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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner driving without licence, what do I do?

144 replies

Kmb4444 · 03/06/2019 08:48

Want to say its a moral dilemma but its not as its illegal but I still find myself hesitating which I know is so wrong on all levels.
He lost his license 2 years ago for undue care & attention & leaving scene of accident (was over DD limit but not caught until later) hasn't bothered to reapply for license as it involves a medical & I think he was scared of any possible problems as he's a heavy drinker (has previous for DD & DUI).
I guess I'm worried he will think its me thats dropped him in it though god knows why as our relationship is a mess right now but this is all the more reason for him to suspect its me. We have tried all the alcohol support groups & detox but he never sticks at it & I've had enough now & he knows that.
He will undoubtedly get a sentence for this as narrowly escaped prison last time due to previous & the nature of the accident. He's been gone since yesterday afternoon in our camper van (went to buy booze whilst I was out & never returned)

I'm seriously considering making that call as I'm on edge all the time in case he causes another accident or worse.Feeling nervous, anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kmb4444 · 03/06/2019 11:31

I have reported him earlier this morning, thanks for all your messages of support. I do not however have low self esteem, I have my own successful business & a lovely family.
I have however made the mistake of staying too long with a man who over time has had certain things to cope with & now has serious issues. No matter what support myself & his family have given him he is choosing not to accept our help & neither is he prepared to take responsibility for his choices or face up to his demons. Anyone who's lived with an alcoholic will know how hard it is & how difficult it can be to leave someone with this awful illness but unless they help themselves then its a loosing battle.
He was not this person when we first met but hey thats life, things change, people change & I shall move forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kmb4444 · 03/06/2019 11:37

Desmondo2016
How will I know if & when he's been caught? Ive given them places I think he could be & details of cash withdrawals etc. Will my van be impounded? Thanks for your advice.

OP posts:
Rainbowshine · 03/06/2019 11:38

I’m sure it was a tough thing reporting him but it is the right thing to do. You should be proud of being strong enough to have tried supporting him and also recognising that his continued behaviour means you need to end the relationship. It’s up to him now to use this as a wake up call or to just continue as he has been.

PurpleWithRed · 03/06/2019 11:39

That's amazing Kmb444 on every front - you deserve the very best Flowers

LagunaBubbles · 03/06/2019 11:42

That's good you reported him

ilikemethewayiam · 03/06/2019 11:48

Well done OP, I know, despite it being the right thing to do, I’m sure this was a difficult call for you to make. It took courage. A friend of mine was in the same situation as you and had to make that call. He was jailed but he did turn his life around when he got out. In the end he admitted it did him a favour.

Jaxhog · 03/06/2019 11:55

Well done OP, that can't have been easy. Now, whether he is caught or not, you have to extract him from your lives. Good luck.

ceirrno · 03/06/2019 11:56

It's I,portant that you make sure the police know you did NOT consent to him taking the vehicle too xxx

HopefullyAnonymous · 03/06/2019 12:03

With traffic offences there is use/cause/permit which applies. You can be culpable if you have allowed him to use the vehicle without a license. You will need to make it very clear that he did not have permission to use the vehicle, obviously this will lead to him being investigated and possibly charged for taking without owners consent as well as any other offences (being over the prescribed limit/driving without a license). It’s a difficult position to be in but you have done the right thing. I wouldn’t want it on my conscience if he killed someone.

Desmondo2016 · 03/06/2019 12:04

Wow OP I'm really impressed. Well done. Normally they probably wouldn't update an informant in this situation however you definitely have a right to NOT have your van impounded so make sure they are aware that you will collect the van and that you are legal to do so etc, and ask them to let you know if they find it. It largely depends on whether they're running it off a 'live log' or if they have submitted it as intelligence. Did they give you a log number?

Original poster
Kmb4444 · 03/06/2019 12:16

Desmondo2016
They did not give me a log no. Said they were going to put this info out to all vehicles in the area & that my info would remain anonymous. I guess they will know the vehicle is in my name & inform me in due course.

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 03/06/2019 12:38

I'd like to say that they will phone you but in all honesty it's equally likely to be seized from the roadside if he's driving no insurance and no licence. If you find out an exact location of where he is at any point, phone it in again so they can act on it there and then. Presumably he's not on the insurance either so you could report it as Taken Without Consent which would ramp up the approach a bit and ensure you're kept in the loop, but obviously he will know that you have reported it if you do that.

Hopefully they will have put an info marker linked to the vehicle on PNC so if he gets pinged by an ANPR camera it should get an immediate response. Have you also told them he's likely to be drink driving?

TrixieFranklin · 03/06/2019 12:42

You're doing the right thing. Thank you.

Mymycherrypie · 03/06/2019 12:46

What an absolute bastard. Well done OP. It doesn’t sound like it will stop him though. Lawless dogs like this keep on going until they’ve killed themselves or been imprisoned for killing someone else.

AdoreTheBeach · 03/06/2019 12:58

OP,it’s a tough thing you’re doing, I’m sure you feel conflicted with going to the police but it’s justified by his actions. You’re ensuring no one else is hurt by his drunk driving, driving without due care/attention etc - all things he lost his licence for. You’re also not enabling him. To do nothing would be enabling.

Please don’t feel bad or guilty. He is doing wrong. You’re right to report him. 💐

Gingerkittykat · 03/06/2019 13:26

www.gov.uk/alcohol-problems-and-driving

He wouldn't get a license with a declared alcohol problem.

Be wary about your van being impounded and you needing to pay to get it out again.

Owlbert · 03/06/2019 13:28

Well done OP you have made the right decision, it must have been hard but it also means if anything happens while he is driving you did everything you could and non of it would be your fault Flowers

IrishGal21 · 03/06/2019 14:03

Just take the keys off him.

SavingSpaces2019 · 03/06/2019 14:06

if they seize the car you're going to have to pay to get it returned.
if he has an accident and hurts/kills anyone - your insurance/you will be liable.
Let's hope you don't have to pay the price for enabling him all this time.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/06/2019 14:13

She didn't enable him. He took the van without asking and she's reported him to the police.

Manclife1 · 03/06/2019 14:16

@Kmb4444 if he’s stopped by police your vehicle will be seized and it will cost you around £200 to get it back. As I said earlier you’re also at risk of being prosecuted for allowing him to drive without a license and a separate offence of allowing him to drive without insurance. If pursued that would be another few hundred pounds in fines, court cost and here’s the kicker..points on YOUR licence.

I’d suggest you’ve read something on MN about it and you don’t want to risk your license, increased insurance premiums and worst case scenario a jail sentence so he’s no longer to drive your vehicle. If he takes it without permission then you’re no longer liable and he’s committed even more offences.

Mitzimaybe · 03/06/2019 14:19

Well done; it can't have been easy for you. I hope that things get resolved as well as possible for you. You've done the right thing.

Apolloanddaphne · 03/06/2019 14:30

Well done OP. You have done the right thing.

Lovethetimeyouhave · 03/06/2019 15:42

Well done OP, have you heard anything

TheViceOfReason · 03/06/2019 16:20

Well done OP.

Be prepared that you may have to press charges against him for taking the van without your consent in order to protect your own interests.