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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL taken £30k withdrew money as mum was dying

174 replies

Apolloboy · 02/06/2019 18:38

MIL admitted to hospital palliative care & died. My alcoholic BIL withdrew via bank transfer to his account £30k from her account just before she passed. He says that she agreed this! Whilst she WAS coherent I don’t believe that...I don’t believe she would favour him... he was caught stealing £18k from her before via bank transfers & at her request we helped her change her accounts... she was very generous to her 3 dgc ( two of his & one ours). Her will reads half each to both sons.
She & I had many conversations regarding how she wanted her grandchildren to use her inheritance on property ladder/university fees.
He says it’s his word against ours & nothing we can do as she was ALIVE at the time he took it. Callous & causing added pain... trying hard to organise celebration of her life but his behaviour is causing chaos.
What can we do legally?

OP posts:
OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 02/06/2019 19:05

Isn't it illegal to withdraw money from somebody's account without their permission?
He is maintaining that he had permission. How to prove that either way could be difficult.

needmorespace · 02/06/2019 19:06

I think what he has done is despicable but how can you now prove that his mother knew nothing about it?

Namechangeishard · 02/06/2019 19:06

Definately police and contact the bank. If she was in hospital then he has fraudulently used he account.

Fairenuff · 02/06/2019 19:09

Call the police, let them investigate. Is that not obvious?

Original poster
Apolloboy · 02/06/2019 19:10

No power of attorney... she was fully mentally capable & just a lovely mum who was completely unaware of how low this son would go...little cash left now & house sale will be through the solicitors.. husband & brother executors!

OP posts:
NicoAndTheNiners · 02/06/2019 19:12

Dh had similar and it was his aunt who took the money from her mother. Because dh's dad had already passed the will was supposed to be split between dh and his aunt.

It was nearly 30k but taken out over a period of years. I think dh's gran was worried about inheritance tax so was passing a few thousand every year over to her daughter but saying to her and dh that the money was to be split after she died. But nothing written down so it couldn't be proven. Dh never involved the police.

How someone could do that to her own mother and to the son of her dead brother I don't know! Of course it killed any relationship between that side if the family.

abbiecloud · 02/06/2019 19:12

Get onto the police, do not let him get away with this

DerelictWreck · 02/06/2019 19:14

There's a lot of incorrect advice on here. OP if he did not have power of attorney then a) it's theft but b) how did he manage it without?

Given that there will more more through the house-sale, one option would be to just pretend it was agreed and give him £30k less from the final settlement. If he's going to contest that then you need proper legal advice, and would be better off reporting this now so you have a record. Otherwise it might look like your husband is only objecting after the fact.

In terms of the advice above about gifts before death being part of the estate, this is true but will only have impact if your MiL was over the inheritance tax threshold. They don't need to be paid back as suggested, but BiL's 'share' would be eligible for tax. However this comes off the whole estate in probate and so wouldn't affect BiL.

Hope some of that makes sense but suggest that you find out how he got access to her accounts, because he could take more, and seek legal advice so that all this can be handled properly.

CalmdownJanet · 02/06/2019 19:17

Definitely call the police, even if you never get a penny back still call them because the smug thieving prick deserves it

Fairenuff · 02/06/2019 19:18

He doesn't have a leg to stand on and he knows it. It's theft. Call the police.

RomanyQueen1 · 02/06/2019 19:19

I would definitely inform the Police, it's fraud, but whether it could be proven. He must have her details, did he steal these too?

swingofthings · 02/06/2019 19:19

Did you find out going through her accounts or did he actually come forward to tell you before being challenged?

UrsulaPandress · 02/06/2019 19:21

Tell him you will call the police unless he agrees to have the money he has taken included in the final pot before divvying up.

Original poster
Apolloboy · 02/06/2019 19:23

The relationship is fractured from the last lot of money stolen... mum was 84 & unhealthy in enabling the son... alcohol purposefully kept in the cupboard... white lightning cider not something she or my lovely father in law would ever have had in the house normally but she didn’t want him on the street drinking... he did anyway. His partner & two sons dragged down by his way of life but again enabling... all want change to ‘happen’ but he doesn’t.
Been to the house tonight & it’s stripped of the three China sets, her shoes & coats! Clothing expensive... husband laughed 1st time in weeks I’m sure he was thinking cross dressing... I thought EBay. This is truly a hot mess. Husband says ‘let him get on with himself’ his conscience his responsibility.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2019 19:26

You 100% need to report this to the police.

Original poster
Apolloboy · 02/06/2019 19:26

He managed to do the transfer by knowing her personal details & bank transfer using her mobile phone as a contact to confirm her details & agree the transfer. Bank statements/cards were at home in her drawer whilst she was in hospital.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2019 19:28

You can't do anything legally until you file a police report. Do it immediately.

justasking111 · 02/06/2019 19:29

You have to go to the police or you are a party to fraud, he could turn round and say he split it with you!!

isthatabloborwhat · 02/06/2019 19:29

If he didn't have Power of Attorney, then as others say, absolutely call the police.

TanMateix · 02/06/2019 19:30

Does he has Lasting Power of Attorney? If not, he is in deep trouble. Call the police.

PerfectPeony2 · 02/06/2019 19:31

Have you registered the bereavement with the bank? Get a copy of the statements to show the transfer. If it’s done through online banking (depending on who she was with) it will have been authorised using a card reader/ text - do you think he would have done this for her or bullied her into it?

Get legal advice and hopefully you can deduct this from the sale of the house.

What an awful man.

HappyHammy · 02/06/2019 19:31

The police and bank fraud department will have to be told. You have proof she was in hospital at the time and the staff may be able to confirm she was not involved. I would seek legal advice about getting the house secure and removing him as an executor.

zippey · 02/06/2019 19:31

Police is your first port of call.

Original poster
Apolloboy · 02/06/2019 19:32

Husband also access to accounts... statement from bank two days after death show withdrawal... asked him about this & he said he took it mum said he could.
All a bit fraught at the moment & police not something the family would do... Mum never wanted to call them the last time. I’m of the opinion that police involvement would maybe involve other services...detox? Mental health services? But husband of the thinking that teenage sons don’t need the added shame. What a fucking predicament... could happen to anyone... beware

OP posts:
PerfectPeony2 · 02/06/2019 19:32

Just seen your update. Yes this is fraud. Contact her bank as they may be able to recall the payment and talk to a solicitor/ police.

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