Have a 4th at 47 or not?

[baby4ornot]

I will be turning 46 this year and have been on the fence about conceiving a 4th child.
Back story, we had a difficult time getting pregnant due to my endometriosis. We finally had our first child via IVF at the age of 40. Then we had twins (boy&girl) at age of 42. I was wiped out after the twins and had a severe umbilical hernia which I was told by my dr that I needed to get fixed before I ended up in an emergency room. I opted to get full muscle repair with no mesh. I was 44. At the time I couldn't think of having a fourth. Now my oldest is about to start K, and the twins will start next year.
We have 1 embryo left in storage. I have this immense guilt about leaving it in storage and that I should attempt to go through and try having this baby. The embryo has already been tested (after initial MC with first 3 IVF, we had all the embryos go through PGD testing), so it should be free of chromosome defects which would lead to a MC (miscarriage) or birth defects. It would just be a matter of it surviving the thaw and implanting.

I go back and forth on if I can physically handle a 4th at 47 (assuming I start the process this year and give birth next year)? When I was pregnant with the twins at 41-42, my BP was a concern, now I will also have to factor a pregnancy with a sewn stomach. Also we would be going back to square 1 baby stage and infant daycare costs. My husband doesn’t want to give the embryo up for adoption but I don’t want to destroy it either. Hence my dilemma. Anyone w similar situation or thoughts?

Yeah your husband should be a bit more cautious about the implications for your health.

Why is he going around taking about your plans for your embryos? He sounds a bit weird honestly

I'm well and truly shocked at the selfishness of a man who bangs on about having another baby when he has 3 healthy ones already and a wife who had a major repair operation on her abdomen, is 47 and had BP concerns in the pregnancies or that anyone would consider being so reckless and irresponsible not just with their own health after having been through all that but also towards the 3 children who are already here.

Not to mention the utter delusions that 47-year-olds look 21. Just, please.

My dads dad had a kid at 60 he's now 81 she recently become 21 he does nothing physically with her and the others they use him as a cashpoint but that's a whole other story. His other sons my dad and uncle are 49 and 58

I think your mad op Just remember the dirty nappies night feeds, terrible two's, teething ,nipples that are cracked and sore, engorged sore boobs, weeks of smelling like gone off milk, crying, feel8ng like you've been punched in the vagina, or c section not being able to drive, colic omg does anyone want to chime in here?😁😁😁.Serious tho I wouldn't mainly because of your prev. Complications. Enjoy your freedom get a new hobbie

I'm 67 and feel absolutely knackered. If I had a 20year old, I shudder to think what our lives would be like. As I am able to do less,they would feel compelled to do more. I'm not saying you'd be like this but many people are by my age. It's hard to envisage when you're under 60 and still feeling pretty good but please bear it in mind.

Forgot to mention. My mother 45 when I was born, father 55. I can usually recognise children of older parents when adult, they

My mum and grandmother died at 60. That would leave a 13 year old without a mother. Many people with parents 60-70 have to become carers for various issues that can crop up as people age. I honestly think it would be selfish to consider having a baby at this stage. I’m 37 and wouldn’t have another at this stage. 4 children is hard work. I have friends with this many and their life is so stressful and they have no time to themselves. Again would you want to still be parenting in retirement? Missing out on your future grandchildren etc?

DH never went on playdates because by the time he was 5, his parents were in their 50s and all his friend’s parents were 30 and they found it awkward. All in all he had quite a lonely and unfulfilled childhood due to his parents’ age.

I can really relate to this. There was always a huge age gap between my parents and my friends' parents. The generation gap was so noticible. My DP's mother is 25 years younger than my dad and only 7 years older than my sister.

My parents are almost 80. One is in a nursing home with dementia and the other needs a lot of help with basic tasks. Meanwhile the vast majority of my friends' parents are in their 60s and are still reasonably healthy and active. I find it really sad, but none of my friends can relate to my experience. Btw both of my parents were younger than 47 when I was born.

So all in all, I'm another one who found it really tough having older parents.

I'm 40 and only just starting to face my parents getting older. I'm not grown up enough.

Your main motivations for considering this seem to be guilt at the unused embryo and your partner wanting another. Those wouldn't be good reasons however old you were.