PILs make DD beg

[Nononotacceptable]

My PILs are not nice people and they are upsetting my daughter (5). There are two main things.

One is that we have a “family vote” on things to do, which film to watch, where to go on a Sunday afternoon etc. It works well. The PILs have started mimicking this (sarcastically) and FIL in particular will not put his hand up to vote for something DD wants to do on purpose... unless she begs. This is not supposed to be a begging thing, this is a simple vote that we always did in my family that works well to find out who wants what. Sometimes FIL puts his hand half up and then down again as if he’s changed his mind. DD is crying by this time. She never cries if she is outvoted by her brothers at home (from my first marriage, they do not see the PILs as they do not like them).

MIL makes her beg in the supermarket. She says she can have something if she goes with her and when they get there DD chooses a treat (usually a comic) and MIL says she can’t have it and must have something else. Apparently this is a “joke” and DD has to say “please please please” and beg before MIL gives in.

I am no longer taking DD to see the PILs. I don’t like them, they are cruel. I actually don’t care if I am BU, I am angry.

So Xmas, you think it's acceptable?

They sound so cruel, making her beg like that. It almost sounds like some power/control issue they have.

I'd stop taking her. If your husband wants to do so on his own let him but it doesn't sound like he will go too much tbh!

I would feel the same. They sound awful. Have you spoken to them about it? I hate confrontation, just wondered if you made it clear that you're not happy about their behaviour (not that you should have to justify yourself).

I am 100% on your side. If they are being cruel don't take her, she shouldn't suffer. Leave it to your dh to take her so he can see what is happening - he may be oblivious though as he probably grew up in that environment.

Have some distance. See what they do or say.

What absolutely vile in-laws you have OP!!!

Bloody hell they’re nasty fuckers

what a pair of wee shiites they are
put them on the naughty step permanently
no treats for them no matter how much they beg
withdraw all privileges

Gawd ! they sound a right oddball lot!

Mind you years ago when our brood were that age and they wanted most anythig i'd tease them a little and ask them why they wanted or needed it, sometimes it was quite fun the reasons they came up with.

I always gave in in the end but this is something else here:(

@Xmas2020
Wow you must be so bored @Nononotacceptable writing slating your PIl so early in the morning!

Did you miss the part where OP's PIL are bullying a FIVE YEAR OLD? FFS! We're talking about adults making a child cry because of their horrible behaviour.

Pair of Sadists

@Nononotacceptable is protecting her child from being bullied by their grandfather, @Xmas2020.

Perhaps, rather than bitch-plopping on her thread, you might like to explain why you think what she is doing is wrong. Why this man is within his rights to bully and upset his little granddaughter.

Frankly, only a bully thinks bullying is OK or criticises someone for defending their child from bullying, so your comment says more about you than about the OP.

It’s nasty. They wouldn’t have unsupervised contact with my DC ever again. And I’d avoid them as much as possible.

You're doing the right thing, they sound awful and add nothing positive to your family life.

I also thing a family vote shouldn't be the only way to decide things because that can be very unfair plus you've seen first hand the sort of shitty behaviour it can lead to. Maybe intersperse it with every family member takes a turn at deciding on what to watch or get to do.

Well done for protecting her.
Just make sure when you tell her that she knows it’s your decision, that you have decided it’s what’s best for her. You don’t want her to feel guilty for thinking that they were stopped seeing her because of how she felt. You did it for her if that makes sense.

So just won’t text, won’t go

Good - nicely done, OP.
I'm interested to see what their next power play will be....

This is absolutely horrible.
Stop the visits to the in laws full stop before any further emotional damage is done to the child.
I think your DH needs to have a word with his siblings if they're doing the same thing to other grandkids.
I wonder what they did to make your sons not like them.
This is abuse,no other word for it and all visits from all grandkids need to be stopped.

Just a form of bullying. Keep away from them

I too was subjected to this " teasing" by my father . Especially when he had an audience . My mothers elder sister would join in . When I was a young child it consisted of something similar to that which OP described . As I reached puberty it became much worse . I still feel humiliated . OP , do what you feel best for your little girl .

Would avoid at all costs!

My grandmother was very much a "toughen them up for their own good" person; my grandfather much softer. They were both born at the end of the 19th century. Life was expected to be hard.
I have since remembered that my grandmother had to live through WW2 with one son on Atlantic Conveys and one in the jungles of Burma.

To bring up "sissies" was to do your children harm.

Thank God we no longer have to think like that...

Wtf is wrong with them, why would anyone take pleasure in tormenting a child? Pair of bullying aols. Would you let anyone else treat your child like this? Don't let them.

What horrible nasty people they are. I would not invite or visit them. Hve u mentioned this to them? If they visit I would exude them from vote. it sounds like they take pleasure upsetting ur Dd. Keep them at a distance!!!

My father was born in the 1920s in a poor working class area with a father who hardly ever worked. Not only was Dad never out of work in his life, unlike many of his generation he handed all his wages over to Mum each week for her to budget what was needed, and always helped with washing up, cooking, children etc, even after coming home from work. Same as DH's father. I believe that behaviour is a matter of intelligent choice, and blaming it on your environment is just lazy. I take it your DH is not like his parents?

DH is not like his parents hardly at all. He spent a lot of time with a relative when he was young and I suspect he is more like them.

user1472151176 I stepped in of course when FIL did it, he’d still do it even though he knew I was watching. I only knew about MIL’s behaviour at the supermarket when she told me about doing it to SIL’s children and I asked DD if she did it to her. They went alone so I never witnessed it.

I think it’s a control thing, the children have to be subservient to them. FIL hates the fact the DH has a better job than him, we have a better house, more money... I think it’s to keep the GC in their place.

People should want more for their DC and DGC, or least the same. Jealousy and spitefulness are horrible feelings to have and act out.

Whatever happens now can you put a significant break in place - I'm thinking a good few months. Then if you feel you should see them, meet out in a public place with DH and you present? See if they try harder?