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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to give BM the pasting she deserves

295 replies

volcano28 · 01/06/2019 07:58

Long story short -Steps sons mother has always been a total nightmare . All the usual stuff a lot of ppl experience. Her family are all enablers -she does what she likes when she likes with no thought for anyone else or the consequences and no one ever (inc my husband) call her out on it. Which I think makes people worse as they come to believe their behaviour is acceptable. What's really ticked me off is SS has done nothing al half term even though she doesn't work , has plenty of money and a car, he was supposed to be going to a theme park yesterday with some friends and their family near where we live -before coming here for the weekend -but she didn't wake him up in time so he missed it -so to try and spite my husband ss has missed out 😯 this is because we live 3 hours away so he has to drive to pick him up and drop him back for contact where as he could have been 20mins away! . I don't care about Dh having to drive I care about the fact she's put wanting to make Dh life harder (which it doesn't he's more than happy to drive any distance) before ss having a great day out . And I want to contact her and tell her how I feel -I've always had to 'rise above it ' for 14yrs ! But on the other hand she'd love it as getting a reaction 😣 maybe I just needed a bit of a rant get it off my chest

OP posts:
Snapandyourgone · 01/06/2019 16:53

I get you arent used to being called a cunt.

Totally get that. And I don't agree with it. However MN can be very sweaty so dont take it to heart if you can.

But it wasnt me and has no bearing on me. Nor does it change my opinion.

And I have to say I did find it odd you seemed more shocked that it was before 9am. As though it would have been less upsetting later in the day.

Snapandyourgone · 01/06/2019 16:54

But why does what time of day have to do with anything?

You are right. You definitely are beating g me with experience Wink

Tennesseewhiskey · 01/06/2019 16:56

OP you are starting to come across as a bit unhinged.

I totally get his mother is pissing you off.

But you need to chill out. You have no clue what's going on there day to day. 14 year olds are great at playing the 'I dont get to do anything' and 'poor me' cards.

If she is abusing him. SS need calling again.

AnneOfAvonlea · 01/06/2019 17:01

Quite depressing reading this thread tbh. So much for MN being a supportive place to be...

OP - I can see why you would be very frustrated. 14 year olds are very difficult to wake and clearly the mother is not interested in facilitating any contact. She is under no obligation to do so but hopefully your stepson will see that for what it is eventually.

Be the better people, and give him a good environment to come to when he needs it. And please ignore the hostility on this thread - it isnt like this everywhere.

Original poster
volcano28 · 01/06/2019 17:05

@Tennesseewhiskey unhinged ? Thanks for that I'll add it to the list of insults

OP posts:
swingofthings · 01/06/2019 17:34

I've stated what's happened and that it's pissed me off
But that's it, you haven't stated what happened, you've stated what your SS told you happened. Maybe he related it rightly but how can you be 100% sure that is the case?

I think you've been treated terribly on this thread, but you haven't defended your position well explaining why you are so certain of what his mum is doing or not doing.

Tennesseewhiskey · 01/06/2019 17:37

It wasnt an insult. It was an observation.

I am sorry its upset you. You but kind of proved my point

JingsMahBucket · 01/06/2019 17:49

@volcano28 please step away. People are being pedantic assholes to you and deliberately riling you up. Take what you need and hide this thread. Have fun with your husband and kids. It’s warm outside, dang it! :)

Original poster
volcano28 · 01/06/2019 17:49

Thanks to those that have been kind -I have hungry mouths to feed now so won't be following this thread anymore - any questions will go unanswered and those that are out for a fight can fight between yourselves

OP posts:
Original poster
volcano28 · 01/06/2019 17:51

In fact after all the abuse today I'm going to come off mumsnet completely so to those that have been abusive , you've successfully put someone off ever coming on here again

OP posts:
CanILeavenowplease · 01/06/2019 17:55

But unfortunately the bitter ex wife club are out in force

And obviously being in a similar situation, understanding court, mediation etc and game playing exs and how its hard to deal with that - i think ive got a damn site more understanding than someone who has only come here to have a go at someone

You don’t think there are ex wives here who have also been in a similar situation? Only they know the other side is not as the ex and his partner would have you believe.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 18:00

There are three sides to every story as they say. I am sure there's loads of ex wives on here that genuinely have arsehole husbands and im sure theres loads who are bitter and jealous trouble causers.

Not all ex wives are bitter, not all step mums are evil.

You can deny it all you like and pretend that these women are telling the truth and are wronged and the sm and dad are always to blame, but they are here on these boards spouting hatred at women just because they have married a man with children.

Holdthedamndoor · 01/06/2019 18:04

You can deny it all you like and pretend that these women are telling the truth and are wronged and the sm and dad are always to blame, but they are here on these boards spouting hatred at women just because they have married a man with children.

And in the same vein, there are lots of women who are second wives and hate the first wives and take an opportunity to come on these boards spouting hatred because their husband had a wife before.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 18:06

Really?

Holdthedamndoor · 01/06/2019 18:12

Really yes really.

You dont believe it works both ways?

Preggers86 · 01/06/2019 18:13

Too many comments to read through but did we ever establish why when the friends turned to collect him and were advised he was still in bed, they simply didn't wait for 10 mins in would of taken a 14 year old boy who was eager to spend the day out with them to get up and ready?

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 18:15

I can honestly say i havent noticed any posters coming on the step parenting board to just to have a dig at ex wives, no.

I have never seen an equivalent to this thread where everyone has jumped on an ex wife, except once where she was obv a troll.

Holdthedamndoor · 01/06/2019 18:22

PlantPotParrot I have.

Theres a poster, recently, that asked for help because the ex wife hates her for no reason and her husband won't stand up to the ex wife But another thread from a while ago revealed she had a habit of texting the ex wife abuse. For no reason, calling her a bad mother etc.

I see it quite alot. I have no horse in this race. Dp has an adult son that lives abroad. There is very little contact with the mother, but we all get one when we do have contact.

My exh is a dick but his girlfriend has always been lovely to my kids and we are pleasant when we, rarely, see eachother.

Maybe the only ones that stand out to you are the ones that resonate with you.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 18:28

I have not seen that thread or poster..

Well tbh i try and give advice because ive been through it. I couldn't advise someone who sent abusive texts because i have no experience of that.

There is no denying that the vast majority of threads written by step mums just end in total chaos and massive amounts of abuse.

Ive said it before and ill say it again. You cant win. Youre too involved or not involved enough. Youre cold or you're trying to step on mums toes. You should have an amicable relationship with mum but yet you should never ever contact them. You should never disclipline kids but yet you should be happy with their behaviour. You should also financially contribute whilst remembering they are not your kids and you should keep your nose out. Oh and you are always assumed to be the OW no matter what your post is about.

There is no point posting on this board because whilst 1% of replies will be helpful advice the rest will just be lots of angry women having a go as evidenced by this thread and many many others.

Bluebell878275 · 01/06/2019 18:37

Snapandyourgone
But why does what time of day have to do with anything

She meant with how quickly it had happened between the original post..not the time of day..I think.

Holdthedamndoor · 01/06/2019 18:42

I get it. That sometimes SMs cant win.

But I do think sometimes SMs are very judgemental of the exs. You may not have seen that thread or poster, I can say I have seen all of what you are talking about.

I think taking the stance that the SM must be right, isnt any better that taking the stance the ex wife must be right.

oabiti · 01/06/2019 18:45

Were you the 'other woman' at some point?

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/06/2019 18:48

Im not taking the stance where the sm is always right at all. I am taking the stance that this one is right

WhiteRedRose · 01/06/2019 18:48

He's at least 14, he can get himself up FFS.

hellodarkness · 01/06/2019 18:57

Don't be put off mn op. It really can be wonderfully supportive. Perhaps avoid AIBU, notoriously brutal, if you're feeling sensitive.

I suspect that the 'pasting' of your thread title, and the tone of your replies, probably didn't do you many favours.