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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner driving without licence, what do I do?

144 replies

Kmb4444 · 03/06/2019 08:48

Want to say its a moral dilemma but its not as its illegal but I still find myself hesitating which I know is so wrong on all levels.
He lost his license 2 years ago for undue care & attention & leaving scene of accident (was over DD limit but not caught until later) hasn't bothered to reapply for license as it involves a medical & I think he was scared of any possible problems as he's a heavy drinker (has previous for DD & DUI).
I guess I'm worried he will think its me thats dropped him in it though god knows why as our relationship is a mess right now but this is all the more reason for him to suspect its me. We have tried all the alcohol support groups & detox but he never sticks at it & I've had enough now & he knows that.
He will undoubtedly get a sentence for this as narrowly escaped prison last time due to previous & the nature of the accident. He's been gone since yesterday afternoon in our camper van (went to buy booze whilst I was out & never returned)

I'm seriously considering making that call as I'm on edge all the time in case he causes another accident or worse.Feeling nervous, anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 03/06/2019 09:52

It's TWOCs isn't is? Taking without owners consent?
Source: Police Interceptors.

Isatis · 03/06/2019 09:53

No license = No insurance = No 3rd party claim if he hits someone = An innocent persons life changed or ended with no compensation

Not so - that is what the Motor Insurers' Bureau is for. Not that that makes it any better, I'm sure potential victims would rather not be hit, compensation or not.

ISayWhatNow · 03/06/2019 09:53

Op - I had to do something very similar. There was a man at our (v small) local who consistently drove whilst over the limit. No one else batted an eyelid. I had a debate with myself because - like you - I was afraid of getting into trouble for not reporting sooner and I also knew that it was pretty certain that he would know it was me. I spoke to the police on 101 and they said to wait until he was actually driving over the limit and then call 999.

I did exactly that and he was arrested a couple of miles down the road. Unbeknown to me he also had a conviction for causing death by dangerous driving and he got 2 years in prison.

I was pretty much barred from the local after that but I don't care a jot!

ISayWhatNow · 03/06/2019 09:55

Also - if he uses the van regularly with her permission then there's implied consent (quite reasonably).

Serenity45 · 03/06/2019 09:57

It sounds like you've been going through an incredibly difficult time for a long long time now, so it will make it difficult to think straight.

However, you have posted on here for a reason and have resoundingly been told that you need to report him. Please take this advice, even if you don't manage to do anything else right now. If he kills or injures someone you will live with that on your conscience forever. He is a criminal and he is putting people's lives at risk. The police will be FAR more concerned with his actions than your understandable fear.

I really hope you will be able to update us when you've reported him so we can all breathe a sigh of relief that a dangerous, drunk driver is off the roads.

pudcat · 03/06/2019 10:01

OP said in a later post van was in her name.

Goldmandra · 03/06/2019 10:02

Our friend's child was in an induce coma for weeks and had a broken neck after being hit by a drunk driver. It turned out that half the village knew he was drink driving every day.

They could have stopped him at any time.

2beautifulbabs · 03/06/2019 10:13

Report I would do it I couldn't live with myself if someone I knew was doing that and possibly end up killing some poor innocent bystander please report him

HJWT · 03/06/2019 10:20

@Kmb4444 ring the police and give them the reg they will look out for it and pull him over, give it anonymous x

RaptorWhiskers · 03/06/2019 10:23

Who owns the camper van? If it’s yours, what will you do if he gets a speeding ticket? They’ll think you were driving because obviously he has no licence! What if he has an accident? He’s not insured because he has no licence - will you falsely claim you were driving so the insurance will cover it? Even a minor incident will be a nightmare to sort out and you’ll be implicated in his crime.

CanuckBC · 03/06/2019 10:32

I hope you report him. He is probably DD and DUI with your camper van. Perfect vehicle to do it with! Have a good night out, sleep or only marginally off then drive the next morning still pissed as a newt🤪.

Morally and ethically you need to report him, please. Get him off the road, he is a menace on the roads with a bigger vehicle, most likely not if ever sober. Get your keys back and kick him out /leave.

BlueSkiesLies · 03/06/2019 10:34

How can you stay in a relationship with such a morally and person? He’s probably going to kill someone with his repeated drunk driving.

Desmondo2016 · 03/06/2019 10:38

OP police officer here.

Phone it in, No one will give two hoots as to why you didn't report it sooner.

Also, start the ending of the relationship. He's a loser and you need out!

HollowTalk · 03/06/2019 10:39

I would tell the police that there's domestic violence and that it's important he's not told that you reported him.

ChocChocButtons · 03/06/2019 10:40

Ring the police and I then dump him.

stucknoue · 03/06/2019 10:40

Call now, he could kill someone. A camper is a big vehicle too

LuluBellaBlue · 03/06/2019 10:42

Hope nothing has happened OP. Well done for doing the right thing

TheRedBarrows · 03/06/2019 10:44

OP, you say partner, so I am assuming not married? And the van is in your name so owned by you and not a joint asset / asset of a marriage ?

Report it taken without consent to the police and the insurance co.

Disappeared in the camper van: has he left you?

In any case he sounds terrible in every respect and your life will be much better without him.

I hope van is returned without anyone being injured.

Figgygal · 03/06/2019 10:46

Report him end the relationship and move on with your life

SoupDragon · 03/06/2019 10:51

Report him end the relationship and move on with your life

Absolutely this.

I'm glad you've said you're going to make the call.

MrsSpenserGregson · 03/06/2019 10:52

Yes OP, I was in a similar situation years ago - my grandfather was an alcoholic who drank a bottle of whisky a day and still drove his car. Family members enabled him. I finally snapped, called the police, told them exactly where grandfather was going to be getting into his car (the British Legion where he started the day off with a few beers every day) and they turned up to meet him.

He didn't get sent to prison because he was elderly, wasn't actually driving the car when they got him, and he'd never had an accident thank goodness, but he was banned from driving. THANK GOD.

It caused a huge family rift but I stood my ground and everyone finally realised that it had been the right thing to do.

Your partner has already caused accidents and been prosecuted for drunk driving - he isn't going to change. Report him now. Save us all from being his next victim.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/06/2019 10:53

As with everyone else; yes, you have to report this. It will probably end your relationship too (but that doesn't sound like much of a loss to be honest.)

He sounds like a selfish, dangerous man who need to take some responsibility for his actions. I very much doubt it will happen though and it will be 'your fault' not his. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

MrsSpenserGregson · 03/06/2019 10:53

Oh sorry, the thread was moving fast and I hadn't seen your update when I posted. Well done OP, it is the right decision. x

IrishGal21 · 03/06/2019 11:02

Well done....I would be very nervous every time he went out esp in my car...anyway, let us know what happens....should get a lifetime ban, but they are always too lenient

Beautiful3 · 03/06/2019 11:15

Please call the police before he ends up killing someone. Imagine if it were a child? Do the right thing.

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