DH never lets me have a lie in at the weekend

[bebeboeuf]

It’s always been that of a weekend one of us would get a lie in each taking it in turns.

However, with DS turning 2 soon I’ve realised that it hardly ever happens for me because DH is in such a bad mood when he wakes up he wakes me up too anyway so I might as well have got up and everyone would be calmer

I’m more annoyed this weekend because last weekend we stayed with my parents and when DS would wake I quietly took him downstairs for breakfast and to play.
Saturday morning DH slept until 10am, this is an unusually long lie in for him, but he obviously needed it.

The next morning when DS woke I could hear DH getting huffy so seeing as I was at my parents house I took DS downstairs again.

Maybe I wrongly assumed that this meant that I would at least get one lie in this weekend.
I’m on my period and exhausted and feeling crabby due to the cramps.

DS woke at 6:30, DH got cross with him, tried to put him back to bed when DS didn’t want to do there was tears and then DH went downstairs and put him in front of the tv and then came back upstairs at which point he made a dig at me for not helping and then went and lied down in the other room because he was cross with me!

I didn’t know this until I went downstairs 30 minutes later to find DH having just got downstairs and I asked if DS has been downstairs alone.

I’ve now explained why I’m cross with DH and he has :

A - blames my period
B - complained I’ve made him do some DIY this weekend (DIY which I previously said we could get someone in to do but apparently that was an insult to him as he felt emasculated by the comment but still blames me for making him do it)
C - told me to go away
D - tried to apologise badly, and follows that with getting cross at me for not accepting bad apology

He seems to be playing you like a fiddle OP...I cannot imagine you getting any rest anyway ..how could you knowing you cannot trust him to look after your child properly? He has proven to you he will leave your 2 yr old alone to go back to bed....that is some kind of special wankerish behaviour displayed there....he would only ever do that once...he doesn;t give a shit about you or your child....if he cannot parent willingly get rid....

I'll go to bed extra early. Same time as the baby and sleep as long as possible.
It's really hard to deal with a overgrown toddler and please consider not having any more babies.

Sounds like my exh. He just didn't ever acknowledge that I also need sleep.

Ew - imagine having a husband that’s jealous of your relationship with your toddler

@Teddybear45

6:30 wake ups are the problem. I personally would be trying to adjust DS’ sleep schedule so he wakes up later.
So OP should take blame for toddler waking up at 6.30.
Wow!!
I can’t believe a mum can be such an unsupportive twat...

@sweetkitty
Luckily you have perfect children🙄

@AnneTwackie
All this placating your DH with sex sounds incredibly abusive

@AnneTwackie
Your post makes me feel sick.
I work with women with young children and placating DH with sex is ABUSE

@AnneTwackie
You sound like my older sister who happily admits to being a “surrended” wife.

X was like this - he didn't sleep well, and knew I needed loads more than him.
With our work schedules there was just 1 day each week when neither of us had to get up.
It was always either me that got up with DD or he would but would be so noisy and disruptive that I couldn't catch up any sleep - really quite mean as I was working more hours too.

Swap your lie in days around, you get Saturday and he gets Sunday. Then tell him that on a Sunday you will give him the SAME lie in that he gives you on a Saturday. So nil gets nil, noise gets noise, grumpiness gets grumpiness. Then follow through! He's trying to train you, so time to train him!

Absolute genius

@ghanagirl No need to be concerned about a relationship you don’t understand, I am very happy thank you, perhaps your sister is too. My husband ‘placates’ me with cups of tea, dinners out, child free time, run baths, housework, clean dishes, pet care and his excellent company. Perfectly happy to reciprocate with a cuddle occasionally and sex is certainly not a chore in this house

Men just think differently

Saying men think differently just gives them an excuse. It's not men who think differently, it's selfish people. Non selfish men have no difficulty understanding things like both partners having equal need for sleep.

I used to just get up and get on with my day. I planned my own stuff to do with DD and then if he woke up late he'd be in an empty house and we were out having fun.

He's stopped doing it now...

and then if he woke up late he'd be in an empty house

That sounds lovely!

What's a lie-in?

Ew, he sounds gross.. Did you get a lie in this morning, op?

Thing is AnnieTwackie just because your life is great doesn't mean that you can come on and say "oo just live like me OP, that's where you're going wrong LOL".

Its insulting everyone's intelligence to suggest that if women were more servile then they'd be happy (or rather their hubbies would) but then you always get one on every thread

Oops sorry for the random 'i' @AnneTwackie I meant.

I'm a single parent and they don't ever stay at their dad's (he only got in contact 9 months ago so we're still trailing day visits). My kids get up at 5.30am. It doesn't matter how late they go to bed, doesn't matter if it's summer or winter, doesn't matter if I use blackout blinds or anything. That's just when they get up, so it's now when I get up. That's just life for me. And I'm happy and get on with it without complaint. We have loads of time in the mornings to have breakfast together and talk about what books we're reading etc before they head to school at 8.45. So it's lovely family time. Now, if I were not a single parent but had a partner who left me to do all that on my own whilst he stayed in bed.... then I would not be happy. It wouldn't be nice family time because it would be forced onto me whoalt he did fuck all and got to sleep. It would not be good and I'd be angry a lot of the time. I can't imagine having a second parent right there... But still doing the work of a single parent.

@dishingoutdone Not what I said at all, I said my husband and I have similar arguments and this is how I deal with it. I’ve also apologised to the OP if I came across as flippant. But you’d know that if you’d rtft. Suppose there’s always one.

Really hope you got a lie in this morning, tea in bed and all manner of kindness. He sounds really spoilt tbh.

Yes, did you get the lie in?!

@annietwackie yes I did, a lovely long lie in.
He’s been making me coffees and keeping toddler entertained most of the day along with gardening, and sorting the food shop for the week.
Hopefully this means he has seen the error of his ways and I shall not need to remind him next time.

I will however ensure that next weekend we agree about lie ins before hand so that there isn’t any confusion or misunderstanding again. Which is probably a large part of the issue at hand.
Funnily enough, I do feel more loving with a decent rest and a break from basing main parent

Ahh that’s lovely news, I’m so happy for you!