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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner driving without licence, what do I do?

144 replies

Kmb4444 · 03/06/2019 08:48

Want to say its a moral dilemma but its not as its illegal but I still find myself hesitating which I know is so wrong on all levels.
He lost his license 2 years ago for undue care & attention & leaving scene of accident (was over DD limit but not caught until later) hasn't bothered to reapply for license as it involves a medical & I think he was scared of any possible problems as he's a heavy drinker (has previous for DD & DUI).
I guess I'm worried he will think its me thats dropped him in it though god knows why as our relationship is a mess right now but this is all the more reason for him to suspect its me. We have tried all the alcohol support groups & detox but he never sticks at it & I've had enough now & he knows that.
He will undoubtedly get a sentence for this as narrowly escaped prison last time due to previous & the nature of the accident. He's been gone since yesterday afternoon in our camper van (went to buy booze whilst I was out & never returned)

I'm seriously considering making that call as I'm on edge all the time in case he causes another accident or worse.Feeling nervous, anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 03/06/2019 08:50

Do it now and hopefully he'll be sentenced and you can get rid.

Littlechocola · 03/06/2019 08:50

Call before he kills someone.

NotMaryWhitehouse · 03/06/2019 08:51

Oh op, I'm sorry to say it but you know you MUST call the police. Imagine if he hit a child, or anyone me for that matter.

I'm sorry, he's put you in an awful position and you deserve better.

wildhairdontcare · 03/06/2019 08:52

Call it in now. Hopefully he's still under the influence.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/06/2019 08:52

I would end the relationship for it I think.

Oysterbabe · 03/06/2019 08:53

Why are you with him?

wizzywig · 03/06/2019 08:53

Make the call, the consequences arent worth thinking about.

CodenameVillanelle · 03/06/2019 08:54

What on Earth are you doing still with him?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 03/06/2019 08:55

Is he ever violent when he’s been drinking? Is that what scares you about reporting him, or is it that you think it would be the final nail in the coffin? Either way, the signs are you’d be better off without him.

Fluandseptember · 03/06/2019 08:55

Please please please call the police.

HiItsClemFandango · 03/06/2019 08:56

Call the police asap, he could kill someone.

Then leave him. No way would I stick around with someone who puts other people's lives at risk like that.

Thesearmsofmine · 03/06/2019 08:56

Make the call and walk away from the relationship. When I was at primary school my friend was killed by a drunk driver. I could never be with someone who did that.

Wildorchidz · 03/06/2019 08:57

You know what you have to do.

Mishappening · 03/06/2019 08:57

Why are you with him indeed? Does he have anything at all to recommend him?

our relationship is a mess right now - you cannot have a relationship at all with someone like this.

He is thoroughly irresponsible and you deserve better.

And yes, you must report him - it might be one of my loved ones he kills.

AguerosAngel · 03/06/2019 08:58

Call it now OP.

I have a very close friend who works for the Police in the Serious Collision Incident Unit, and the carnage she sees caused by drunk/drugged drivers is horrific.

You have to report this, you really do.

floraloctopus · 03/06/2019 08:59

Who owns the car he is driving?

Quite aside from the moral obligation you have to report him there is the issue of the law - if you are letting him drive your car then you can be charged with an offence I think.

DoNotDisturbPlease · 03/06/2019 09:01

Seriously I wouldn't even hesitate to phone and report him. I would make it clear he had caused and fled scenes of accidents in the past and he is a danger on the roads. I'd then change the locks, leave him a packed bag outside and go out for the day. Cant believe you're still with him and also considering NOT reporting him.

fedup21 · 03/06/2019 09:01

I couldn’t work out what you were asking to begin with then read he was out decking despite being banned. Bloody hell. He’s an alcoholic. Why are you worried he’ll find out it’s you who rang the police-what do you think he’ll do?

fedup21 · 03/06/2019 09:02

Driving not decking

Manclife1 · 03/06/2019 09:04

Who’s car is he driving?

oneforthepain · 03/06/2019 09:05

Are you afraid he'll hurt you for reporting him?

You sound afraid of him, and whether that's of physical violence or other intimidating/nasty behaviour it's nor normal to be afraid of your partner. That you are afraid is a reflection on him not you.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

There is lots of support out there for you if you want it.

Sooverthemill · 03/06/2019 09:08

You have to report him. You can do so anonymously. You should also talk to someone about your fears because he sounds as though he might harm you. Stay safe

Original poster

Kmb4444 · 03/06/2019 09:09

Will the police be concerned with me not calling them yesterday? Is is aiding & abetting or similar if i've not done it immediately. Know I shouldn't be thinking about myself but head is all over the place.

OP posts:

ScatteredMama82 · 03/06/2019 09:12

@Kmb444 imagine he kills someone. Please put your worries aside about what the police will think, what your OH will think and report him right now.

Original poster

Kmb4444 · 03/06/2019 09:12

Sorry only just read the last few posts. The van is in my name & yes I am afraid but thats irrelevant right now. Other peoples safety is paramount, I will make the call now.

OP posts:

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