PILs make DD beg

[Nononotacceptable]

My PILs are not nice people and they are upsetting my daughter (5). There are two main things.

One is that we have a “family vote” on things to do, which film to watch, where to go on a Sunday afternoon etc. It works well. The PILs have started mimicking this (sarcastically) and FIL in particular will not put his hand up to vote for something DD wants to do on purpose... unless she begs. This is not supposed to be a begging thing, this is a simple vote that we always did in my family that works well to find out who wants what. Sometimes FIL puts his hand half up and then down again as if he’s changed his mind. DD is crying by this time. She never cries if she is outvoted by her brothers at home (from my first marriage, they do not see the PILs as they do not like them).

MIL makes her beg in the supermarket. She says she can have something if she goes with her and when they get there DD chooses a treat (usually a comic) and MIL says she can’t have it and must have something else. Apparently this is a “joke” and DD has to say “please please please” and beg before MIL gives in.

I am no longer taking DD to see the PILs. I don’t like them, they are cruel. I actually don’t care if I am BU, I am angry.

What does your dh say about this?

It's hideous and childish but it probably needs to not come from you if possible.

They are very cruel people. She mustn't have any contact with them.

What is your husband doing about this.

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Sorry, should have said that. He used to say it was joking, as they did, but saw how distraught DD was this time (I normally take her on my own after school when DH is at work but this week he was off as we had been away for a few days).

When I said I wasn’t taking her any more he didn’t say anything. He’s not around to do it after school so it’s not really his choice. He won’t take her at weekends because we have activities. He’s never taken her now I think of it! Never on his own. He doesn’t see his parents much at all.

I don’t think DH gets that it’s wrecking a family process that works well for us and giving DD some horrible message about begging, he just sees the tears.

I don’t trust them. It’s a power play over a child. That’s what I shall tell them.

Plus MIL does the supermarket begging thing with her other GC, she’s told me. She describes it in detail that she told DN she could have anything she wanted and when she chose a Frozen ball she said it was a stupid thing and to choose something else and she’d get her a Batman ball instead etc. Cruel.

Good for you OP. They sound like knobs

Thank you. They are knobs.

They sound like knobs. I'd ban all supermarket trips. If you do ever have to see them again I'd explain to DD that rights come with responsibilities. You have a right to vote and a responsibility to do so reasonably, if you can't be reasonable your right is revoked hence why PIL don't get a vote anymore. Turn it in to a lesson for both sides, its useful for children to see that sometimes adults are wrong.

They sound exhausting. Yes I think leave DH to do any visits in future. If he's not fussed, then you shouldn't be either.

God, that's so nasty of them, immature pricks.

Interesting how you got landed with seeing them while your DH gets to skip it. Sounds like he knows very well how unpleasant they are. Good decision, they sound awful.

I think good choice.
Anyone who enjoys reducing a small child to tears is to be avoided like the plague.
Since your DH never takes your DD to see them on his own, I guess they're not going to see her again, pretty much by default - but he should be the one to field any questions about it.

Well done!

YANBU.

That is horrible! Imagine getting pleasure out of humiliating small children. Interesting that DH doesn't see much of them. Follow his example.

Just stop taking her, OP. Let DH explain why if they ask.

Thank you all for the validation.

YANBU

What awful grandparents for your lovely children. Either just go no-contact and wait for them to ask why or I would contact them and happily let them know exactly why they won't be seeing your DC again.

Repeatedly, purposefully teasing and upsetting children is unforgivable. Making them beg??? Jeez I'm getting worked up on your behalf! Thank god your children have you to protect them from those horrors.

What a pair of twunts. You're absolutely right, I just hope your DH follows through on this.

They remind me of my grandparents. Really twisted.

You could not be less unreasonable.

You're a better person than me to begin with, taking them along to see GPs when your own DH opts out.

Your dd is better off not seeing them. You are doing the right thing for your child.

My own father was like that. It is horrible and damaging. I am still dealing with the emotional consequences.

You are doing the right thing by protecting your daughter.

They sound horrible. What did they do to make your sons not like them?

They sound utterly toxic. You’ve made the right decision.

As the saying goes "it's only a joke if everyone is laughing" & I certainly wouldn't be laughing at a 5 year old child being upset like that.
Neither I nor my DC would be visiting them in future & if DH wanted to visit that would be up to him!

It’s a power/control thing, and it’s utterly pathetic. My dad was a bit like this - though not as bad.