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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want I sit for 30 mins in silence whilst DD reads

135 replies

daffydowndilys · 30/05/2019 22:47

OK, so bed time seems to take almost 1.5 hours and it's starting to get my goat.

DD (8) messes around getting into her PJ's and brushing her teeth. Unless I stand over her and brush her teeth for her this can take almost 30 mins.

Then, she demands that I sit with her whilst she reads to herself in silence!!!! Then she wants cuddles before bed.

Now I know she is only 8 and I will miss these times when they are gone. I really do know that.

But I work full time, I get home, cook dinner, then at least 1 hour for bedtime. Then I have to work at home all evening until my bedtime.

DH thinks I'm mean not to sit with her for 30mins in silence whilst she reads to herself.

Is that really awful? I feel really bad.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 30/05/2019 22:49

Can you not read (your own book) as well? I love to read with the kids where we all read to ourselves.

gamerchick · 30/05/2019 22:50

DH thinks I'm mean not to sit with her for 30mins in silence whilst she reads to herself.

So he won't mind doing that bit then will be?

BlueSkiesLies · 30/05/2019 22:50

Then, she demands that I sit with her whilst she reads to herself in silence!!!! Then she wants cuddles before bed.

Come on, she’s playing you!

Either you read to her, or you do cuddles and a kiss then she reads to herself and you come back in and turn the light off.

Or I guess you could sit with her and cuddle/read your own book/ use your phone.

converseandjeans · 30/05/2019 22:53

I wouldn't be up for that either as I also have to do work once kids are in bed. Could you let her stay up later? Maybe she's not tired? YANBU & maybe DH could alternate with you??

pallisers · 30/05/2019 22:53

She might demand it but she doesn't have to get it.
So ...
Your dh clearly has no problem with it so he does it.
You read or do your work while she reads in silence
You tell her you will read with her for 10 minutes and then you are off.

Maybe I'm an unnatural mother but at age 8 I supervised teethwashing (10 mins tops - why are you letting it take 30 minutes?), spent a few minutes chatting or reading and then said goodnight.

I think she is trying to delay bedtime/being alone. Maybe ask her about that or check whether she is going to bed too early rather than giving into the sitting in silence like an acolyte.

Wallywobbles · 30/05/2019 22:55

Fuck that for a game of soldiers

Pipandmum · 30/05/2019 22:58

You are brushing her teeth? You are the adult here and 8 is plenty old enough to get ready for bed on her own. Send her up to get ready for bed, say you’ll be up in 20 minutes to tuck her in. If she wants to read let her read but why sit there? I don’t get it.

Original poster
daffydowndilys · 30/05/2019 22:58

I'm not really a reader and I'm reluctant to sit there on my phone because I'm aware that I probably do that too much already.

I wouldn't mind it once in a while but every night. I have recently been making an excuse to go and put some washing on or something and then escape go downstairs for a bit. But then she turns up 3 mins later asking for someone to come and sit with her.

She's not an anxious child.

OP posts:
Original poster
daffydowndilys · 30/05/2019 22:59

I don't necessarily brush her teeth but sometimes it's quicker and better than her messing around.

OP posts:
ToffeePennie · 30/05/2019 23:00

Mine are 4 and 18 months. 18 month old gets a story and a quick blast of “you are my sunshine” then into bed.
4 year old gets to read his school book to me, I read a chapter of narnia/Harry Potter (he reads one sentence himself) and then he gets a song (you are my sunshine) and bed.
Takes a maximum of 30 mins for both.
They clean their teeth once they’ve had a bath.

ThePerturbedPenguin · 30/05/2019 23:02

I think you’re letting her get away with this and so you’re stuck in this situation! In a nice way - get a grip! Is you DH not at home for bedtime? I would be much stricter with DD, you won’t do her any harm.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 30/05/2019 23:03

Have you tried using the word NO!

supersop60 · 30/05/2019 23:03

Tell her to hurry up with her teeth, or no reading time. Set a timer.
my DS has started delaying bedtime. He's 15!

Ragwort · 30/05/2019 23:04

Why doesn’t your DH sit with her if he thinks it’s so important.

At 8 she is perfectly capable of reading to herself, a quick cuddle, a firm good night and a kiss and you leave the room.

bridgetreilly · 30/05/2019 23:04

No. If she's reading she doesn't need you there. And she does not get to demand you do anything. You're the parent, you decide.

Original poster
daffydowndilys · 30/05/2019 23:05

Yes unfortunately it seems we have let her play us for way too long. It's partly DH's fault as after she has read he stays with her and plays with her feet or her hands until she nearly falls asleep.

To think I taught her to self sooth when she was little, then late in childhood he makes this rid for our own backs.

I'll take back some control.

OP posts:
Blueemeraldagain · 30/05/2019 23:05

Sounds to me like she is trying to get some more of your attention/time?

bridgetreilly · 30/05/2019 23:05

Tell her you'll be up in 30 minutes to say good night, cuddle, turn light off.

Darbs76 · 30/05/2019 23:05

Sorry but I wouldn’t be sitting there in silence for 30 mins. Why can’t you just tell her you’ll be back to cuddle her and tuck her in after 30 mins. At 8 she’s not a baby. I’d just tell her that mummy is very busy in the evenings and from tomorrow you will have a new way of doing it. If your DH feels that strongly let him sit there in silence

CodenameVillanelle · 30/05/2019 23:05

That's ridiculous!
My bedtime routine for DS is bath and toothbrush - pyjamas - homework (half hour or so). Then I read a chapter to him before he reads a chapter to himself. I do NOT sit in with him for this bit! Then lights out. I love the bit where I read to him but you aren't doing that so it's hardly a special time to cherish!

janetforpresident · 30/05/2019 23:06

You need to stop this but I sympathise. My 8 year old has recently started being more needy than ever at bedtime so perhaps it's a developmental stage or something?

I would suggest you speak to her in the day tomorrow and explain why it's not feasible that this arrangement continues. He is old enough to understand that you have work commitments and the right to relax for a bit. Explain you have 30 mins in total to dedicate to bedtime between 8 and 8.30 (or whatever time you go with) and ask her to come up with a routine that will work and fit in washing/teethbrushing/getting changed etc.

My 8 year old is expected to go up on his own get changed and do his teeth and be waiting in bed for his story.

Whatever the routine is you should share it with your partner. It's important for so many reasons that she doesn't have to have you and only you and will be good for her relationship with her dad too.

Original poster
daffydowndilys · 30/05/2019 23:06

We do spend good amounts of time together, I work a lot, but lot of that time at home.

We spend all weekends together. She has 2 after school clubs but otherwise she is at home with one or other of us.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 30/05/2019 23:07

Can you read to her for about 10 minutes? Where is DH when you are doing all this?

janetforpresident · 30/05/2019 23:08

"She" not "he" also just read your update about dp so ignore my last paragraph!

Original poster
daffydowndilys · 30/05/2019 23:09

Oh we do share it quite well. Bit recently I have revolted and refused to just bloody sit there. It has to change.

I used to read to her, but she really needs to be reading more herself now. She gets a lot of reading given by school.

OP posts:
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