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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask those in food service to please take requests for decaf seriously?

186 replies

EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 18:48

Ok before anyone says it, I know I could just not drink tea/coffee at all, and most of the time I don’t, but I love the taste and occasionally I really fancy a cup. And decaf exists for a reason right?

I’ve never been able to handle caffeine and it started giving me terrible headaches and migraines in my early twenties, so I gave it up for good. I can handle the small amounts in chocolate but have to be careful not to have too much (really dark chocolate especially can trigger something if I have more than a square or two) but tea/coffee/coke/Red Bull etc are completely out.

Anyway, on several occasions recently I’ve found myself ordering a decaf tea or coffee, triple checking with the person serving that it’s definitely decaf (usually getting an eye roll for doing so) and then winding up with a thumping headache an hour later anyway.

I was especially annoyed today because we ordered from a place that’s meant to be particularly good on allergens etc, and yet my ‘decaf’ coffee definitely wasn’t.

If you work in any kind of food service, AIBU to ask that you actually give someone decaf if they ask for it?!

OP posts:
Lynseyhaslett27 · 01/06/2019 23:27

I work in a coffee shop and we sell decaf tea separate packages, a customet asked me the other day 2 check see if there is caffeine i. It. I thought 2 myself obv not if its called decaf, but Yes there id CAFFEINE in decaf tea.

EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 23:32

3luckystars I just did some googling and ‘puffed wheat’ making your pee smell like coffee is apparently thing! Who knew?! Is it wrong that I kind of want to get some sugar puffs now?

sam221 I love my travel mug but hate drinking herbal tea from it! I think because it’s basically just boiling water and it stays far too hot. Hot chocolate is great in it though.

OP posts:
Stiffasaboard · 01/06/2019 23:34

I hate this too it drives me mad

I always used to ask at the end of a meal if they serve decaf and double check. I offer to have a mint tea if they don’t so they still get a sale- absolutely no reason to lie to me.

Yet about 1 in 5 occasions I would
be awake all night buzzing clearly having had a caffeinated coffee.

I mentioned this to a friend who waitresses and she said two of the places she worked at didn’t even stock decaf but claimed to and just gave normal coffee and tea. I was completely shocked tbh.
I haven’t ordered decaf since.

And as for costa etc and the sugar free syrups- I always have skinny milk and SF syrup and watch them really closely. I’d say I have to correct them about half the time as they either forget or don’t care and use the wrong type of either. Drives me mad.

PickAChew · 01/06/2019 23:34

decaff isn't on the menu in many places, though. I don't order where they don't see it as an important option. I don't order any coffee in Costa or Starbucks, though, even if I fancy an extra coffee in my day, as their coffee is universally shit.

Though what has pissed me off is that my default, bland, hot drink, Chamomile tea, suddenly became unavailable absolutely everywhere, about 3 or 4 years ago. Plenty of peppermint but that gives me excruciating heartburn.

CherryValance · 01/06/2019 23:34

I get it OP, I'm the same and have been caffeined by cafes a few times. I get heart palpitations, banging head and end up on the loo within an hour, along with what feels like an anxiety attack. It's really obvious that it's proper coffee that's done it, not just slightly more caffeinated decaf. I don't think people understand how nasty it can be. It's not just not being able to sleep a little bit later than usual.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 01/06/2019 23:35

It’s decaff though, not no caff. There’s still caffeine in decaf. Just a small(er) amount.

EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 23:35

Lynsey yes there will be a small amount as they can’t remove all of it but it’s little enough that it doesn’t trigger anything with me.

Green tea, on the other hand... a lot of people argue with me when I tell them green tea has caffeine in it. Several times I’ve asked if someone has any herbal tea and they’ve offered me green tea and then we have to have this whole back-and-forth about it where I explain that yes, it does still contain caffeine!

OP posts:
Redpostbox · 01/06/2019 23:35

I feel your pain OP. My daughter has Coeliac disease and eating out anywhere is a nightmare.

EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 23:37

I mentioned this to a friend who waitresses and she said two of the places she worked at didn’t even stock decaf but claimed to and just gave normal coffee and tea.

Bloody hell! Shock that is my worst fear realised!

OP posts:
Wannabeyorkshirelass · 01/06/2019 23:42

I also avoid caffeine (due to anxiety) and I find that if I have it now it has an even stronger effect on me as my system is just not used to it (haven't had any for about 15 years).

But I don't order decaf as I don't trust them to get it right. I have mint or camomile. It's surely not worth it just for the taste? You can have decaf at home for the odd treat if you really want (I personally don't as I find even that can have an effect).

EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 23:42

Yes BackOnceAgain that’s been covered several times Grin this is why I don’t say it’s a caffeine ‘allergy’ (which it isn’t anyway) because I don’t want to get into an argument with the barista about how decaf still has some caffeine etc. I know what my body can tolerate. A decaf latte, a hot chocolate or a bar of Galaxy = fine. A regular latte or a big bar of 70% Green and Blacks = excruciating headache, nausea and palpitations!

OP posts:
8feet12paws2fins · 01/06/2019 23:45

I think a lot of people assume that when you say you want decaf, it’s for a reason like not keeping you up or not making you go to the toilet as much as caffeinated etc or a health kick of cutting down on caffeine. I have extremely sensitive IBS and one of the things it kicks off with is caffeine, my day is written off if I have any. I was just about to finish my lunch break once and grabbed a take away decaf tea before heading back, I was halfway back to the shop and went to take a sip and as soon as my nose got near, I could smell that it wasn’t decaf! Same way as I can smell if a drink has sugar in or not. I went back and they made me a fresh DECAF tea, everyone makes mistakes so I like to think it was that but I was asked more than once what my order was Hmm

EveryDayImHustlin · 01/06/2019 23:49

I think a lot of people assume that when you say you want decaf, it’s for a reason like not keeping you up or not making you go to the toilet as much as caffeinated etc or a health kick of cutting down on caffeine.

I think so too but it depresses me that this therefore seems to mean it isn’t as important to get it right Sad

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 01/06/2019 23:53

The trouble is that there are too many attention-seeking whinyarses who claim to be 'allergic to' things (not OP but people in general.) So service staff who are usually overworked and underpaid, don't always take what they see as preciousness very seriously.

puppy23 · 02/06/2019 00:04

Only on mumsnet are you unreasonable for wanting to be given what you've ordered and paid for...

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/06/2019 00:10

my diabetic dad has been given full sugar coke instead of a diet one too.

And fucksake, if you're diabetic or otherwise needing sugar free syrup, you don't order drinks with syrup in!

Eh? Was that a response to the top comment? Why wouldn't you order a sugar-free syrup drink if you need sugar-free syrup?

I haven’t drunk fizzy pop at all for years now, but I used to be addicted to Pepsi Max (hence finally completely giving up). I wasn't fussy if they only had Diet Pepsi, Diet Coke or Coke Zero at pubs, but I’d estimate that at least 30% of bar staff would pour normal full-sugar cola of one variety, having been clearly asked for diet. Like the OP, I would have to watch them carefully to see which button they pressed on the pump, as so many would just press normal Coke/Pepsi. I tried to be discreet in watching as I'm sure it would be very annoying for the many bar staff who were capable of listening and serving the correct drink as requested, but the huge minority made it necessary to watch them. They would almost always huff too when asked kindly to swap it for the ordered drink, as if it were somehow my fault for being difficult, and very few would offer a cursory apology.

It’s all very well people complaining that customers patronise them and don’t trust them to be able to do their job, but if they don’t know whether you might be in the 30% or so who clearly can’t do their job, what else are they meant to do? Nobody would object if you didn't hear or doubted yourself and asked “Sorry, was that regular or diet/normal or decaf?”

In the end, I exploited the many diet variants to my advantage – and the fact that, although many bar staff wouldn't care about giving you sugary when you’d asked for diet, they had had it drummed into them by their bosses and suppliers that, if they sold Pepsi and you asked generically for Coke, they would need to confirm that it was indeed Pepsi and was that OK. I would ask for “A Diet Coke, please; or Diet Pepsi, or Pepsi Max or whatever you have – basically any diet cola, please!” That did usually get the message across.

Like I said, it’s a shame that you have to assume the worst when there are plenty of perfectly capable bar staff and cafe workers, but it gets beyond a joke in the end, the sheer number who don’t bother to listen. I don’t think that they’re actively thinking that they’ll ruin your day or irk you by deliberately giving you the wrong order; the problem is that so many simply don’t think at all.

People suggesting that you shouldn't order any kind of coffee/pop/milk/cake or whatever are clearly misunderstanding the basic idea of a café – it’s a place which displays a menu showing the options that they offer and you choose from those options – and you should be confident that you will be served the option(s) which you've ordered. On that principle, a 14yo should never go into a corner shop for a milkshake or a bag of crisps on the basis that the establishment also sells cigarettes and alcohol.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/06/2019 00:20

The trouble is that there are too many attention-seeking whinyarses who claim to be 'allergic to' things (not OP but people in general.) So service staff who are usually overworked and underpaid, don't always take what they see as preciousness very seriously.

Rubbish. Whatever your reason for asking clearly for a particular item, regardless of whether the more mainstream similar option isn't to your taste, doesn't fit with your health/ethical/religious needs or preferences, could make you feel a bit off, could hospitalise you or could instantly kill you - it doesn't actually matter. However overworked or underpaid they (probably) are, if they're unable to serve menu items that have been ordered, then they shouldn't be working there.

If high demand and/or lack of staff leads to a delay in serving, then so be it; but it still doesn't excuse serving the wrong order, simply because they neither listened nor double-checked or asked for clarification. They're serving staff (and I've done the job myself), not your doctor or your mother.

EveryDayImHustlin · 02/06/2019 00:22

Only on mumsnet are you unreasonable for wanting to be given what you've ordered and paid for...

You said it, not me... Grin

I do find some of the conclusions on this thread very puzzling. Like, yes, there’s decaf on the menu but YABU to order it if you actually need decaf?

And the coffee shop might also have sugar free syrup on their menu but YABU to order that if you need sugar free syrup?

Basically, stuff might be on the menu but it’s just pot luck as to whether you’ll actually get it so YABU to order anything unless you’re happy to receive something else instead Grin

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/06/2019 00:28

I mentioned this to a friend who waitresses and she said two of the places she worked at didn’t even stock decaf but claimed to and just gave normal coffee and tea.

Those businesses are operating on borrowed time. It's only a matter of time before they get found out and whacked with a huge fine, closed down or both. Do they also sell alcohol and have the same cavalier attitude to asking young people for ID? Or, worse, just falsely assure people who specifically ask that the beer is alcohol free or that the 'chicken' is actually tofu?

There's nothing at all wrong with only offering very few standard options - as long as you don't lie and claim to cater for other choices when you don't.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/06/2019 00:36

I do find some of the conclusions on this thread very puzzling. Like, yes, there’s decaf on the menu but YABU to order it if you actually need decaf?

Me too! It's like opening a clearly-signed branch of Ann Summers and then being horrified at the 'disgusting perverts' who come in and dare to ask for some of the more 'niche', 'adult' merchandise that you advertise prominently on your website!

To ask those in food service to please take requests for decaf seriously?
mouldyhousemouldylife · 02/06/2019 01:59

That is really irritating of them not to listen. If they don't have it they should say so, but they shouldn't go ahead and pretend it's decaf. That being said, if I was as sensitive as you (I am a bit but not too much) I would stick to other drinks sadly. They will keep getting it wrong.

ImNotNigel · 02/06/2019 07:30

I agree with the OP that people serving food often do not understand that certain things can make people unwell, rather than just being a vague preference .

I cannot eat gluten or caffeine. I’d say that about 25% of the time that I ask for GF options when eating out or buy Gf food, someone will ask ex if I’m “ being healthy “.

In fact this happened yesterday in Stockholm. And people assume that in Scandinavia it’s easier because Gliuten intolerance is more common in Northern European countries.

Each time I politely explain that no it’s a medical condition and if I eat gluten I will be doubled over in pain within the hour and barely able to walk.

I also explain that unless you have an allergy or intolerance, gluten free products are no more healthy than gluten containing ones. Most people would improve their diet more by eating less junk food or more vegetables or drinking less alcohol. Going GF won’t make any difference .

And to the people who say “ well stop eating / drinking out then so you don’t take the risk “ - you will be pleased to know that you mostly get your own way as that’s exactly what most people with severe allergies / food issues do.

Because as a PP said, eating out is a nightmare . Even when it goes fine, you are so stressed about becoming ill, it takes away all the pleasure.

So right now I’m on holiday and Sweden and I’m in an Air BnB so I don’t hage to face the stress of eating out 3 times a day. And worrying that my Swedish isn’t good enough and that the serving staff didn’t read the allergy sheet I gave them or show it to the chef.

Of that they are insulted or patronised ( as people have said on this thread ) .

So now I’m just off to make my packed lunch as I’m going out for the day with friends. I will sit in the cafe with them, drinking water while they have coffee and cake at 11. Then I’ll have a plain salad while they have a lovely lunch, because that way I can spot if there’s anything dubious in it. Last time I was bread croutons and you know there’s no point in sending it back because they will just pick them out and do a worse job than you will.

BUT AT LEAST I WILL NOT BE ONE OF THOSE FUCKING ANNOYING PEOPLE WHO DO THIS JUST TO ANNOY EVERYONE.

lljkk · 02/06/2019 07:38

"whacked with a huge fine, closed down or both"

What would be the punishment mechanism? Genuine question. Mis-Advertising, maybe?

It's not that I think OP is unreasonable to ask or expect. I just don't think it matters if she's U or not. The solution to her problem is not to chance it.

Bloody hell. Back of envelope calculations. Call a mug = 300 ml.
Regular Tea is ~120 mg caffeine in 300 ml.
Decaf Tea is

Stiffasaboard · 02/06/2019 07:38

To the pp who commented about the Diet Coke in pubs- same story here such that I now refuse pump drinks and will only have it from a bottle.

I sent costa my own research of n=1 on number of visits and number of times I didn’t get skim milk or SF syrup until I corrected them as they were doing it

Reply was that I need to be clear when ordering.

I can’t be any clearer- I say it twice and always always get a pissed off face in return as if I’m being a pain- then they turn round and reach for the normal syrup.

So. Bloody. Annoying.

Stiffasaboard · 02/06/2019 07:42

@llijjk

Why is it not ok to just ask for something that is on the menu and expect to get it?

OP and myself would like decaf. Regardless of all your lot calculating caffeine levels we know we want decaf and were they to actually give us the decaf that they claim to be selling we will be fine and happy.

An analysis of symptoms and caffeine levels is irrelevant. If it’s on the menu it should be available to order and receive

Same as for almond milk, skimmed milk, GF pasta or whatever else a cafe or restaurant claims to use and sell. If they offer it then they should 100% serve it when ordered

All this nonsense about if you don’t want full sugar coke you shouldn’t order a Diet Coke just in case you get full sugar. Why?