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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 25 too young

131 replies

Bonnie1993 · 01/06/2019 20:20

Based on you experiances do you feel being 25 with a 32yr old dp. Two dc aged 3 and 4. And two step kids 11 and 9. Is too much responsibilty for the 25yr old.
There ovbs a much bigger background story to this situation. But just in regards to the age of the mother. Would you say its an unreasonable situation to put herself in?

OP posts:
TheRealShatParp · 01/06/2019 20:21

No, 25 is fine.

fairweathercyclist · 01/06/2019 20:22

I was 23 when I met my DH who was 32. 24 years on we are still together. Though he didn't have kids (and hadn't been married before), that might have put me off.

LindsayDentonsCat · 01/06/2019 20:23

Are the 3 and 4 year olds their shared children? If so I would have thought that they may have asked themselves this question before having two children.

But no, not too young at all.

Kungfupanda67 · 01/06/2019 20:23

No, I’m 25 with 33yo husband, 3 kids together. My cousin is 22 with a 3 year old and her step son is 13, it’s an unusual dynamic but it works.

It depends on the 25yo though, I’m sure some it wouldn’t work for

AguerosAngel · 01/06/2019 20:26

If speaking about me personally being in that position, then I would say yes, too young and far too much responsibility.

I was 34 when I had (my one and only) DS(12), there was no way I was mature enough to be responsible for 4 children.

Kungfupanda67 · 01/06/2019 20:26

When I said it wouldn’t work for some 25 year olds, obviously I was only referring to the step children - but really to an 11 year old a 25 year old is a proper adult, so it would be the same step parent relationship as with a 30 year old. Her own children are irrelevant, makes no difference if you think she’s too young, they’re here now!

PookieDo · 01/06/2019 20:26

I was 25 when I had 2 DC
I had not experienced anything much and went from childhood to adulthood very fast and it overwhelmed me and I didn’t deal with very well

anothernotherone · 01/06/2019 20:29

It's a lot if all 4 children live with the couple full time.

Are the 11 and 9 year olds in the full time care of their father and 25 year old step mother? She was only 14 when her older step child was born which seems like too small an age gap to be ideal as a mother figure - more like an older sister or young aunt role IMO. Parenting 4 children of those ages is a lot at age 25.

If the older children live with their mother and just visit eow it's less problematic.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 01/06/2019 20:31

Of course it’s fine. 25 is a fully fledged adult who’s certainly old enough to make their own choices in life.

Original poster
Bonnie1993 · 01/06/2019 20:32

I agree in that it depends on the 25 year old maturity.... Just you question that the 25yr old mum would have been 14 when sd was born.... Just feel that though its a do-able situation is it tooo much responsibilty

OP posts:
Obsidian77 · 01/06/2019 20:34

No, I think it's a lot to handle.
2 kids of your own by then is full-on not to mention older step-kids.
I wouldn't pass judgement on someone in that situation but I would not have coped with that.

Isth · 01/06/2019 20:34

Well.. I’m 25, and it’s not a life I’d want. And I do feel terrible for saying it but it would be due to the stepchildren, it’d just be too much.

Isth · 01/06/2019 20:35

That is to say, I think, if it was something the 25 year old wanted, it would be doable. I could cope, but I wouldn’t particularly want to.

randomncftw · 01/06/2019 20:36

She may have been 14 when SD was born but she’s 25 now 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Bonnie1993 · 01/06/2019 20:37

50/50 childcare arrangement. Their mother is 32 also. Has only met me twice but is confident in them being in my care as dp works long hours.
@pookiedo i think the word overwhelming sums it up quite well

OP posts:
Mammylamb · 01/06/2019 20:37

Bonnie. What’s your involvement in all of this?

Dippypippy1980 · 01/06/2019 20:39

When I was 25 I was completely different to I am now. I was very career driven, worked 12 hour days at least. Travelled a lot and socialised quite a bit. While I managed a very responsible job, there is no way I was mature enough for children - I would have b peen horrified at the thought of four😳.

But everyone is different. If you are comfortable, happy and and not consumed with terror, then it must be ok

MrsBungle · 01/06/2019 20:39

It’d have been too young for me personally. I was mature but I would never have wanted all that responsibility then. Each to their own though, 25 is old enough to know for yourself what you want.

MrsTWH · 01/06/2019 20:39

I was 25 when I married my 34 year old DP. I was also 25 when we had our first DC. And he had a 16 year old DC from his first marriage. So no I think it’s fine.

anothernotherone · 01/06/2019 20:39

Bonnie although it's not a situation I'd want my DD to be in at 25 and not a situation I'd want my kids in as the step children either, unless you are the 25 year old with your own two preschoolers weighing up whether to blend families with your boyfriend, it unlikely to be your business...

25 is an adult, very clearly.

If it's you in the situation described and you've no joint children I'd say tread carefully, don't rush into blending families and moving in together, take it very slowly. It probably is full of potential pitfalls.

If it's not you though (you're the mother of the 9 and 11 year olds perhaps) then no, it doesn't sound ideal but the age alone isn't necessarily the end of the world - the dad should be responsible for his children while they're at his, not the step mum anyway.

Cryalot2 · 01/06/2019 20:40

It depends on the person .Some at 20 are more mature than others at 40 .
Age is just a number .

Pppppppp1234 · 01/06/2019 20:40

There’s 15 years between me and my DSS, when we first met I was 21 and he was 6..... I’ve parented him all the way through his teens and it’s a great balance. I’m young enough to remember what being a teen was really like, but old enough to have the maturity of a parent. Through into the mix that his mum is 15 years old than me.... so same age gap...

I was when I met him and still am in a job with a high level responsibility that requires maturity and discipline... so really it depends on the individual!

Original poster
Bonnie1993 · 01/06/2019 20:41

Im the 25 year old... Sorry was a bit vague. Just had a long half term week with 4 kids and not sure if im being out of order for thinking ive taken on too much.

OP posts:
Pppppppp1234 · 01/06/2019 20:41

And I’ve also DC of my own...

legalseagull · 01/06/2019 20:41

Not at all. 25 is an adult. You make it sound like she's some silly teenager. Doctors, solicitors etc are all handling immense responsibility at that age. They've had years with their children, presumably they're coping if they're still together. I'd be happy for her that she's got a strong family