to think my friend's opinion is pearl clutching at its finest?!

[sabeeena]

My best friend, let's call her Laura has been single for 3 years. She is in her early 30s. She has recently downloaded Tinder as a means to meet people for casual sex, no strings attached. Laura is a very successful business woman, owns her own house, has no money worries, is very attractive etc.

Laura has always been very open about her love of casual sex and would often tell us about her one night stands.

Our other best friend, lets call her Fiona, always asks for gossip about her dating life (both single mums, so we're interested in carefree stories!!). Laura told us that she was speaking to a man on Tinder and arranging to meet with the purpose of having sex - she has done this numerous times before.

This time, Laura suggested to the man they get a hotel in the city that she lives because:

1. She doesn't want him in her house
2. She doesn't want to be stranded in a city if something goes wrong.

Fiona reacts with "i can't believe you are meeting a guy for sex in a hotel room!! it's so dangerous! it's so cheap!" etc.

Laura explains:

1. It's safer than one night stands were you go back to a guy's house and NO ONE knows where you are, you don't know where you are, and there is no one else around to get help from
2. It's safer than him coming to hers because he might not leave, or similarly harm her in some way with no one else around.
3. The whole point is that she wants to have sex, so she doesn't care what it seems like,

I wouldn't do it myself, but then I've never had a one night stand, but listening to her speak, I am inclined to agree that it is safer than a one night stand in yours or theirs house...

Fiona says it's stupid, but Laura pointed out that Fiona when we were younger got into a man's car after a night out and drove for about an hour to get to his house to have sex ... why's this LESS safe than that?!

Who is BU?

Yes when you have women who have genuinely convinced themselves that “sex is just sex”

Well yes. I believe sex is just sex because for me it is. I haven’t “convinced” myself of anything.

If you don’t want casual sex, totally valid choice. It doesn’t mean you’re womaning better!

Any dimwit on-line will do because we're so liberated. No need to be fussy these days

Why do you think this is what happens.

As I said, if I stop things with the FWB, I will arrange stuff online.

Are you under the impression that casual hookups are legally binding. You don’t have to go through with it unless you want to!

I didn’t think it would be a tricky concept!

Well I’ve no idea Jacques to be honest. But it sounds a bit pointless to me. I couldn’t be bothered leaving the house. Personally, if nerfs must, I’d rather use my imagination and DIY than deal with random drongos on the internet. To me, if I can’t be bothered to get to know a man, then I definitely can’t be bothered to show up and have sex with him!

needs not “nerfs”

Well I’ve no idea Jacques to be honest. But it sounds a bit pointless to me. I couldn’t be bothered leaving the house. Personally, if nerfs must, I’d rather use my imagination and DIY than deal with random drongos on the internet. To me, if I can’t be bothered to get to know a man, then I definitely can’t be bothered to show up and have sex with him!

So it’s almost like we’re all different.....?

Yes, fair enough, we are all different. I’m only attracted to probably about 2-5% of British men because I have a very specific type and even then, I need a certain standard of behaviour from them as well or I just can’t get interested.

Wow, you know you're getting old when going out on the pull is considered an old fashioned thing to do!

What happened to the good old days of spending your Saturday going shopping for a new outfit, getting dressed up, standing around in clubs eyeing up blokes...best days ever!

So pleased I'm not dating nowadays!

What happened to the good old days of spending your Saturday going shopping for a new outfit, getting dressed up, standing around in clubs eyeing up blokes...best days ever!

I never did that! My idea of utter hell whether I was 16, 18 or now!

So pleased I'm not dating nowadays!

I'm just pleased I'm not dating full stop

"Fiona says it's stupid, but Laura pointed out that Fiona when we were younger got into a man's car after a night out and drove for about an hour to get to his house to have sex ... why's this LESS safe than that?! "

it's not less safe than that.

I can see that not meeting in Laura's home is sensible but nothing is 100% safe.

actually this thread reminded me that when I was a lot younger, I began to find it a real burden to keep an eye on mates who would get painfully drunk....if you then put them in a cab and didn't get a text when they got home, you'd have to assume they fell asleep really. I didn't want drunk throwing up friends in my flat, they often just wanted their own bed etc so it just became "ach, you're an adult, take responsibility".

so I'm really glad no one ever said "I'm going to have sex in xyz place, can I WhatsApp my location and you check I'm safe". I would have just said no I guess.

A girl was recently murdered by her one night stand in a hotel close to me. Casual sex can be risky anywhere. But on balance I guess it’s still better than in your home.

Funnily enough nightclubs are still running in my city, seems no shortage of people going out on the pull still... Have they all closed in your town, formerbabe? Pubs and clubs all shut their doors, no gigs, no open mic nights, no people tottering across the streets throwing up and eating kebabs late at night in your area?

Take me back to the good old days of yore - circa 1995 or thereabouts. When men actually managed to galvanise themselves to ask you via the medium of speech to go on a date, with no expectation of sex, and meanwhile, they weren’t swiping Tinder to see if there was a better offer in the club nextdoor.

What happened to the good old days of spending your Saturday going shopping for a new outfit, getting dressed up, standing around in clubs eyeing up blokes

Ah the good old days It used to be so much fun. I was doing this in the late 80's early 90's and it was the highlight of the week. Swiping profiles just isn't the same. I also feel there were far less expectations placed on women in those days. No major pressure to look a certain way, or perform certain sex acts! No requests to swap intimate pics beforehand! Men were just grateful if they got some action

When I was OLD I was amazed how many men would ask intimate questions as to how I was groomed intimately or what I would do sexually before we even agreed to meet! I would always say to them "if you'd just met me in a bar instead, would you ask me that question to my face?" and most would sheepishly reply "no". Maybe I'm just old but I don't like the direction dating has taken. I don't think it's "empowering" to women. If I wanted casual sex back in the 80s it was still easy enough to get. And yes, I did partake on a few occasions! But I think that what has been dressed up as women's empowerment has led to men having a much greater sense of entitlement when it comes to sex.

Take me back to the good old days of yore - circa 1995 or thereabouts

Aaaaaah. Before my dating time

Getting dressed up with the purpose of standing in a club eyeing up men would feel seedy to me. (Note, this isn't a judgement on people who prefer that method of selecting a partner - just doesn't work for me!)

Which yet again reinforces everyone's individuality.

I do think sex and dating are two very different animals though!

But clubbing still exists! People still do it, I know this for a fact.

Do you people not have teenagers?

Or ever happen to out late in a town on a Saturday night?

Why are you talking as if no-one ever goes out any more. Of course they do. Strangely enough you can have both Tinder and nightclubs in the same world.

Do you people not have teenagers?

Not quite!

I'm quite sure she'll want to go clubbing, although at the moment she's in her "don't really see the point of relationships with men" feelings so....who knows

There’s definitely a difference between dating (and wanting a partner) to wanting sex. People can stop decrying the state of the dating scene because this isn’t what this thread is about. Neither is it about the individual sexual acts that women or men choose to engage in. And quite frankly I don’t give 2 shits what anyone else thinks is feminist or otherwise about the acts that I choose to engage in. I’m not battling against one set of restrictions just to be shackled by someone else’s. The OPs friend needs to be careful as we all do.

It seems a little risky to me, although I do appreciate meeting people online now I'd very common. I've had to call reception twice staying at nice hotels as I've heard someone clearly being assaulted (although one of these was pre-tinder and I wouldn't know whether the instances were casual hook-ups or not admittedly).

Clubbing is all about the dancing and music now though. Yes, I realise that this is what clubs should be about! But it is very different to years ago when there was no internet. My DD goes out clubbing and she, and all her friends, aren't really interested in meeting guys on these nights out. Yet they all have tinder on their phones!

In 1995 I was about 19 and at uni. Come to think of it, I don’t think any of us had mobile phones. Imagine!
Things have changed so much, but I’m so glad I missed Tinder etc.

A friend of DH back in the day would hit a nightclub walk up to women and say do you f*ck. Most of the time he was turned down sometimes with a slap but he reckoned he never had to ask more than ten times before he got a hit.

Eventually all his friends were married so he was left with the one girl that clung on no matter what he did so he married her. Was rewarding that she spent the next few decades making his life hell.

In 1995 I was about 19 and at uni

I hadn't got as far as GCSEs

Yes Jacques - this is one of those times when I feel ancient.
At the risk of sounding like your grandmother, I don’t think DH and I had sex for a couple of months He didn’t mind. He always took me home - no pressure or expectation. He was worth it. These days, a man would probably accuse you of being a frigid religious fanatic if he’d put himself out to actually buy you dinner and you weren’t up for more. This is what I mean by the gormless wonders of society and it’s not a positive development. They seem to think they’re doing women a great favour if they go so far as to buy them a drink.

Clubbing is all about the dancing and music now though

Maybe that's what they're telling you . My teenager goes out clubbing and pulling is still part of what goes on. They dance, they have parties, they get up to stuff I don't want to know too much about and add the people they met to their social media the next day.