To insist DS has closed toe sandals this year?

[NoTheyAreNotTeenagers]

He's 9. And will not go sockless. He refuses to go anywhere without socks on unless it's the swimming pool. I have managed to persuade him to wear the short trainer style socks when he is wearing shorts. AIBU to suggest I get him some closed toe sandals this year so it's not so obvious he's wearing socks?

My DD is 8 and has chosen her own clothes for many years. I take her out when we need to buy new and tell her how many of what item we need. I retain the veto over price and anything I consider wholly unsuitable (e.g. midriff exposing T-shirts with silly logos). I also have a veto on shoes - she can have what she likes AS LONG AS THEY FIT PROPERLY. Mostly though she has pretty good taste. She also wears socks with everything including sandals. No other kid has ever mocked her for it. This year she has closed toe sandals from mountain warehouse. Good price and practical. They are worn with socks! The only time the socks come off is at the beach - she likes the feel of sand on her feet.

Get him closed toe sandals if you like. They are practical anyway.

I see it as part of my responsibility as a parent to not leave him open to ridicule. So trying to ensure that he doesn't stand out too much from his classmates.

I understand this. It's also a balance with your parental responsibility to support DC to be comfortable with being the individuals they are. Your DS sounds quite certain in what he wants to wear, so maybe ask him and show him online what options there are including closed toe sandals - before going shopping to try them on. Then he can choose. He might just have different taste in styling to his friends or might put comfort above everything else. I don't think you'd be letting him down. But I understand your worries from your childhood experiences.

I totally understand where you're coming from, OP. When I look back at my childhood photos I think "Why? Why did you put me in my brother's old clothes, with a bowler haircut?". My mum just rolls her eyes and says "that's what you WANTED to wear", but frankly I didn't need to look so shit. She has always believed it's what's inside that matters, but my life got easier when I accepted that what's outside matters too.

However I think closed toe sandals will be ridiculed about as much as a sock-sandal combo, so I would let this one slide. Anything is better than foetid summer trainers.

YABVU. You’re bringing him up to care what people think of his appearance. Surely it’s better to be confident enough to wear what he wants.

If a teacher called you into school and said DS was being unkind laughing at X for a T-shirt choice - what would you say?

I hope parents raise their kids with some kindness .

You are projecting your issues into your child - let him wear his socks

Let him wear what he is comfortable in. My dd used to wear socks with sandals until the last year or so, she is 12. Now she wears trainers with socks on holiday as she finds it the comfiest.

People should be able to wear what they want without being judged.

Just seeing your latest reply, I can understand your remembering how it felt to be mocked because of your parents' own fashion sense. But maybe that doesn't matter to him - sometimes it's hard to believe that things that matter a lot to you don't matter to someone else.

I had the opposite preference - at that age I was a sock refuser. I always insisted on wearing sandals, slippers, trainers and even wellies on my bare feet. My parents tried to talk me out of it, warning me about blisters, but they let me do it anyway. As a teenager I wore trainers without socks most of the time (it was "kind of" in in the 90s).

This is the look .....

the local sports shop has them for older kids paxillin
He has asked for sandals as he said his feet were too hot.

But does he actually need any sandals? All the 9 year olds I know just wear trainers/converse etc in the summer.

My DD has chosen what to wear since she was 2 or 3. If i dressed her in something she didn't want she simply took it off and put her preferred outfit on. She was a pain about eating and sleeping and those were the important battles for me - i could live with mismatched clothes as long as weather appropriate. I have never been able to purchase clothes for her (apart from school iniform or black leggings), unless she is with me. DS OTOH would much prefer me to pick up some clothes for him rather than be dragged round a shop.

Sorry x post.

I am by no means fashionable, but after having been mocked by classmates for a very long time as a child for my parents' appalling fashion sense, (including being cornered in public toilets as a teenager by complete strangers who pulled apart every aspect of my "outfit")

I empathise with that, but you are now being a parent deciding what he should wear.

Two points:

1. Other posters have told you that the look he's affecting may actually be currently fashionable.

2. There's a world of difference between being laughed at for stuff your parents made you wear which you will have to continue to wear and being laughed at for clothes you chose to wear knowing you might be laughed at it.

You should certainly tell him that you are worried he may be laughed at, but you have to let him decide how important that is to him. If he weighs up the pros and cons of socks and decides the pros of comfortable feet outweigh the opinions of complete bellends, that's up to him.

He will take socks off for a bath/shower and then puts them straight back on again. He will not even go to bed unless he is wearing socks.

I put clean socks back on after a bath or shower... I like having socks on. Warmer feet and I don't really like feet, so I don't really want to look at them. I take them off when I get into bed... I'd wear them with everything if I could!

I rarely wear sandals. If I'm in trainers or boots, I have socks on. I'd wear them in heels if the design allowed. I don't think I have a sock thing

If he weighs up the pros and cons of socks and decides the pros of comfortable feet outweigh the opinions of complete bellends, that's up to him

^ this

Get him some sliders, no one will mock him , he'll be the height of fashion

Soy really? DD is 9 and they all wear sandals, all summer long. Converse? For a 9 year old?? Baffling.

but you are now being a parent deciding what he should wear.

There's a world of difference between being laughed at for stuff your parents made you wear which you will have to continue to wear and being laughed at for clothes you chose to wear knowing you might be laughed at it.

Point taken. Will do this: You should certainly tell him that you are worried he may be laughed at, but you have to let him decide how important that is to him.

If you’re in the UK it’s rarely warm enough to need sandals anyway. Trainers are fine.

I'm with your son on this. FWIW I never go sockless either, nor will I. Does that make me a social pariah? Personal comfort is more important than so-called fashion.

Let him wear socks with sandals and support him in his decision. If he wants to wear odd coloured socks, let him get on with it.
My DS is currently wearing a tweedy deerstalker type hat to school even though it’s warm weather because he likes wearing it.
Why are you so paranoid about him fitting in with his peers?
I’d be teaching him that it’s not only ok to be different, but it’s important to own your own choices and opinions and not blindly follow the crowd.

Good luck. It's hard. I have had to gove my kids warnings about social reactions many times. Sometimes they said "I don't care. Wearing it makes me happy" and sometimes they rethought it and we bought something else instead.

I honestly let mone where what they want. Odd socks is not an issue as its visual but really it's no big deal.

Sounds like a sensory thing. He needs his socks on. Personally I’d let him choose the sandals he wants to wear.

OP is he wearing socks and sliders or those open toed strapped sandals with socks? Because they are a completely different look fashion wise...