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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

999 replies

NotMyUsualNameNoSiree · 06/06/2019 12:55

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

OP posts:
bingowingsandthings · 07/06/2019 13:21

Anything could happen? Like what?

Are you for real?! Who leaves a 4 month old baby?!

5kidsandlosingit · 07/06/2019 13:31

Yeah I’ve done similar. Everyone’s still alive.

greenrockstar · 07/06/2019 13:55

*I left ds for 5 minutes when he was 2. He was asleep and poorly, and I’d run out of Calpol. It made me feel like a rubbish parent for weeks.

I can’t imagine leaving a tiny baby. Why not just stick it in a sling and take it along?*

How is this any better or worse? Honestly what's the difference?

I'm in the camp of no harm done, alls well that ends well!

makingmammaries · 07/06/2019 14:08

When my youngest was a baby and I was recovering from MRSA, a jobsworth from the (French) child benefit office reported me for allegedly not having registered my child’s birth. In fact, I had told her - truthfully - that I was unable to locate the birth certificate at the moment she asked for it. Naturally, I was cleared of any wrongdoing, but I actually think it is irresponsible to escalate mountains into molehills. It was hugely stressful having SS at my door.

Slacksandblouse · 07/06/2019 14:08

I thought most of us thought leaving kids unattended was unsafe? Most of us have looked back at the Maddie case and had to rethink how we do this. Some of us left their kids alone like that case, some don’t and never did. After that case (Maddie) I think we all realized not to leave our kids alone at home or anywhere.
And as convenient and “safer” as some say it is, just never leave your kids home alone. Those are not just for Portugal. Leaving kids home alone has its risks.

makingmammaries · 07/06/2019 14:09

Molehills into mountains, meant to say...

makingmammaries · 07/06/2019 14:11

Google ‘mother and baby hit by car’ and you’ll see that everything has its risks.

MorondelaFrontera · 07/06/2019 14:16

I'd call social services and the police personally.

Oh please do, and let us know how you got on.

greenrockstar · 07/06/2019 14:30

Not sure it's anything to do with the school particularly, I'd call social services and the police personally. I'm sure that's neglect and illegal. How irresponsible that poor baby.

I'm sure the baby is not even aware Hmm

user1492450936 · 07/06/2019 17:51

Pouring with rain - 6 month old asleep in his cot; left him whilst I took the older one to school, in the village. All ok - he's 38 now. Don't think I'd do it nowadays nor anywhere than a little Cornish village

Jack80 · 07/06/2019 17:52

Why would you even do that, how scary, needs reporting.

masterblaster · 07/06/2019 17:53

In Denmark people leave their kids outside shops all the time. I once did a brewery tour with a friend and she left the baby asleep for about half an hour. Absolutely nothing happened. We were quite shocked and asked "but what if they woke up?" ahhh, someone would come get me." Different attitude to risk and the likelihood of someone stealing your baby.

chamchick26 · 07/06/2019 18:01

It is EVERYBODIES responsibility to safeguard children. If you are concerned you MUST speak up, if it happened to not be as serious at least those children were checked on and nothing more will happen. Leaving children alone at an age where they cannot be responsible for their own safety is NEGLECT.

MorondelaFrontera · 07/06/2019 18:05

It is EVERYBODIES responsibility to safeguard children.

true. This is not a safeguarding issue, let alone a case of neglect or a case of NEGLECT.

Beverley71 · 07/06/2019 18:09

It is completely irresponsible of the mother to do this, anything could happen. However, it is not illegal. You could mention it to the school just in case they have other concerns and then they can decide if the mother needs anymore support.

I once left my 5 year old at 12pm to put my neighbours bin out. I checked on him before I went and was less than 5 minutes. When I got back in he was running about the top floor absolutely beside himself because I didn’t answer when he shouted me and he didn’t know where I had gone. Boy did I feel like shit.

Beverley71 · 07/06/2019 18:10

That’s should have been 12am

ChipSandwich · 07/06/2019 18:11

Are you sure she wasn’t with dad? I often say I’ve left the youngest at home at pick up when of course she’s got her dad with her

Many years ago when my 2nd daughter was about 3 weeks old I took her older sister out for a walk in her pushchair. On my return my neighbour was at my door in a proper dander threatening me with all sorts. My husband popped his head out of the door to see what the fuss was about.

See, my husband worked away Mon to Fri but had taken a week off.
I was gutted that it never occurred to her there was someone in the house with the baby - her first thought was that I'd left my baby alone.
I went off her a bit after that.

sallyfox · 07/06/2019 18:31

Speak to her privately out of earshot and sight of anyone.

TigerTooth · 07/06/2019 18:36

I don’t think it’s the worst thing ever. I left my DD at about that age to nip to the shops - I did alert downstairs neighbour that she was upstairs sleeping just in case of emergency but I didn’t sit in her room watching over her cot when I was home so she’d often been unattended for 10 mins.
It’s not a big deal - it’s 10 minutes!

EllenMP · 07/06/2019 18:39

That mum could probably find a few things to criticize in your parenting too. The risk is very very small - an intruder? mum having a fatal accident? - and we all choose the risks we are comfortable taking. We drive our babies in cars. We let older siblings hold them. We send them to germ filled nurseries. We co-sleep, or put the baby to sleep in its own nursery. It’s up to the parents to weigh those risks and decide what they can tolerate. Not nosy strangers.

Someone pronounced that you must never leave baby in the house alone and for some reason that has stuck like Moses handed it down from the mountain. But we don’t call child services when we know a child hasn’t been vaccinated, or hasn’t been read stories every night.

I had a friend who did exactly this - left baby napping every day and dashed 100 meters to pick up his older brother from nursery school. Would I have done it? No. It’s outside my comfort zone. But did I think she was a bad mother for it? No. And no harm ever came to the baby. This is a parenting choice, not abuse or neglect. Stop policing other women’s choices.

Bouncingbelle · 07/06/2019 18:48

I left my sleeping baby to go to the shop. We had terrible snow that i was struggling to walk through never mind carrying a baby on an oxygen tank who wasnt meant to be out in the cold. I lived in a cul de sac which meant i literally walked over some grass and the shop was there. House was in sight apart from the 1 minute i was being served. Because of the snow i was gone about 4 minutes. Baby was absolutely fine (it was so close i had taken the monitor!) But i wasnt comfortable with it and never did it again.

ivegotdreadfulpmttoday · 07/06/2019 18:49

I used to lodge with a primary school teacher who left her 11month old at home alone for several hours if she got offered some supply work!!

herculepoirot2 · 07/06/2019 18:54

This is a parenting choice, not abuse or neglect. Stop policing other women’s choices.

Utter, utter rubbish. The police would take an interest, basing their view that the child was at risk on the advice provided by the NSPCC, that a baby should never be left alone. That advice is unequivocal.

Turnitaroundagain · 07/06/2019 19:02

I think if anyone tells on her it should be the mum who she was discussing it not a random person who may or may not have overheard the whole story. The op felt that there was a judgey tone there and sometimes that is enough to warn tired and stressed mums that they are pushing the boundaries. Why does anyone think it’s a good idea to involve social services in this womans life based on a possible error of judgement? You’d like to see her kids placed in care because she left her baby alone for 10 minutes in one occasion?

herculepoirot2 · 07/06/2019 19:03

Why does anyone think it’s a good idea to involve social services in this womans life based on a possible error of judgement? You’d like to see her kids placed in care because she left her baby alone for 10 minutes in one occasion?

Absolutely not. I would like to see someone assess whether the standard of her parenting is meeting the baby’s needs and support her to improve it if needed.