same building and able to check in on them within a few seconds. You can hear them if they cry. My shower doesn't stop me hearing general noise especially crying.

If you lock the doors and leave the house and skip off on the school run leaving a baby home alone, it is wrong.

Ok some people might live literally a stones throw from school and I can kind of grasp why someone would if they literally leave on the dot finishing time and are back within a couple of minutes, but it's still risky and stupid and I wouldn't do it.

Has nobody heard of Madeleine McCann? She was left alone in a holiday home where her parents thought she was safe and she bloody well wasn't.