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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner driving without licence, what do I do?

144 replies

Kmb4444 · 03/06/2019 08:48

Want to say its a moral dilemma but its not as its illegal but I still find myself hesitating which I know is so wrong on all levels.
He lost his license 2 years ago for undue care & attention & leaving scene of accident (was over DD limit but not caught until later) hasn't bothered to reapply for license as it involves a medical & I think he was scared of any possible problems as he's a heavy drinker (has previous for DD & DUI).
I guess I'm worried he will think its me thats dropped him in it though god knows why as our relationship is a mess right now but this is all the more reason for him to suspect its me. We have tried all the alcohol support groups & detox but he never sticks at it & I've had enough now & he knows that.
He will undoubtedly get a sentence for this as narrowly escaped prison last time due to previous & the nature of the accident. He's been gone since yesterday afternoon in our camper van (went to buy booze whilst I was out & never returned)

I'm seriously considering making that call as I'm on edge all the time in case he causes another accident or worse.Feeling nervous, anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
Thehop · 03/06/2019 09:12

Dh is a recently ex policeman and says you won’t be in trouble for not reporting immediately and to call 101 to talk to them.

ScatteredMama82 · 03/06/2019 09:13

@Kmb4444 well done for making the brave decision. Good luck, we're here for you - let us know how you get on xx

RubberTreePlant · 03/06/2019 09:13

No. They aren't going to vive hou hard time over a short delay. Do it today, though.

Tinkobell · 03/06/2019 09:15

No license = No insurance = No 3rd party claim if he hits someone = An innocent persons life changed or ended with no compensation for his wreckless behaviour. This person could be a child, a mum who cares for a family or a breadwinner. Selfish. Call the police.

floraloctopus · 03/06/2019 09:16

Good job OP.

Manclife1 · 03/06/2019 09:17

You need to stop him driving a vehicle registered to you and no doubt insured to you as well. By letting him drive you are committing criminal offences as well and if he kills someone those offences could result in jail time. Whilst the police can stop him when he’s driving it’s YOUR legal responsibility to stop him driving in the first place. I know you’re in a difficult spot but that’s the legal position and one which you can not ignore.

DoNotDisturbPlease · 03/06/2019 09:18

Good woman OP. Let us know the outcome. You are being very brave x

Comefromaway · 03/06/2019 09:18

You absolutely must report him. Imagine how you would feel if he killed someone.

Runorforgive · 03/06/2019 09:19

Also report the van as stolen by him as he then clearly hasn’t had your permission to drive it.

UmpetyLumpety · 03/06/2019 09:19

Hope you've rung by now, but if you haven't, and don't want to ring 101, you could ring Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

It's hard, but you know it's the right thing to do, good on you for standing up to him. Now it's time to also find the strength leave him. All the best to you.

PinaColadaPlease · 03/06/2019 09:19

Well done for reporting him. Drink drivers destroy families, sometimes not just their own.

XXVaginaAndAUterus · 03/06/2019 09:20

Thank you for reporting him. Imagine if you were the young mum who got life changing injuries and whose child was killed as a result of his actions. Sad

MamaOfBothTeams · 03/06/2019 09:20

Glad you are making the call Op, he could ruin a lot of lives

daisychain01 · 03/06/2019 09:21

So you're with someone who's a murderer in the making, who is prepared to leave the scene of an accident that he caused. And you're condoning his law breaking by letting him use your vehicle when you're in full knowledge of the facts, that he doesn't have a license.

Words fail me OP, Its good you're making the call, but please finish the relationship. How can you even be in the same room as him? Have some self respect!

pudcat · 03/06/2019 09:25

i hope you have made the call and reported the van as stolen as well. He may already have had an accident unfortunately. You may get a fine and points for not reporting the van missing yesterday, but if you don't report you will be in worse trouble.

MsWarrensProfession · 03/06/2019 09:25

I agree with everyone else, but have one slight correction to tinkobell’s post: if he hit someone then either your insurers or the MIB would pay them compensation, (and might then sue him to recover whatever money was available).

ColdToesHere · 03/06/2019 09:25

DaisyChain01. That's not helpful.
She knows, she needs support not sneering.

MRex · 03/06/2019 09:30

It's better to do the right thing late than not to do it at all. His behaviour isn't your fault OP, let the police know.

Nicknacky · 03/06/2019 09:32

The op has said nothing about him stealing the van unless I missed it.

Runorforgive · 03/06/2019 09:35

He took it when she was out without her knowledge and doesn’t have her permission to drive it, Nicknacky. I’m pretty sure that if you got the legal definition of theft it would tick most of the criteria.

pudcat · 03/06/2019 09:37

The op has said nothing about him stealing the van unless I missed it.
OP said he took the van while she was out. So he took it without consent.

daisychain01 · 03/06/2019 09:38

She knows, she needs support not sneering

I'm definitely not sneering! I'm being really factual about this. She's in a relationship with a drink driver who could kill someone in her vehicle that's seriously low on the self esteem stakes. I'm telling her she deserves way way more than being dragged down by low life.

Try the Freedom Program OP, it will open your eyes.

SlothMama · 03/06/2019 09:41

My FIL used to drive his now ex partners car unlicensed all of the time. Eventually he took it without her knowing and crashed it, her insurance refused to pay out unless she reported him for taking without consent. Which she didn't want to do, she also narrowly avoided getting in trouble with the police for allowing him to drive her vehicle unlicensed.

OP it's time you call the police and report him before he kills someone.

Likeamobvie · 03/06/2019 09:44

Well done op. I hope no one is hurt.

DerelictWreck · 03/06/2019 09:45

The op has said nothing about him stealing the van unless I missed it.
OP said he took the van while she was out. So he took it without consent.

She also said our van, so he didn't need consent.

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