To not want I sit for 30 mins in silence whilst DD reads

[daffydowndilys]

OK, so bed time seems to take almost 1.5 hours and it's starting to get my goat.

DD (8) messes around getting into her PJ's and brushing her teeth. Unless I stand over her and brush her teeth for her this can take almost 30 mins.

Then, she demands that I sit with her whilst she reads to herself in silence!!!! Then she wants cuddles before bed.

Now I know she is only 8 and I will miss these times when they are gone. I really do know that.

But I work full time, I get home, cook dinner, then at least 1 hour for bedtime. Then I have to work at home all evening until my bedtime.

DH thinks I'm mean not to sit with her for 30mins in silence whilst she reads to herself.

Is that really awful? I feel really bad.

Oh op ,that’s hilarious
Just say no .
Your being played .

I think it's lovely she wants to be in your company, even it's in silence. I understand your frustrations, life is busy and I'm always aware of the everyday jobs and to do list every evening. 8yo is difficult, there is so much going on for them and you are their safety and security. It's her way of telling you she needs you. You are not being weak by being with her, you are showing her she is worth your time.

I would try the following: agree for 30minutes reading time together each night ( or 3x week whatever is manageable) but it finishes by 8pm etc so she is responsible for getting in her Pjs and brushing teeth etc so she gets that time. If she misses it because she is going slow then she misses it. You then get to set a boundary, teach her responsibility and time management whilst still being avaible for her.

Offer to read out loud for her and her to do the same. Or you could both read the same thing in silence. If she just wants your presence you could use the time to close your eyes and recharge, cuddle next to her in bed or meditate.

Your DH switches with you if your DD would like that. If not, DH appreciates this is special time and he takes on a job you would normally do in that 30minutes ( hard if it's your work!) Because you are doing some very important childcare during that time. Mine are both under 5 and bed times are draining but I am hoping we can read together at bed times for a long time and looking forward to sharing books like Harry potter with them. Good luck and you sound like a lovely mum x

My DD10 is a bit like this but she does have anxieties around sleep. I like to read so could read too, & sometimes do...but what we started a few months ago was reading together. She usually has a couple of books on the go, one of which will be 'our' book & we take turns reading a chapter each at bedtime. If we are running late & we dont do that she's up & down more. If she works herself on the way to bed & we run out of reading time it's the end of the world...she really can't get to sleep without reading...unless shes at her dad's house, but he sits in the room till she falls asleep!!!
We both really enjoy reading a book together. Even though it's hard to get up and do my school work after relaxing so much.

Read yourself. You can call it your reading time together. Enjoy the rest time.

I take it she’s an only child!! Wouldn’t be doing that with four dc!

Just tell her no, OP. Tell her you’ll come back for a quick cuddle when she’s finished reading.

I have an only who is 8 and is anxious and even I don't do this. Bedtime takes a total of 30 mins. That includes changing, teeth, book and cuddles or a chat. She can use as much time for each step as she likes but when we get to 30 minutes I am going down stairs! The only exception is Friday night when we both go to bed together and read and chat for an hour. That is the special treat that I agreed to if she doesn't give me shit the rest of the week. Works ok.

If I was you I'd talk to her bargain a bit, let her "win" a concession, you win one too. Like you would with an adult. You love her and she loves you so it is in both your interests to find a solution you are both happy with!

I send my 8 year old to bed.

When I have have heard him get out of the shower I give him a few minutes to get dressed/do his teeth and then go up and check/re do teeth and tuck him in, kiss goodnight.

Takes 10-15 minutes.

OP a very distant, related by marriage to my ExP told me, when DS was just a year old, to keep reading to him for as long as I could, even after he could read well. I did until he was ten. That way you have control as well as connection.

OP - If you are not a reader you should treasure the fact that your daughter is, and that she wants your company. However you deal with this, don't put her off reading or wanting to spend time with you!

Seriously OP. She’s an 8 year old and she’s playing you both like a pro.