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Original poster

To not want I sit for 30 mins in silence whilst DD reads

135 replies

daffydowndilys · 30/05/2019 22:47

OK, so bed time seems to take almost 1.5 hours and it's starting to get my goat.

DD (8) messes around getting into her PJ's and brushing her teeth. Unless I stand over her and brush her teeth for her this can take almost 30 mins.

Then, she demands that I sit with her whilst she reads to herself in silence!!!! Then she wants cuddles before bed.

Now I know she is only 8 and I will miss these times when they are gone. I really do know that.

But I work full time, I get home, cook dinner, then at least 1 hour for bedtime. Then I have to work at home all evening until my bedtime.

DH thinks I'm mean not to sit with her for 30mins in silence whilst she reads to herself.

Is that really awful? I feel really bad.

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 30/05/2019 23:09

That does sound very tiring.

I would suggest you try two things together. Set a timer and tell her this is the amount of time she has before lights are out, if she wants to spend all of it brushing her teeth, fine. But also, offer her 30 minutes of a parent’s time (alternate with DH) to do an activity of her choice (within reason). That way she gets your attention but in a positive way that is not draining for you.

Wallywobbles · 30/05/2019 23:09

Just say you have 30 mins total. The more time you mess about for the less time there is for reading. Set an alarm or several. Then kids, lights off and go.

CheshireChat · 30/05/2019 23:10

So you stop and your DH can do that bit at the very least.

My 4yo tried this and I've said no way!

WillLokireturn · 30/05/2019 23:10

😆😆😁 1.5 hours bedtime routine. Yip, she's playing you. 😁😂
Not every night - as really us working mums have so much to do- but some nights I'd be inclined to humour her. Those snuggles are lush and you miss them when they are gone. I reckon you've got 1-3 years max left.

Wallywobbles · 30/05/2019 23:10

Kids = kiss

Twotinydictators · 30/05/2019 23:10

No way would I be doing that! Its totally unnecessary and you deserve some downtime too.

What time is she going to bed? DD7 has a bath with DS3 but he goes straight to bed after at 7 and DD comes down in her PJs with teeth brushed to read/watch TV/play until 8pm. Would she be able to have her reading time on the sofa instead while you get on with other things? Might encourage her to stop faffing about getting her PJs and teeth done if she knows she gets some more time downstairs?

drinkygin · 30/05/2019 23:10

Absolutely no way. Little madam! She’s playing you like a fiddle, she’s old enough to sit on her own for half an hour and read. You’re partner sounds like an arsehole, tell him to sit with her if he feels mean!!

Ohyesiam · 30/05/2019 23:10

For the teeth and pjs bit I put the timer on for 5 minutes, and if the shows not over by then, it’s no screen time the next day.

If you don’t fancy zoning out with your own book / Mumsnet, then don’t do it. If dh is so keen he can do it. Otherwise it’s bed , cuddle , you get on , she reads and pop back up to turn her light out and give her a kiss.
Most kids don’t like going to bed and will play the situation for all it’s worth. Be boundaried, give consequences.

RandomMess · 30/05/2019 23:13

What time is her lights off time? Are you starting the whole thing too early...

Sevo7 · 30/05/2019 23:14

I second the give her a time limit say 30/45 minutes total and if she decides to waste time faffing about with getting ready for bed then it’s her time she’s wasting. You’re a much more patient parent than me,at 8 it was go get ready for bed,then I’d come in for cuddles and listen to ds read for 10 minutes then allow him to read alone for 20 minutes before I came back to say goodnight and switch the light off. No way could I stand to stare into space for half an hour or be messing about for over an hour every night,not at that age!

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 30/05/2019 23:14

Need sorting before her demands include iPhone /laptop and a pony.....
Is her name Verruca??

milkysmum · 30/05/2019 23:14

I've got a 10 year old and an 8 year old. Whilst I admit they faff what you are describing is beyond ridiculous. Send them upstairs to brush their teeth. This is a 5 minute job. They read quietly to themselves and if they want to read a page out loud for you to hear, fine. Sitting in silence for 30 minutes next to them! Why?? Makes absolutely no sense at all. Just tell them to shout you when they are done.

ineedaholidaynow · 30/05/2019 23:15

It is still good to read to children, even when they are good readers. DS's Primary School still recommended it in Y6. Maybe you or DH could read to her for a little while, then she could read to you for a few minutes. Then leave her to read by herself. You need to get the other bits of bedtime not taking so long. Maybe promise her a treat at the weekend if bedtime can be shortened (but try not to limit her reading time)

RomanyQueen1 · 30/05/2019 23:16

Well it's obvious, that's daddies job, and you do the kiss night night before he settles her or whatever he does.

carly2803 · 30/05/2019 23:18

Sorry OP - shes mugging you off!!

Agreed with the others - let her crack on bedtime routine and tellher to read to you or you to her and night night!

I read to my baby, but you can be sure that soon as im done its lights out! No faffing in this house!

Original poster
daffydowndilys · 30/05/2019 23:19

I've just told DH that I will no longer play a part in the bedtime routine apart from kisses and cuddles just before lights out.

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 30/05/2019 23:22

Dont be sitting beside her on your phone, that is teaching her a really bad lesson.

Two2tango · 30/05/2019 23:23

Audiobooks are your friend! Let her listen to one while you get on with your evening. DD (7) really struggles with bedtime / going to sleep but this has been a massive help. We've found a few ones that are particularly soothing which always send her to sleep.

Two2tango · 30/05/2019 23:25

Also - reassure her not entirely truthfully that it doesn't matter when she falls asleep. DD found the pressure of having to go to sleep hard but when we say it's also good to just be resting in bed she sleeps much better!

Original poster
daffydowndilys · 30/05/2019 23:25

Two2tango can you recommend any?

OP posts:
Vulpine · 30/05/2019 23:26

Ive never done that with any of my children and they are all avid readers

rededucator · 30/05/2019 23:35

Why is your husband not doing this if he thinks you're mean not to?

EKGEMS · 30/05/2019 23:41

Tell Daddy dearest to do the bedtime routine

managedmis · 30/05/2019 23:43

Tell him to do it because you don't have the strength

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2019 23:45

Now I know she is only 8 and I will miss these times when they are gone. I really do know that.

Fucking hell, really?

I know I wouldn't Grin

Seriously, take back control and if your DH doesn't like it, tell him he's free to be at the disposal of an 8yr old's whims.

I'm sure he'll rethink the situation Grin

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