Have a 4th at 47 or not?

[baby4ornot]

I will be turning 46 this year and have been on the fence about conceiving a 4th child.
Back story, we had a difficult time getting pregnant due to my endometriosis. We finally had our first child via IVF at the age of 40. Then we had twins (boy&girl) at age of 42. I was wiped out after the twins and had a severe umbilical hernia which I was told by my dr that I needed to get fixed before I ended up in an emergency room. I opted to get full muscle repair with no mesh. I was 44. At the time I couldn't think of having a fourth. Now my oldest is about to start K, and the twins will start next year.
We have 1 embryo left in storage. I have this immense guilt about leaving it in storage and that I should attempt to go through and try having this baby. The embryo has already been tested (after initial MC with first 3 IVF, we had all the embryos go through PGD testing), so it should be free of chromosome defects which would lead to a MC (miscarriage) or birth defects. It would just be a matter of it surviving the thaw and implanting.

I go back and forth on if I can physically handle a 4th at 47 (assuming I start the process this year and give birth next year)? When I was pregnant with the twins at 41-42, my BP was a concern, now I will also have to factor a pregnancy with a sewn stomach. Also we would be going back to square 1 baby stage and infant daycare costs. My husband doesn’t want to give the embryo up for adoption but I don’t want to destroy it either. Hence my dilemma. Anyone w similar situation or thoughts?

why would you even consider this at 47 ? im going to get flamed but it seems very selfish on any future child tbh. i'm sorry you've had problems but you have three dc already.

No way! Appreciate the children you have and enjoy your life.

I don't think that's advisable at all.

No way in hell would I have a 4th at 47.

Too risky IMHO, especially with your history

The chances of a straightforward pregnancy and birth are low I would have thought at 47

It sounds like your hormones talking!

Enjoy the 3 you already have x

Maybe there's something in the change of weather that's seen a rise in broodiness. But in your position I can categorically tell you I wouldn't and I'm usually more inclined to say go ahead in these matters.

With the others I'm afraid.

No way.

my BP was a concern, now I will also have to factor a pregnancy with a sewn stomach. Also we would be going back to square 1 baby stage and infant daycare costs.

Think you solved your own dilemma with this tbh. 47 is too old imo and you already have three DC to focus on.

You would be nearly 70 before the baby even finished uni. Sorry but it's a no from me.

@baby4ornot

Sure why not? Have a 5th baby at 50 too, and a 6th one at 55. Everyone does it.

A similar thread is running right now.

You might be interested in reading it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3602453-to-want-a-3rd-when-my-husband-doesn-t?msgid=87536761

Why not ask if there is any way it can be donated?

I have no idea if this is possible but it may ease your guilt in not giving the embryo a chance

At 47?

Honestly, I'm about as live and let live as you can get but that just seems to be borrowing trouble, for you and the little one.

It’s entirely your choice but probably a bad idea. There are medical reasons against it plus you’ve already got 3 kids you need to think of should anything happen.

Do you actually want a 4th or do you just feel guilty not using the embryo?

Your motivation seems to be about guilt towards the embryo, rather than an actual desire to have another child. You don't say anything positive about having another child but point out all the risks.

Nature has evolved so that many many pregnancies end at the embryo stage, often without women even realising they were pregnant, if that makes you feel any better.

Focus on what the embryo is (not a child, or a person, it has not feelings or thoughts) and make your decision on that - because that is what will be affected by your decision, not a hypothetical child.

Honestly I’m a big believer in people making their own choices but I also think this is ill advised

If your doctor says yes I'd say give it a go.

I wouldn't either - also have 3 and was warned by the surgeon who did my cesarean section with dc3 that scaring meant any future pregnancy would be very high risk to me.

I would never risk leaving my existing children motherless to have another baby. I'm similar age to you and wouldn't want another at this age anyway (youngest is 8) but the risk of the pregnancy makes it a non issue.

It's selfish to risk your health when you have 3 young children.

I understand where you're coming from. A little embryo left waiting.
But I couldn't let someone else use it, I think in your position I would have it destroyed. Its done then and no what ifs x

I think at your age, with 3 children already and after the difficulties you had after your last birth, it would be a pretty reckless thing to do on many levels.

I wouldn't do it.

I don't envy your position. It's easy for people to say not to do it, but I understand that guilt feeling. No one else is in your shoes. You're not wrong, no matter what decision you make. You're not right, no matter what decision you make. At this point you have enough health history to indicate that you may not come out of another pregnancy alive. If you somehow get the money together for a surrogate, then have the money for childcare when the baby is born, then maybe you can get by but it will still be hard. If you cannot afford it then maybe take a second look at embryo adoption? Perhaps you can find a couple that you can keep in touch with? I have heard of people doing this on YouTube.

Don't do it

No. Too many complications for you given your history. Would your clinic even allow it?
I can see where you are coming from and maybe you could talk to the clinic about counselling to get through the thoughts of not using the remaining embryo.