To want to give BM the pasting she deserves

[volcano28]

Long story short -Steps sons mother has always been a total nightmare . All the usual stuff a lot of ppl experience. Her family are all enablers -she does what she likes when she likes with no thought for anyone else or the consequences and no one ever (inc my husband) call her out on it. Which I think makes people worse as they come to believe their behaviour is acceptable. What's really ticked me off is SS has done nothing al half term even though she doesn't work , has plenty of money and a car, he was supposed to be going to a theme park yesterday with some friends and their family near where we live -before coming here for the weekend -but she didn't wake him up in time so he missed it -so to try and spite my husband ss has missed out 😯 this is because we live 3 hours away so he has to drive to pick him up and drop him back for contact where as he could have been 20mins away! . I don't care about Dh having to drive I care about the fact she's put wanting to make Dh life harder (which it doesn't he's more than happy to drive any distance) before ss having a great day out . And I want to contact her and tell her how I feel -I've always had to 'rise above it ' for 14yrs ! But on the other hand she'd love it as getting a reaction 😣 maybe I just needed a bit of a rant get it off my chest

Im not taking the stance where the sm is always right at all. I am taking the stance that this one is right

But you dont actually know that.

You have also taken the stance that lots women are posting bile because they have a problem with SMs. Rather than, considering, that some SMs are shit.

m not taking the stance where the sm is always right at all. I am taking the stance that this one is right

And others can perhaps see things from the ex wife’s point of view and don’t agree. You seem to struggle to accept that.

It is my experience that step mums are judgemental of ex wives on these forums. It is also my real life experience. My children have suffered terribly at the hands of a woman who believes everything my ex tells her. He very cleverly keeps her away from me with talk of violence and abuse (and no, there is no third side to that, it is not his experience or opinion, it is a simple lie that works well for him and as he has ditched his entire friendship group post- divorce, there is no one close to him who will challenge him) and she sadly is unable to be logical in her opinions of me. She probably thinks our children don’t understand but they do, they really do. Very sad. When they start voting with their feet no doubt that will be my fault as well.

Jesus christ! Why do you even read mn then because theoretically all of it could be absolute shite?

You can only make judgement based on what op tells you. I have done that. I havenr second guessed her and decided shes lying because shes a second wife therefore she must hate the ex and this is just petty revenge.

Some step mums are shit. Never said otherwise. However that doesnt make it ok that because you personally know a shit step mum, you get to assume random women on the internet must also be shit because thats all you know.

Whats the point in reading and responding to a thread if youre not going to take it at face value and actually reply based on only assumptions and a massively clouded view based on only your own experience and not even taking into account what the op says?

PlantPotParrot you seem like a very angry person.

You also seem to be failing to notice that you doing the exact thing you are complaining about.

I havenr second guessed her and decided shes lying because shes a second wife therefore she must hate the ex and this is just petty revenge.

Neither have I. I have look at the thread, her posts and her wording and decided what I think.

is my experience that step mums are judgemental of ex wives on these forums

Of course youre going to think that because step mums within successfully blended families with amicable relationships all round dont need to post here do they?

Sms generally post about issues within a blended family. They dont come here to post about how well its all going!

My children have suffered terribly at the hands of a woman who believes everything my ex tells her. He very cleverly keeps her away from me with talk of violence and abuse (and no, there is no third side to that, it is not his experience or opinion, it is a simple lie that works well for him and as he has ditched his entire friendship group post- divorce, there is no one close to him who will challenge him) and she sadly is unable to be logical in her opinions of me

Thats undeniably awful and clearly your husband is a big part of the issue as well as her but its really not always the case that new wives just believe what they are told. I was initially told by dp that his ex was lovely theyd had an amicable split and they were co parenting well for the kids. And they were and then he moved on with me after 2 years of being single and she turned into a different woman overnight.

Like i said not all ex wives are bitter and not all step mums are evil.

Im not angry at all. Im not "doing the same" either. Im not basing my assumptions on this ex based on my own experienced. Im basing them on what op says which is pretty similar to how dps ex is/was.

I am basing it on the actual words the op has written. I am not sure why you cannot understand that?

Yes you are.

You have said you have been in a similar position so know what has happened.

Fact is, it's as likely op is spouting vile as it is that the ex is a shit mum.

You are assuming it couldnt possible be the OP with the issue.

Oh and your point of view is that its exs that 'spout bile'about new partners.

And you havent ever seen it on mn, the other way round. Which I find odd.

That's your stance. Lots of women post here complaining their husband is being a decent co parent and helps their ex out with the kids

So basically what youre saying is its ok for you to make assumptions on what ops said but not me because i can't possibly be able to do the same as you and take it on face value?

Im not assuming it couldn't be possible. Anythings possible but my personal opinion is that i DONT THINK op is talking shite. I think shes got a point and i dont think shes being unreasonable. You think the opposite - fine but dont try and tell me why i think what i think.

Oh and your point of view is that its exs that 'spout bile'about new partners
And you havent ever seen it on mn, the other way round. Which I find odd
You find it odd because youve completely misread what i said. I said i havent seen a thread where everyone abused an ex wife for a thread about a SM.

Lots of women post here complaining their husband is being a decent co parent and helps their ex out with the kidss do they? Ive seen many women post about their husband going about things the wrong way, not standing up to their ex but never just for being a decent co parent.

PlantPotParrot no, you are saying it's ok for you to do but other people are wrong.

Am i!? Im pretty sure ive just defended my point of view and called out one poster who posted something that really there was no basis IN WHAT OP WROTE to assume.

I havent said youre wrong. Ive come to my own conclusions and had to explain why.

RebeccaWrongDaily Sat 01-Jun-19 10:02:18

Agree.

When language and a tone slip out in an OP and subsequent posts, I can absolutely see a 14 yo caught in the middle and saying whatever he thinks will make life easiest for himself.

PlantPotParrot you started engaging with me because you didnt like that I challenged you point and the exs and new wives both sometimes spout bile on here.

You said it was exs. I pointed out plenty of new wives do also. You didnt like that.

Some people come on MN to spout bile. From all different positions.

I never said you were wrong I said it went both ways.

And yes tone and use of language can indicate alot about a poster and their motivation. The fact that you choose to ignore it and decide the op is completely 100% right is your choice.

I didnt "not like it" i said i had not personally seen it? I have also said it goes both ways several times in this thread.

And yes tone and use of language can indicate alot about a poster and their motivation. The fact that you choose to ignore it and decide the op is completely 100% right is your choice

Again you think you need to explain to me why i think how i do and what i have and havent done. I havent ignored any tone. I read it in the tone of a desperate woman whos at the end of her tether and just needed a whinge, which i find perfectly acceptable.

Ive wanted to give dps ex what for many times. I havent, but i can recognise that massive frustration and desperation to live a normal quiet life. You obviously didnt read it like that, and thats fine, but please stop trying to break me down psychologically and tell me why i think what i think. Its frankly insulting.

No you said 'Really?'

That's what you posted. Just that.

Anyway. I have other things to do, not going to be another poster you go round in circles with, telling them how it is and what they should think.

Yes because i have never seen it so? Should i just believe what you say 100%m

Youre telling me why i think what i think! Never once have i told you what you should think. Its like youve not read any comment of mine and just imagined what you wanted it to say. Its not me on the attack trying to belittle you, is it?

Perhaps if you didn’t start threads which involved threatening violence towards people, you might get a more sympathetic hearing.