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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH never lets me have a lie in at the weekend

153 replies

bebeboeuf · 01/06/2019 08:06

It’s always been that of a weekend one of us would get a lie in each taking it in turns.

However, with DS turning 2 soon I’ve realised that it hardly ever happens for me because DH is in such a bad mood when he wakes up he wakes me up too anyway so I might as well have got up and everyone would be calmer

I’m more annoyed this weekend because last weekend we stayed with my parents and when DS would wake I quietly took him downstairs for breakfast and to play.
Saturday morning DH slept until 10am, this is an unusually long lie in for him, but he obviously needed it.

The next morning when DS woke I could hear DH getting huffy so seeing as I was at my parents house I took DS downstairs again.

Maybe I wrongly assumed that this meant that I would at least get one lie in this weekend.
I’m on my period and exhausted and feeling crabby due to the cramps.

DS woke at 6:30, DH got cross with him, tried to put him back to bed when DS didn’t want to do there was tears and then DH went downstairs and put him in front of the tv and then came back upstairs at which point he made a dig at me for not helping and then went and lied down in the other room because he was cross with me!

I didn’t know this until I went downstairs 30 minutes later to find DH having just got downstairs and I asked if DS has been downstairs alone.

I’ve now explained why I’m cross with DH and he has :

A - blames my period
B - complained I’ve made him do some DIY this weekend (DIY which I previously said we could get someone in to do but apparently that was an insult to him as he felt emasculated by the comment but still blames me for making him do it)
C - told me to go away
D - tried to apologise badly, and follows that with getting cross at me for not accepting bad apology

OP posts:
Original poster
bebeboeuf · 01/06/2019 08:08

Forgot to add

E - he felt that he was ok to have 2 lie ins last weekend because we were at my parents house and he wouldn’t want to take DS downstairs on his own.
However that still meant that when I got up to take DS downstairs he didn’t come too so that he could change a nappy or help eith breakfast.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 01/06/2019 08:08

He’s a knob. That is all.

MinervaVause · 01/06/2019 08:09

He’s a knob. That is all.

Yeah, this

Babooshkar · 01/06/2019 08:10

To be honest he sounds like a child himself. Still in denial about being a parent?

LouiseMiltonSpatula · 01/06/2019 08:12

What a horrible twat. Sorry OP ☹️ I think it’s tome for a sharp conversation to help him understand that if this continues there will be serious consequences.

AbbyHammond · 01/06/2019 08:12

It sounds like you need to stick rigidly to set days for your lie ins so your DH can't wriggle out of it. Every Sunday you get a lie in - still take it however much he huffs and puffs. Even if you don't sleep, stay in bed!

He is making it difficult in the hope you will give up and let him stay in bed - treat him like a toddler and just ignore.

Obviously you need to agree with him in a calm discussion that leaving a 2 year old unattended downstairs while he goes back to bed is unacceptable. He can lie on the sofa while DS watches TV if necessary.

Also if he behaves badly on your lie in, I wouldn't sneak down quietly on his day! If he complains about you disturbing him, point out that he does exactly the same to you.

Alicesweewonders · 01/06/2019 08:14

We do the same, a lie in each at the weekend. Your DH had his, you should have yours.

Fair is fair, he is being greedy & unreasonable. Do the same in his next 'Lie in' and see how he likes it.

Original poster
bebeboeuf · 01/06/2019 08:14

To add again!

He’s been complaining how I never cuddle him or are loving towards him and he wonders why and says he sees me be loving to DS when he is upset and why can’t I be the same to him.
It feels like I have two children.
I don’t feel loving towards him and this is why.
He’s blaming me for ruining the weekend when it’s him

OP posts:
PregnantSea · 01/06/2019 08:14

What a twat

InDubiousBattle · 01/06/2019 08:14

He's a selfish prick really isn't he? I think we'd all prefer to have a lie in at the weekend rather than get up at 6.30 but when you have little dc it's par for the course. Him not doing it is selfish and his reaction is prickish.

Robin2323 · 01/06/2019 08:15

I feel for you.
Kids can be tiring.
My first would always jump in bed with me at the weekend lol
And when no 2 came a long they'd always jump in bed with each other ha ha
Can the toddler not play in his room a bit once he's awake ?
Go in, say hello and have a cuddle then leave him safety in his room to play?
I assume you have a child gate on his bed room door ?

1Wanda1 · 01/06/2019 08:15

I had a DH like this. Would never take DS to the swing park or anywhere at weekends either, so while all my friends were out as families with their DC and DHs, or just their DHs out with the CV, I was always alone with my DC as DH needed "a rest after a hard week at work".

It ended, badly, shortly after DD arrived. In all my years as a single parent, I never felt life was more difficult than when I had also been saddled with a selfish man-child.

Bigmango · 01/06/2019 08:16

Yes to a rota. The night before after who is getting up and stick to it. By the way, we are on 5am wake ups here so 6.30 sounds like bliss!!

60secondfacetimer · 01/06/2019 08:17

Tell him you didn't expect to have two kids! My partner and I take it in turns I got up today and he'll get up tomorrow.

Original poster
bebeboeuf · 01/06/2019 08:18

I even booked and paid for DS to go to an activity on a Sunday morning that DH would take him to.

Half of those were missed (not always DH’s fault)
And the times he did go he would struggle so much to get out the door he would be in a bad mood if I didn’t help get DS sorted so I didn’t get lie ins then either.
So that’s stopped

OP posts:
Fairylea · 01/06/2019 08:18

I get so fucked off with parents getting annoyed with their kids for waking up at 6.30am ish. That’s a lie in here and a perfectly normal time for a small child to be waking up!

He sounds like an absolute arse.

WoollyMummoth · 01/06/2019 08:19

He’s a bigger baby than your 2 year old. You need to make it very clear that his behaviour is not acceptable, fair or that of a responsive parent. Don’t fall into the habit of doing everything just because he has a toddler tantrum when it’s his turn. Call him out everytime, even if your not asleep, stay in bed with a book or magazine,if you know he’s left dc on his own pick him up and hand him back to dh then get back into bed. He might eventually realise he can’t carry on acting like a stroppy toddler.

Iamgoingtobehonestwithyou · 01/06/2019 08:19

He is taking advantage. Why do you think he huffs and puffs? It's because he knows that will provoke something in you that will make want to take over, sort it out, help him out. He is not in distress, he is playing you.

I have the same set up re lie-ins. My partners "trick" is to leave the bedroom door open when it's his day to get up with DC. What's the first thing DC does? Runs in the room and I have to get up as I can't bare the crying and sadness.

When confronted he always denys leaving the door open is a ploy. So my suggestion was that he sleeps on the couch so that I can't be accidentally disturbed. (He hasn't yet stayed on the couch but the door has never been left open since).

The hardest thing I had to let go of when dealing with this situation was the control. I would worry he hasn't changed DC nappy, has he sorted breakfast? Etc? All of those elements make me think that I should forget the live-in and put DC first. But then I thought no! Parenting is 50 / 50. He needs to learn and I need to sleep.

Another point I can relate to... my lie in would be an extra hour or so. So up at 08:30am the latest (feel guilty on them) on his day, he stays in bed till 10am -11am.

Teddybear45 · 01/06/2019 08:20

6:30 wake ups are the problem. I personally would be trying to adjust DS’ sleep schedule so he wakes up later.

AbbyHammond · 01/06/2019 08:21

And the times he did go he would struggle so much to get out the door he would be in a bad mood if I didn’t help get DS sorted so I didn’t get lie ins then either.
So that’s stopped
He's like a child.
He's deliberately doing this stuff so badly that you take over or let him off.

You need to ignore it completely.
Stay in bed. Put headphones in.

FilthyforFirth · 01/06/2019 08:21

Yeah bugger that. I have been up since 630 as Sat is my day. Tomorrow I get my lie in. It is only fair. We also only lie in until 9 at the latest so the other isnt up on their own for hours.

I couldnt be with someone who didnt pull their weight when it came to parenting.

ExplodingCarrots · 01/06/2019 08:22

I couldn't be with someone who gets in a mood for having to do basic parenting. He's expecting you to do it and doesn't like being called out on it. Call him out everytime. He's a man child. My DH works shift and on his days off we take it in turns to have lie ins. Never once complained even if it's been 5am.

Original poster
bebeboeuf · 01/06/2019 08:22

I’d be happy with getting up at 8 on my days it’s rnough to help me feel refreshed after a week of 6:30 ups.

I’m now sitting in the bath because DH told me to go away and feel like soaking for hours but no doubt DH will see that as ‘my’ time and not expect me to have my owed lie in tomorrow

OP posts:
MummBraTheEverLeaking · 01/06/2019 08:22

Wow, so it's all YOUR fault he's a knob then, righty ho Hmm

What a dick! No more 10am lie ins for his lordship, make sure he wakes up and can't get back to sleep on his 'lie in' days. You either get a proper one each or none at all!

RandomMess · 01/06/2019 08:25

Complete knob.

If you aren't allowed a lie in then neither is he... you both get up with DS Wink