DH never lets me have a lie in at the weekend

[bebeboeuf]

It’s always been that of a weekend one of us would get a lie in each taking it in turns.

However, with DS turning 2 soon I’ve realised that it hardly ever happens for me because DH is in such a bad mood when he wakes up he wakes me up too anyway so I might as well have got up and everyone would be calmer

I’m more annoyed this weekend because last weekend we stayed with my parents and when DS would wake I quietly took him downstairs for breakfast and to play.
Saturday morning DH slept until 10am, this is an unusually long lie in for him, but he obviously needed it.

The next morning when DS woke I could hear DH getting huffy so seeing as I was at my parents house I took DS downstairs again.

Maybe I wrongly assumed that this meant that I would at least get one lie in this weekend.
I’m on my period and exhausted and feeling crabby due to the cramps.

DS woke at 6:30, DH got cross with him, tried to put him back to bed when DS didn’t want to do there was tears and then DH went downstairs and put him in front of the tv and then came back upstairs at which point he made a dig at me for not helping and then went and lied down in the other room because he was cross with me!

I didn’t know this until I went downstairs 30 minutes later to find DH having just got downstairs and I asked if DS has been downstairs alone.

I’ve now explained why I’m cross with DH and he has :

A - blames my period
B - complained I’ve made him do some DIY this weekend (DIY which I previously said we could get someone in to do but apparently that was an insult to him as he felt emasculated by the comment but still blames me for making him do it)
C - told me to go away
D - tried to apologise badly, and follows that with getting cross at me for not accepting bad apology

@TheInvestigator

"So you left a toddler alone infront of the TV so you could have sex? Couldn't you just wait for night?"

Yes, I used to regularly leave her unattended in another room when I was in the house, for various reasons, not just for sex. Yes, it's possible that she could have come to harm. I didn't think it very likely under the circumstances. I know that my attitude to risk and to supervising children is different from that of most parents nowadays.

My dc our teenagers now so they are getting used to sleeping in, and when they do wake they don’t need parent intervention.

However, when they were young the best solution we found was me getting up with the. When they woke and going downstairs for an hour or so. I sorted breakfast, play, tv etc and drank tea. Then would wake dh up and he would get up and take over and I would go back to bed. Because I knew I was going back to bed I would be sleepy enough by 8-8.30 to go straight to sleep!

We were still ready to go out for the day before lunchtime but it meant we both had extra sleep and kids were happy too. Dh isn’t too good at getting up early so it worked well for us as a family.

OP, do you plan any more DCs with this twat? Because its only going to get worse.

As above.
He's a knob.
Poor you.
I'd have given him a hard kick up the arse at this stage and served him his divorce papers.

OP your partner is being deeply selfish and unfair. I'd suggest sitting down with him over a cuppa and talking it through with him. Maybe he's feeling resentful. Would be good for you to find out where his heads at.

I bet they are not waking up. I’m sure this issue (dp is a selfish twat being the issue) has been going on for a while and they have still been having sex. It is totally unfair to tell the op to give selfish twat a cuddle to fix it. It is not always our job to fix things by first giving our partner what they want and patiently hoping they will finally show they care about us then. That’s what keeps women in truly shit relationships- thinking maybe they can fix it by being better.

*making up

Don't have any more kids with him op! My H is like this - he has never got up and sorted DS on his own (unless I was away) and DS is 13.

H was most surprised to find that no further kids would be forthcoming since he'd been so lazy with DS.

But although H used to think he was being 'clever' I think he realises that actually he has missed out. DS and I have a bond that he doesn't (as I spent most of the time with him alone) and we have lots of memories that are either just us or with my single parent friends and their kids.

He’s downstairs with toddler napping together on sofa so I’m back upstairs.

We’ve had a bit more of a discussion where I’ve said that I feel he talks to me disrespectfully in these situations and that I don’t deserve that and that I expect better.

It’s all been said before though and I’ve said that if I can’t see anything changing then I won’t be hanging around forever as im feeling resentful, unhappy and disrespected.

He said he wishes we could all just lie in together. Yes we’ve managed to on occasions where DS is sleepy enough to come and just join us in bed but that’s not often.

We haven’t been married long and I feel like it’s been a stepping stone to being taken more for granted

He disagrees, tells me he loves me, thinks I’m amazing, but as much as he says those words his actions don’t follow.

I’m feeling a bit sad about it all as this happens all too often now and I’m at the end of my tether.

I used to fancy the pants of him but with every dig or rude comment I feel less like I want to even touch him let along cuddle or anything more

He’s been complaining how I never cuddle him or are loving towards him and he wonders why and says he sees me be loving to DS when he is upset and why can’t I be the same to him.
It feels like I have two children.
I don’t feel loving towards him and this is why.
He’s blaming me for ruining the weekend when it’s him
Oh Lord what an idiot he is!

Does he thinks he's the same age as your son? Or that behaving in the selfish, infantile manner he is will make him at all attractive to you and WANT you to cuddle or have anything to do with him?

If you are not already pregnant I'd ensure your contraception is as bulletproof as possible as this will just get worse with a new baby on the way.

- he forgot he had 2 lie ins last weekend
He's lying

- he didn’t realise we took it in turns
Lying again

- he wants to have a lie in together (how il never know?!)
Wants sex

I told him he was lazy and selfish and made me feel resentful and less loving and aggregated towards him because of this

He told me to fuck off
How does he think this makes him any more a supportive or attractive partner? Why would you want to procreate further with this person?

If I were you I'd look at your personal finances and what benefits you'd be entitled to just in case this relationship collapses and you end up separated/divorced. 🌹

What a whiny man-child. Why did you procreate with him, or did he not show signs of this before?
Hold firm with your lie-in days. Employ earplugs/eye mask/whatever. Go out if necessary. Even if you go somewhere and nap in the car - tell him you’re going swimming or something. He’ll have to learn how to do it if you’re not available.

Luckily I have a decent job and savings of my own.

We own our own house which will be a shame if we go down that route and have to sell. He wouldn’t even have a house if it wasn’t for me as I had the deposit and money to pay for renovations needed.

He was so lovely before we had DS.
I thought he was amazing.

But I’ve seen a whole new side to him since and I’m a bit ashamed I didn’t spot it before

We had discussed a second child but I was on the fence about stopping with one and I’m thinking this has made my decision

I had struggled to get pregnant for years before and DH seems to think I should be worshipping him for ‘giving me’ the baby I so desired

Alot don't show their unbelievable selfish, juvenile side until dc arrive. The main thing is to nip this in the bud now. Make sure he does his share and you get your time. I didn't and in lots of ways feel like I have made a rod for my own back now. Don't let that happen to you.

Do not have another child with him.

Sorry OP, I commented because I felt like this sounds like the kind of thing my partner and I argue about but our relationship is basically good, sometimes I need talking down. He’s not perfect but neither am I and we’re happy to try and meet in the middle.
If you have more issues than the lie in I hope you can resolve them, sorry for being flippant.

Op, what was his childhood like?

Respect is essential in a marriage as contempt kills a relationship. Often the contempt is projection as a result of difficult childhood. Your comment about him "giving you a child", Ex was similar, he would crow about how he made me pregnant multiple times, despite several of those being miscarriages.
Do you feel he has your back? Has he displayed genuine empathy for you when you have had difficult times?

@annetwackie I appreciated your alternative point of view actually and on any other time would give him the slack he may have deserved.
Generally neither of us are perfect and do have to meet each other half way.

The general situation today is forgivable if I can see that he genuinely wants to help me and not be selfish but for me to do that he needs to cut it with the disrespectful behaviour

@lifebegins50

He’s had a good childhood. Often talks about how lovely it was and how great his parents are.
I’ve felt like he’s had my back before and he does show empathy.
There’s a few occasions with family issues on his side where he has been less than perfect but gets the idea when I’ve pointed it out.
I’m just tired of having to keep pointing out what he needs to do and feel like im not going to change him .

I suspect it's misogyny- child related chores are wifework I suspect his Mum did all the grunge work and he expects the same of you...

@Fairylea 6.30am is a lie-in?? I wake up at 8.45 on a work day....

If he's going to act like a child, then treat him like one.

Get a family planner and mark out all the things you both need to do over the week, including lie in's and giving each other some child free time. Just include a reward for him, like time together or an evening out so that he feels there's something in it for him to stick to. Think of it as a man-child reward chart.... encouraging good behaviour

And if he won't step up, then you need to decide if this is what you're prepared to put up with for the rest of your life

He sounds like a total douchebag.

My husband has behaved like a watered down version of yours in the past. He's better now but there are still some unresolved issues.

I am not having anymore children with him. As Dads go, he's great in some respects but he is very selfish.

Yours sounds like a complete nightmare. I couldn't cope with that.

Hi OP,
I feel for you because it's clear this is making you sad.

He's very selfish.
He's putting himself first.
He's not a nice Dad to your child.
He speaks to you in a disgraceful way.
No man would tell me to f-off twice.
He chooses to be a bad tempered prick if he has to get up early.
If my husband was cranky with my child and upset them like that because he had to get up with them, I would go through him for a short cut. I would show him what a temper is!

Definitely do not plan a second child.

Sit down again with him very very soon and tell him that you are no longer happy and you are thinking that it might be easier to separate if he continues to behave in this way.

Tell him if he tells you to f-off ever again, you will do exactly that.

I would emphasis the point very clearly by going away to visit family with your child whilst telling him that you need to think.

I would put the fear of God in him.

He either steps up or he doesn't.

It sounds as if you have a sound head on your shoulders and know what you have to do.
Far too sound, to spend the rest of your life with a selfish dick.
You both deserve better.
Good luck.

Only other thing I can add is - I hope you get a lie-in tomorrow. If not leave for the day.