To tell ExH I don't want DC to be left with his DP's teenage boys?

[Jessie1980]

After being at their DF on their last visit they met his DP and her DC, 2 of which are boys 14 & 15.
They told me they had gone down to the beach on their own with one of the boys, AIBU to be concerned about this? ExH lives just on the beach but would not be able to see them from the house. My worry is that they had only just met the boy, I dont know him, they dont know him and my ExH has only known him around 3 months. Our DC are DD5 and DS7.

After what happened with the 16 year old and 5 year old girl on the isle of bute, you cant help but worry about these things.

I know. I see this event as a normal family group dynamic as well.
I don’t see any reason for OP to insert herself into it.

I see the OP has disappeared.

The thing is OP if you live your life worrying about every single news you read you probably wouldn't leave home at all.

Everyone can potentially be an abuser, a murderer or a terrorist, but in many situations we use common sense to try and avoid risks, without limiting our lives too much.

From a safety point of view you could tell your ex husband that it's risky being on the beach with a 15 years old to supervise. But since nothing has happened, it's pointless thinking of "what could have been".

No...not quite a family...but familiar and ultimately, at dad’s discretion.

pictish

Yes, but if we leave out “at the dad’s discretion” for a moment (because I get that that’s technically true) “familiar” isn’t good enough. I leave my children with people I know and trust, not people I have met a few times.

SimulationTheorist Fri 31-May-19 13:05:33
unicornbrexit - Did you not read the part where she said they've been together three months? 12 WEEKS. You have no idea how many times they've even met as a couple, never mind how many times he's met the children. The OP has NEVER met the children. The children had never met the children. They are NOT step-siblings.

Presuming the mother has them EOW, and they won't have been introduced straight away, he's probably met them 2-3 times. That for me wouldn't be enough to leave my kids with them. Even the mother is still a relative stranger.

They weren't familiar. Neither the mother or the children had met them before.

Then continue. And well done.
Dad probably knows and trusts these kids. So there we have it.

pictish

No, we don’t have it. There would be a discussion with my ex husband. We would go from there.

I'd be very concerned too, as to why two boys of that age would want to take care of little ones.

How horrible of you. My son is 13 and is brilliant with young children, always has been. He wants to be a primary school teacher.

Does he...not a chance he'll stick at it, even if he becomes one. In an age where we need more male Primary teachers, with so many kids having no male role model in their lives, we are getting less and less. And the ones we do get are hounded out by pigshit thick mums who have never had a decent man in their lives, stirring up shit along the lines of "why would a grown man want to work with small children, must be a pervert".

It's sooo depressing.

Dad has only known the new partner for three months. How many times would he have met the children, I wonder? It doesn't say if that was his first time meeting them.

I mean ok...you can direct outrage at me if it helps but our opinions are of no matter. It was dad’s call and he made it.

pigshit thick mums who have never had a decent man in their lives, stirring up shit along the lines of "why would a grown man want to work with small children, must be a pervert".

😂

pictish

Not outraged. But my ex husband and I would be having a conversation.

Lifecraft - that certainly hasn't been my experience of working in schools. You're pretty much guaranteed a job as a primary school teacher if you have a penis, in this area. On ITT courses here, the amount of male trainees has risen massively. They're getting more and more, not less and less. Some are absolutely bloody wonderful. Some not so much, but they are given jobs over women at the moment regardless of skill.

I'd be slightly concerned but mostly as they don't know them well so if we're upset may not confide in them. Also as they are teens they may be lax with safety with water, near roads etc.

I may worry about predatory behaviour if they insisted taking only one specific child every time but that doesn't seem to be the case.

As horrible as that case was that boy was incredibly mentally disturbed evil. But catastrophising is no way to live your life.

I think most of you are being extremely naive if you don't think that opportunistic molestation of little girls by teenage boys isn't quite common.

Better never take them to Scotland either if you are going to judge a whole group or people on the actions of one just because of one shared characteristic.

They live on the beach. Outside the door. They probably go to the beach a lot. Unless it’s a really dangerous beach with crashing waves and sudden enormous tidal bores 5 and 7 are not far off going for half an hour on their own. Certainly 7 is.

I was a juror on a case based around older boy abusing younger boy. (not OUTING) … It haunts me to this day.

I'd be VERY concerned about letting my young child be in the care of older boys I did not know well... call me sick if you like.

My priority would be my childs safety.

I agree, MaxNormal. Admittedly, most people won't have worked in the "field" so won't be aware of what actually goes on, but still. Some hits the news and you'd think that would be enough to take relevant precautions.

YADNBU. I wouldn't feel at ease with this either until I knew the teenagers better.

@susan82 but again. You would never know the teenagers. They would never have to meet you as the children of your Ex's new partner.

I would also be a bit uncomfortable. But as of yet no one has said how the Op can stop this.

Of course they could talk. But are they high conflict? Are they happily co parenting or just parallel parenting?

SimulationTheorist exactly. Fortunately something like the Isle of Bute case is extremely rare, but there are so many cases where you have teenage boys whose consciences and impulse control have not yet developed, sexually curious, possibly nowadays also exposure to porn... unsupervised access to younger children is often a disaster waiting to happen. It won't necessarily be anything violent, more along the lines of "games".
I know it's horrible and people hate thinking about it but it's sadly not at all rare.

I have a 4 year old DD and 2 year old DS, i would NOT be happy with that at all. I would not trust two teenage boys with my small children even more so at a beach where theres a chance of drowning. My first thought is that their potential predators which sounds bad but it is what it is. Id rathar people think i was being over dramatic rathan than anything happen to my children. Secondly its a beach, always needs to be an adult supervising

And really if the kids are seeing their dad then they need to be doing just that. Seeing and spending time with their dad.