Wedding invite rsvp

[Cuppa12345]

I know IABU but twice in the last few months I've got invites to a wedding miles away, on a Thursday, evening only, no kids. One from my cousin and I don't see her often and there's relationship there outside of usual family gatherings so that's fine. I've declined, saying we can't make it.

A really good mate of mine has been talking about her wedding for a while. I've just got a save the date through, evening do in West Sussex, Thursday, evening only. I know IABU, they can invite who they want, "it's not a summons" but I genuinely wanted to celebrate her wedding but I feel like I've been demoted.

It's unlikely I'll go - 1.5/2 days annual leave, prob hotel, babysitters, travel, all for a few hours.

I want to say - sorry, it's a bit far for an evening do mid week!
Is that massively unreasonable: to be honest about why I'm declining?

Both of these people were invited to my whole wedding 5 years ago. We didn't have evening guests, just invited people we wanted there to see us get married and celebrate after. We spent £3k doing it, and I think these people have prob spent 10 times that to have huge weddings in stately homes but scrimped on numbers and had it midweek so they could afford it.

Again prob being VU, but if you can't afford to invite your friends and family on a Saturday to see you get married, you can't afford that wedding and you need to rethink.

Right, rip me a new one MN!

This post and the responses have got me worried now. I'm getting married next July and we are sending save the date/ save the evenings next month. I have a massive family and my parners is incredibly small. We have a very small number of good friends. We have also told our work friends they will be invited to the evening only. We are putting buses on for transport from our city centre to the venue just outside the city for both the full day and evening only guests and transport back again at the end of the night. We plan on inviting only the family we see often to the day as there is a limit of 50 for the day and the wedding party alone is roughly 10 people. There is an additional 50 for the evening.
We've been upfront about who is invited to the full day and why (number limit with venue and have to go by who we see often etc). If people can't/don't want to come to the evening only then that's fine.

I don't think this is rude... I would simply rather have the family and small number of friends we see and speak to often be there for the whole day rather than spend £70+ that we don't have to have family there who don't make as much effort to spend time with us or even speak to us much).

We have chosen our venue as I've always loved it and it has a lot nearby... plenty of transport, it's a hotel, shopping centre along the road,pubs nearby plus hairdresser and dress shop.

I'm having our wedding to please us and as far as I'm concerned if anyone doesn't like how we're doing it then they can either suck it up and come for a nice night or not come at all and be in a huff. We've booked a Sunday as it suits us and is in the summer holidays so still trying to make it doable for people.

Sometimes its about the couple and not the guests

Sometimes its about the couple and not the guests

Not really if you're a decent host you'll consider what the guests want to.It sounds like you've been considerate by laying on transport. Evening invites are fine for evening guests and distant relations who live locally. If you exclude close family and friends to evening only it's when you're making a statement that the nice venue is more important than the close friend or family member and yes people will be upset (or just consider you shallow). A work colleague really isn't going to expect you to chose a venue on their behalf so will come along if convenient or wish you well and make their excuses - no harm done!

Louise Your wedding day sounds very different though, your venue is not hours and hours away for your guests, and you have organised transport for them.

Your wedding day is on a Sunday so people will have the choice to take a Monday off, or not. It will not use up two whole days of annual leave.

I don't think you can compare them really. If you have a big family they will be used to evening only invites, and work colleagues are usually pleased and delighted to be invited.

As inconvenience factor goes yours is definitely on the low side, and I am sure most of your guests will be very happy to come and celebrate with you.

Op has hours and hours to drive, has to take two days off, and hasn't even been invited to the whole day and she is pregnant! A tall order for anyone, so very questionable as to whether the couple have given it any thought at all.

I don’t understand why people need to take a Monday off for a Sunday wedding if they live locally? Most Greek weddings are on a Sunday. Don’t think I or anyone I know has ever taken a Monday off. We live about 70-90 minutes away from central London where a lot of Greeks have their receptions. It’s just par for the course!

Because you want a lot to drink and make a night of it? Always better if you don't then have to be up at 6am the next morning for work.

I suppose it’s a difference in culture then. It just wouldn’t occur to most Greeks to make a night of it or get drunk at a wedding. I’m sure some do but it may be seen as very disrespectful to the couple & their families. Most weddings people leave around 10.30/11 after the couple have done the traditional money dance with close friends & family closing it up around midnight or 1am. So you’d still have around 100 people till the end I suppose. Just different experiences - which makes the world go round!

IHeartArya

Are you talking about greek weddings taking place in the UK?
All weddings i have been in Greece go on until quite late. Mine finished at 5am on a Saturday night/Sunday morning but of course not all the guests stayed that late.
I have to agree, though, that there doesn't seem to be a 'getting wasted' mentality. At least, to the ones i have been to. Lots of dancing involved, some tipsy people, and the odd person who over did it.

All weddings i have been to took place on a Saturday, though. Both ceremony and reception late afternoon.
However, I have seen baptisms on an early Sunday afternoon.

I also never heard of a child free wedding until i joined MN. Often the only ones who kept the party going were children dancing. Grownups were to full of food to move.

Waiting yes in the UK. The ones in Cyprus usually have the church around 6 as it’s so hot so weddings by necessity finish even later! We’ve often sat down to dinner at 10pm sometimes later for the breakfast.

I don't think people realise how difficult it is to organise the logistics of going to a Wedding that's not local. Thursday's a funny day. Am I correct in thinking the wedding is at a private place rather than a Church where you could go to the service then the evening do? Please don't view it as being demoted though.

Not tacky at all. I've had this and just happy to be invited to any of it. I've had colleagues say they purposely had midweek weddings to keep costs down and they didn't mind if the numbers were low! It's not all about you!